Who I Really Am
by DeathBerrry
Summary: Instead of only Al following Ed threw the gate, Winry realizes it's her destiny as well. But why is it so hard, why does she only feel sadness? She thought if they could be together, it would make life worth living; It's the reason she came. EDWIN Ch50 1
1. I Would Wake Him

_Author's Note: This is a tale of Ed, Winry and Al right basically after the movie, except for a few minor changes. This is what happens, after the three of them crossed the gate for the final time. At first, I wanted this to be a bunch of really short drabbles, less then 1,000 words... But it has developed into something I now put my heart into._

_It is Edward x Winry, and rated M for adult themes, slight lemons and language here and there, so you have been warned. And thank you everyone for such lovely reviews and comments! Enjoy..._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing...**_

**I Would Wake Him**

**Munich 1924**  
We have to wake up so early every single day, because of our jobs. We all needed one, even if Al's only 14, we couldn't even afford milk anymore. I'm usually the first to wake. A two bedroom apartment was all we could afford really, though I think my bedroom used to be a closet. We were able to fit a single mattress on the floor, with one window. I hung a dead rose across the top of the window pain for good luck; Every so often, a petal would fall off landing on the white sheets on my bed. There was a towel next to the mattress, with water placed on top. I sat up to the noise of crows mingling with the other birds outside, probably eating something dead on the side of the steet. Cars would always speed on our block. I sighed, slowly lifting my feet off the bed, opening my door to find Alphonse on the couch, arm draped over the side, laying on his shoulder. He sometimes slept with Ed in his bedroom, but recently left his brother alone. Ed had seemed to be in a horrible mood lately.

I walked over behind the couch, bending over as I shook Al's shoulder. He would wake immediately, his eyes snapping open, then slowly close again after he realized it was time for work once again.

"Time to get moving, Al." I told him. He nodded and turned on his side closing his eyes again. I walked over to Ed's door, and leaned on it with all my weight. The door was so old, it was extremely hard to open; After I pushed enough, and it wouldopen, I would find Edward's warm, comforting room. He usually was sprawled across the full size mattress in the middle, sheets on the floor. For some reason ever since I had passed through the gate myself, and came to live Ed and Al, I would feel my face grow bright red whenever I watched Ed sleep. There was just something about him in his white t-shirt and deep red plaid shorts. I would walk over to the side of the mattress, and touch his flesh shoulder.

"Ed?" He didn't wake up as easily as his brother did, but instead he was a much heavier sleeper. Yet he would wake fast, once I shook him hard enough. "Ed... Time to get up." I shook him harder after I still got no reply. I grumpled his name for the third time. My voice grew as I became slowly irritated. He mumbled something about alchemly, and turned on his side away from me. "Come on Ed! Wake up already!" I grabbed his flesh arm, and through it on his stomach, causing him to groan, as he turned on his back again.

"Already?" A slur came from his mouth, eyes still closed, sleep filled his voice. I took a deep breath and tried to relax.

"Let's go. It's already seven..." I said quietly as I turned for the door holding back my temper. It was like I was his damn mother or something! Still, there was something about him that made me-

"Alright... Just a few more minutes... Okay...?" He said, as his metal arm covered his forehead.

"...Okay." I walked out, heading toward my room to get ready.

"Is Ed awake?" I heard Al ask from the kitchen.

"Yeah..." I answered almost whispering, as I turned my head to the wall, hoping Al didn't catch my face to see that it was bright red.

xxx

_Author's Note: Read on, I promise it will get better._  
_Edited 14/12_


	2. Screws, Bolts and Ben

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**_

**Screws, Bolts and Ben**

I worked at an auto shop; Go figure. Although this side of the gate was way behind our time, I taught the men I worked with everything I knew. They were all so old, and were so surprised of how much I already knew. They were all too old for me to have a conversation with though, most of them in there early forties and older. All they were interested in was their families, and making enough money for their kid's birthday next week. However, I would spark a conversation with Ben every so often. Ben was about 30, only 12 years older then me, and that wasn't bad considering everyone else. He liked to listen to me talk about my stories back in Risembool, but didn't believe a thing. He always took all the advice I could give about auto mail- I mean auto; Just plain screws and bolts. Although he was a sweet, and a quite handsome guy, he had been married twice already with two kids, and I wasn't attracted to the man at all. He never made me blush, or cause my heart to skip a few beats like it used to in Risembool. In fact, _almost_ no guys in this world did.

Only last week, I had been working on a broken car motor, when Ben had come over and sat next to me to see what I was doing. Or so I thought.

"Hey Win." Even if it was just a simple 'Hello', he had started to creep me out. _He_ wasn't _aloud _to call me Win. Who gave him the right to call me _Win_? It was _Winry_ to him. Only that, nothing else...

"Whatcha working on?" I looked up to him quickly, then back to my work trying to concentrate.

"Nothing, just this motor. Someone had dropped it in the shop a few days ago."

"Oh, need some help?" He asked sliding closer. It was then I could smell his smell. Kinda smelled like oil and corn. I _hated_ it.

"Nah, thanks though." I said, not looking up trying to be as nice as possible. I just wasn't in the mood for him, and sometimes he wouldn't give me space. He liked me, almost too much.

"Oh, I think that you need a tad bit bigger screw there." He stopped me from my work, as he pointed to a scrap of metal, reaching his arm over my lap.

"No, I think it's just fine." He scooted closer, almost close enough for his dirty, brown hair to touch my shoulder.

"But don't you think, _this_ size would screw in a lot easier, Win? Not to mention it's stronger-" Did he just call me Win again?!

"No! It's fine, but thanks." I barked at him. I stood up, grabbing the motor from his hands, as he looked up at me confused, and possibly a bit hurt. I took a deep breath, and tried to calm down.

"Ahh, sorry. I just think this screw is fine. It must be _that _time again." I said cheerfully.

"Yeah, alright." Ben looked away, and I was quite happy he did. I walked out of the room, to the bathroom holding the motor as a tear slipped down my cheek. It was then I had decided I liked Risembool a lot better then Germany. But I think I knew that even before I came to this place.

xxx

Edit 12/9


	3. Goodnight to You

_**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA, or anything...**_

**Goodnight to You**

When the three of us were young, and when we would have sleep overs, no one wanted to actually sleep on the bed. These would happen all the time with Ed and Al's, for they were my best friends in the entire world. An hour or so after the sun set, their mom would lie a blanket or two on the floor with a pillow for myself to sleep on, and Ed and Al would sleep on their bunk bed. Ed would always plead to Trisha if he and his brother could sleep on the floor with me. Al would of course agree with his big brother.

"But Winry is all alone! What's the point of a sleep over if she's all by herself?" Ed would mumble as she left the room. As he became silent, I would sit up and whisper to him in the darkness.

"Well Ed, you can come here now." I saw the bed move as Al liked my idea. He threw his pillow on the floor next to me, and began climbing down the ladder of the bed, onto the floor next to me, smiling. Ed watched with amazement of how Alphonse hadn't hesitated to come down, jealous he hadn't been the first to join me. However, with in the next few seconds, I would hear the bed move again and Ed was by my side on the floor. There I was, between the Elric brothers sleeping on their wooden floor.

"You know Win? The floor isn't that bad." I heard Al say after a moment or two.

"Yeah, well it's ok. It's different from a bed alright, huh?" I turned my head and smiled at him. "Ed, do you like the floor or your bed better?" I asked with a toothy grin. When I didn't get an answer, I quickly moved my body so I could face the amber eyed boy. I was about to ask again louder as I had become annoyed he didn't respond, when I realized he was already asleep. I giggled softly as I watched his chest move in and out; his warm breath touched his hand that was placed on his pillow.

"He already asleep?" Al asked.

"Yeah." I chucked, and before I knew it, Al and I quickly had passed out, too.

I had never slept with a guy, and our sleep overs really didn't count. But ever since, I could remember enjoying watching them. I remember how happy I was. The three of us were just so sweet on the floor together. And I liked it.

My memory was interrupted by a blast of thunder, and my door slightly opening. I sat up in my bed, to see who it was. Sometimes Alphonse would peek through my door to see if I was asleep yet during thunderstorms; Since I had always hated them.

"Al it's alright, I'm fine-" I stopped myself squinting at the blurry image waiting at my door. It wasn't Al, but the former Full Metal Alchemist. He was frowning, (which he did quite often) and was holding a white sheet from his bed, as well as his pillow.

"Ed? What's wrong? What's the matter-"

"Just relax, my room's too hot and I can't sleep." He said, interrupting me. He dropped the pillow down, next to my mattress and layed down on top of it with the white sheet over himself. He turned on his side away from me, as my mind began to wonder, going a million miles an hour. Why was he here? It was so strange... He was always able to fall asleep at any place, in any bed, at any time from all the practice he had when he was searching for the stone. I almost wanted to get up, and go to his room just to see _how hot it really was_... But his steady breathing interrupted my thoughts. I stole a glance over to him, watching his chest move up and down... This scene... It reminded me of our sleep overs years ago. A feeling crept through my body, entering from my heart. I couldn't read it, yet I think I liked it. Yeah, it was weird Ed wanted to sleep in my room for the night, but I would let him. If he felt more comfortable, or whatever, then of course he could stay. I gave him my back, turning toward the one window in my room, as another dead petal from the dried out rose fell onto my sheets. I drifting off to sleep listening to Ed's soft breathing, a sound I never realized how much I had missed.

xxx

Edited 10/12


	4. The Restaurant, Part 1

_Author's Note: The next two chapters are part of a short side story of the trio going out to dinner. This was written before the story really became a 'story'. :3  
_  
**_Disclaimer: I still own nothing..._**

**The Restaurant, Part 1**

That morning, after Ed had slept in my room, nothing seemed to change. I had just woken him up, like I always do everyday for work the following day, and we never mentioned it, I don't think he wanted to.

Let's see... The next _'big'_ event that had happened in our lives living in Germany was the gift certificate we received... Or Al received. Al got home sort of late that evening from his job, while Ed and I were home alone. I was kind of annoyed; No _really_ annoyed at him because his right arm seemed to be acting up, and he wouldn't let me look at it.

"Edward, come on! It's only going to get worse!" I snapped at him. He was sitting lazily on the couch as I lectured him from the kitchen.

"No, it's fine! Drop it already!" He quickly barked back. I stopped what I was doing, (washing the dishes) and turned around facing his back. I marched over to the couch and looked at him straight in the eye.

"Ed, there's clearly something wrong with your auto mail, just let me see it for a second!" He starred right back at me; His gold eyes flickering from the light. He was about to snap, I could almost see the steam flowing out of his ears; He wasn't in the mood to argue either. He just seemed to lose that nasty temper of his so much easier in this world. And his was worse then mine, trust me. He didn't seem to care how _anyone_ else felt anymore! _Men_.

I could tell he was about to speak when the door flung open, show casing Al holding his suitcase, with three white pieces of paper in his other hand.

"Hey guys, hope you didn't eat yet, because we got a free dinner!" Al stated excitedly.. The two of us starred down the younger Elric, confused yet annoyed he had interrupted our little _'event of the day'_. Ed took in a deep breath backing away from me, relaxing his head on the back of the couch.

"What's up, Al?" He asked resting his eyes. I stood up straight, also curious in whatever Al was holding.

"A free dinner for each of us, for a small restaurant not too far from here. Won't it be fun to go to an actual restaurant? We haven't been to one in this world yet; Plus we have free dinner tonight, we might be able to buy some milk for tomorrow's breakfast with left over money." Ed pouted.

"Where did you get them?"

"Some rich guy at work; Said a friend gave it to him for him and his wife's anniversary, but he hated the place, so..." Ed shot up, quickly irritated by his brother's words.

"So then why did _you _take them if it's obviously a horrible restaurant?!"

"Because, _free dinner_!" Al repeated for the third time. I looked down at the floor, holding back my temper for cute little Al's sweet actions only made my mood worse. I truly wasn't in the mood for a restaurant, but Al was right... It was free. I watched as Ed relaxed his head again, sighed, then spoke.

"Fine, let's go. No desert though."

xxx

_Edited 10/12_


	5. The Restaurant, Part 2

_Disclaimer: I still own nothing..._

**The Restaurant, Part 2**

Since it was only about a 10 minute walk, we decided to walk. We walked up to a young thin woman behind a bar. She had brown stringy hair, only up to her shoulders with a shirt that was way too big for her. One sleeve was sliding down her bony shoulder showing her black, bra strap. Her black apron she wore over tight, black pants were tied tightly around her waist. Because Ed was totally out of it wasn't paying attention, and because Al was too busy admiring the place and the 'extremely well done stone walls', I had to talk to her.

"Um, table for three, I guess." I told her. I didn't know what to say; There wasn't any fancy restaurants likes this in Risembool, no one told me what I was supposed to say! At first she ignored me, seemed that she was starring off into the distance. I looked around, curious of what had caught her eye. Ugh, Ed had to wear a short sleeve shirt... I guess my amazing, shinny, auto mail caught her attention. It's not that I don't want people admiring my work, it's just that in the world, no one has ever seen a prosthetic arm so advanced like that. And usually, Edward is questioned to death when he shows it off in public. And now that I realized it, and lot of other people were starring at it, too. IHe should know better, but I had to give him some credit, it was over 100 degrees outside. Ed finally noticed the eyes slowly creeping up on him, them looked the lady in the face, glaring at her strongly.

"What?!" He snapped, causing the woman to slightly jump.

"Uh, yes Miss, how many?" She asked me, trying to keep her eyes off of Ed's right arm.

"I already said three, please."

"Right, follow me." The three of us followed her all the way to the back of the restaurant, into another room with about six other tables filled with fat, rich people. They were all wearing fancy jewelry, with golden watches and silver earrings; Even most men! Most of the woman had their short hair in tight curls, piercing their skin, while others had it lose, sitting on their shoulders. All the men had ties and suits on, with napkins folded perfectly on their lap. The three of us looked around amazed of how _perfect_ everything was.

"It's like a freak'en doll house in here. Why are the lights so dim?" Ed asked once we had all found our seats and the creepy, thin lady had left.

"It's better that it's darker in here, or your auto mail would be easier to see. Why are you even wearing a t-shirt anyway?!" My voice grew, as I starred the man down.

"Who cares!? Because it hurts-" Aha! So he admits he was in pain!

"I told you, you should of let me look at it!!"

"I never said that! I was just more comfortable this way, and it's-!"

"And it's what? Really hot outside? Well I'll tell you something-"

"I don't care if people see it or not!"

"BUT EVERYONE'S LOOKING AT US!" I was practically yelling now, and it was true; Everyone in the room had their eyes rested on top of us. Good thing we had Alphonse.

"Uhh, waitress! We're ready to order!" Al barked, trying to change the subject, and give us the hint to possibly, _stop _yelling.

"_Alphonse, I have no idea what I want yet_!" Ed mumbled from behind his menu.

"Well, hurry up and choose, because she's on her way."

"I NEED SOME TIME, _AL_!"

"Relax, I'll order first!"

FIN

xxx

_Edited 10/12_


	6. He Could Feel Warmth

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, or Ed, or Winry, or Al...**_

**He Could Feel Warmth  
**

Our old apartment seemed to be stuck in the middle of the city, and during the summer, no fresh air ever seemed to reach us. The three of us had off today, and had nothing better to do then sit around waiting for the moon. I suggested we could take a walk, maybe to a park with a water fountain, or a lake we could swim in. Ed said there wasn't any parks for miles.

"Nah, I rather sit here and bake." He sighed. Al asked if maybe I could try to invent something to cool us down, but to tell you the truth I was way to hot to move. Plus we could need to spend the next three hours gathering materials.

By the time the sun had started to set. Edward and Al were sprawled out on the couch, half asleep; Tired from the heat. A bucket of water I had placed on the floor had grown warm. I was on the wooden floor, next to Ed, putting all my weight on the couch as I starred blankly at my damp, skin.

I could feel heat radiating off of Edward's auto mail, on my neck. I couldn't imagine how hot he must of felt. Auto mail is mostly metal, and one of worst things about it is that is adapts to the temperature you are in. If he were to be sitting in pile of snow for an hour or two, his mail would become colder then ice, and he would get frost bite where his skin connected to the arm. And you could only imagine what could happen in this situation. I thought he was asleep, as Al had looked like he had passed out, but then he mumbled something I think was to me. I ignored him, still starring into my bowl.

"Win... Do something..." He repeated himself only a little above a whisper.

"Just relax you baby, we are all hot-"

"No, the mail is burning. I'm gonna pass out..." My eyes wandered over to his flushed cheeks.

"Seriously, Ed? Sit up and, and uh... take a deep breath." I told him, turning and giving him my full attention. I heard Al slowly get up sit up. catching onto the situation quickly.

"Brother, drink some water, or something." Al said calmly, walking to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Ed tried to sit up, leaning all of his weight on the back of the couch, though stumbled instead. He couldn't even grab the water from Al's hand trembling hand. "Brother, you ok?" I watched his golden eyes flicker, then slowly close as his head fell back on the couch.

"Ed, are you still with us?! Wake up!" I yelled, trying to shake him to come out of it. Again, he mumbled something but was out cold. Al gave me a stern look.

"Uh, what should we do? It's too hot for him here." Al stated.

"I have no idea, I never treated anyone with heat stroke; I'm just his mechanic!"

"Should we call someone?"

"I'll go get some wet rags I guess, you, uhh... take his shirt off, or something!" I ran into the bathroom, and grabbed the only three hand clothes we owned. I turned on the sink, but only hot water came out. Great!

"Come on, come one..." I whispered to myself, as it slowly became hotter by the minute.

After I had soaked the rags in the cold water for a few minutes, I ran back to Ed and Al, dripping all over the floor. I dumped the clothes all over his body. Al and I waited, starring at him helplessly for the next 1/2 hour before we awoke. We all fell asleep at 6:30 that night.

xxx

Editied 11/12


	7. The Alchemy Book

_**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN FMA! (Not at all) **_:)

**The Alchemy Book**

About a week after the _'heat incedient'_, something happened I would have never expected. Ed and Al got to keep most of their father's belongings after he had passed away, since they were the only family he had on this side of the gate. However, even though a bunch of stuff went to some of the people Hohenhiem worked with, everything that had to do with alchemy was to Ed and Al; Like the books and things. On many of the hot summer nights, after we had all eaten dinner, Edward would cuddle up on the couch with one of his dad's old books, while Al would sometimes do the same.

It wasn't the warmest night out of the past week, but still in the high 70's one evening. Al wasn't home yet, and probably wouldn't be coming home until a little bit after eleven. Ed, was of course on one side of the couch reading a book, with a closed one sitting on his lap. I was sitting on the other end of the couch, calculating with a paper and pen the money we had spent the last week, and the money we _could _spend this week. I had finished, when I peeked over to Ed across from me. He had rested the book over his face, and it looked like he had drifted off to sleep. I starred at him for about five minutes before I leaned over, and grabbed the second book off of his chest. I relaxed, brushing off a bit of dust that had collected on the hard cover. It said 'Alchemy' in huge letters on the front, with a circle below it. I opened it up, to see the pages were withered. They had turned from white to a tan-ish color. I never was interested in alchemy, ever since I was little. But alchemy had changed my life so much, ever since I had first heard of it. Even if I wasn't an alchemist, (and had no intention of becoming one) it had affected me. I remember Ed had always wanted me to stay out of his work, and not get into his mess but still... Even if I had always wanted to help him and his brother, I was 'in to it', since the two had been apart of my life. I was living on the other side of the gate, wasn't I? All thanks to alchemy...

"What are you doing?" I heard Ed calmly ask. For some reason he scared me. I jumped, slamming the book close, wide eyed as he looked straight back at me. Why did I feel suddenly embarrassed?

"N-nothing, I was just looking!" I quickly stuttered. I'm still, to this day not sure why he quietly laughed at my response, but then he sat up, closer to me and gently took the book out of my hands.

"This is one of the first books I have ever read, it's the basic steps to alchemy." He said not taking his eyes off the book. He turned a few pages, and then showed a certain one to me. "See this, do you recognize it?" He asked pointing to a dark outlined circle in the middle of the page. I tried to remember it, but couldn't. They all looked the same to me... I shook my head no.

"It was used as one of Al's and my self's first attempt at alchemy. We made that old doll for you, then. And we made you cry. Do you remember?" I thought back far, to our memories in Risembool. When life was fun, when my parents were still alive, along with Trisha. When the only worry we ever had was if we could make it back home in time before the stew got cold. But, I couldn't remember the one memory Ed was trying to get me to remember. I looked away.

"Sorry, Ed. No, I can't remember..." I saw him look away back to the wooden floor. I let a deep breath out slowly.

"Ahh, it's alright. It was a long time ago anyway..." He sighed, closing the book and placing it back onto my lap as he layed back down on the other end of the couch and closed his deep, golden eyes. I secretly blushed and picked up the book again, concentrating on the cover. I felt horrible. For some reason, Ed for the first time was trying to pull me into his life. Something I had always wanted. But the one thing he asked me to remember, I couldn't. And who knows when that next opportunity would come again.

At least, maybe he was opening up. Just a little.

xxx

_A/N: That was my favorite chapter to write so far! I'm not sure why, I felt bad I had to kick Al out for the first time, but... well anyway, you know what to do!_


	8. Disaster

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**_

**Disaster**

It wasn't a good day, I had just gotten horrible news, not to mention it was past twelve in the morning by the time I reached the apartment. Plus it was raining hard outside, just started on my walk home. I climbed the stairs to the 12th floor of our ratty old place, and walked the 18 steps from the stair case to our door, number ten. I pulled out my set of keys with three other keys attached to my key chain not including the one for the apartment; Two for my work, one for our mail box. I searched for the bright silver key, and stuck it in the knob turning it gently. I walked in, dropped my bag on the floor and locked the door behind me. There was only one light one in the whole room, by the couch in the living room. Ed was propped up against it, with a book in his hands. His head dropped forward, looked like he had just fallen asleep. I walked over to the couch and sighed, sitting in my spot on it cross-legged, facing him.

"Hey Ed..." I spoke nudging him lightly with my foot. Surprisingly he awoke immediately, slightly jumping a bit. Right then, I felt even worse; adding to my miserable mood. "Sorry."

"No, it's alright. Your home late today- _What's_ wrong?" How did he know something was wrong? I was planning on telling him the bad news tomorrow, but he already knew _something was wrong_. And I couldn't hide it. I looked away.

"I got a call. The owner of this building just passed away. I think from a sudden heart attack, or something like that..." He frowned, but his eyes encouraged me to continue. "And, and he had in a contract that we was handing it over to a friend, who owns like, a lot of other large buildings and apartments in this area. That person, is rising the rent price..." I started to cry. To any normal person, this little event would seem normal to them. But because of the money issues we had, it was a disaster. No joke, we could be kicked on to the streets if the three of us didn't find new jobs. I didn't have the heart to tell him how much the new price would be each month. He sat up, suddenly kindness in his eyes. I closed mine, and turned away, the tears now falling faster.

"Look Win... It's ok, things will work out some how..." He was actually trying to comfort me, but his voice was shaking. I couldn't trust it, even though he wanted me too. He understood how bad this situation was as well as I did. I knew he knew how much money we made, he knew it. Why couldn't he just... hug me or give me a shoulder to cry on or something... That's what I needed. But even with his big heart, I knew he wouldn't do that. And I didn't mean to start yelling at him, I just needed someone to blame, and unfortunately for Ed, he was the one.

"Ed I'm serious, what are we going to do? We can hardly afford _this_ rent!" My voice was growing, I could feel it. And it was a _big_ mistake; I should of known better. If I lose my temper at Ed, he's sure to lose his next. And boy, did I guess right.

"Lower your voice Winry, Al's sleeping in the other room. You'll wake him-" He replied angrily.

"Do you even care that we could _lose_ this place?!"

"We're not gonna, how much could the guy possibly raise it!?"

"A lot Ed, more then you even know!" I didn't want to hear another word from him, he was obviously not helping. I stormed off the couch, on my way to my room, but_ he _wasn't done.

"Don't just walk away from this! You make the least amount of money out of the three of us anyway! It's _your_fault!!" Ok, that was it. I stopped dead it my tracks, and spun around to face him. He was right next to me, I hadn't even realized he had gotten up off the couch and followed me.

"EXACTLY HOW IS IT_ MY_ FAULT?!" I screamed in his ear, totally forgetting about Al sleeping in the other room.

"BECAUSE WORKING IN AN AUTO SHOP, AND FIXING CARS DOESN'T MAKE A LOT OF MONEY!" He had spit at me a bit when he said the word 'shop', and I was completely in tears now. Not that he fucking cared a bit...

"WELL HOW COME... How come, you don't bring home enough m-money anymore... You've just turned in.. Into a _jerk_! A heartless jerk who doesn't c-care about anyone but yourself! So stop taking it all out on m-me! It was your fault we are l-living in this world a-anyway!!" I regretted immediately what I had said after I saw his angry, red face turn into a broken one. As if he was a boy who just watched his dog get killed by a car. I seemed to have no problem calling him a jerk, and that alone bothered me. His eyes soften, as he relaxed his fist he held by his side. I let out a loud sob and slammed my door in his face, running to my bed.

What had I done? I probably just said some of the worst possible things I could to my best friend. Him and Al were the only ones I had left. I remember a few minutes after our 'event of the day', I watched the one light in the living room turn off, and then slowly cried myself to sleep, listening to the harsh rain drops on my window, as another dead rose petal fell to the floor.

xxx

_Edited 9/3_


	9. The Crane

_A/N: I've been kind of disappointed with the lack of reviews lately, but thank you those who have! It means a lot. I am going to continue for now, but please... review! Also, I looked over everything, it should be fine, but let me know if you still find any mistakes._

_**Disclaimer: I do not down Ed, although I'm working on it...**_

**The Crane**

Thank god the next morning was a Saturday with no work. Sometimes the three of us still had to work on the weekends, but I was so happy we didn't today. I woke up late, the sun was shining bright through the curtains, and had almost completely dried the road from the rain storm we had last night. I layed on my mattress for about 5 dreamy moments before moving. I opened my door slightly, surprised to see Ed asleep on the couch... Then I remembered last night. I frowned at him, and walked to his room where Al slept. When I opened the door and found nothing but a cold bed, I slammed it closed, and stormed to the kitchen. I really needed someone to talk to; And the one time I did, Al had to disappear. Where the hell was he this early in the morning? I knew Ed was a heavy sleeper and wouldn't wake up from my 'door-slamming'. I watched in the corner of my eyes, he turned from his back on to his side, away from the kitchen; Away from me. I sighed loudly turned on the sink, as I washed my hands and scrubbed my face.

I sat down at the kitchen tabble, layed my head down on it, and closed my eyes. It had only been no more then 30 seconds before the explosion; Or whatever the enormos sound from outside was. It was huge, one of the loudest sounds I've ever heard. I jumped, almost falling back in my chair as I ran to the window. Even Edward, the heaviest sleepier jumped up from the noise. He looked around the room, eyes half open before he spoke.

"What da hell waz that?" He slurred, as I turned around to face his eyes. Those golden eyes of his were full of sleep, no sparkle to them at all. His hair, still tied in a pony tale had almost came out, showing he had a rough night last night. Probably constantly turning in his sleep. It was only till I turned back to the window I discovered what we heard. A huge crane had collapsed outside; It had been working on construction only a few buildings down. People were screaming, and running around frantically. But even though I had discovered what the large 'boom' was, I didn't answer his question.

"Win, seriously..." He layed back down on his pillow closing his eyes, pulling the sheet he had over him up to his chin, exposing his feet. "...What _was_ that?" He whispered, sounding almost as if he was about to fall right back to sleep. Once he realized he wasn't getting an answer, as I continued to stare at the horrible scene outside, I heard him nose sigh, as the couch shifted. He stood up and stretched, and walked over to the window; Each step caused me to blush more. He was still half asleep, and his heavy foot steps, one metal one flesh was too hard for me to handle. He reached the window, and pulled the window up next to me. He stuck his whole head outside the window before he gasped, and looked back to me.

"Winry, do you see what happened- That crane?!" I nodded, and looked away. "Where's Al? All those people outside- We got to go help 'em- Why isn't Al here? Alphonse!? Damn it Winry what's the matter?"

"Nothing-"

"Well then why the hell are you looking at me like that? Damn it all. We got to go help those people..." He ignored me and ran into Al's room as I continued to stare, dreamily out the window. With in seconds, he had changed into clothes and was out the door.

"Are you coming?!" I heard him yell from hallway, leaving the door wide open. I didn't answer. He might of been able to forget yesterday, but it still had deeply affected me. I saw his head peek back through the open door. "Winry!!" He was getting impatient with me. "Fine, stay here and sulk over last night for all I care!" And he left me with that, slamming the door behind him.

xxx


	10. My Depression

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything...**_

**My Depression**

When your a girl, living in a strange world with two guys, it gets hard for you! Men are just so hard to live with, and sometimes even if I don't mean it I yell back at them. And sometimes I cry in front of them, because they need some freaking sense knocked into them. And sometimes, I start the fight, not intentionally, but because they don't think they are doing anything wrong. I guess this is also called, 'mood swings'. It happens, and I was suffering a bit of depression from everything that had happened. No. Big. Deal.

I turned my back to the window after Ed left, and surprisingly minutes later the phone rang. I ran to it, grateful for a distraction.

"Hello, who is this-"

"Winry, Ed awake yet?" That's right Al! I had forgotten I still had no clue were he was, it was weird enough he wasn't here this morning.

"Uh, yeah Al. Where are you?"

"Did you see my note?"

"What note?"

"The one of the fridge-" I turned to the fridge, and sure enough a note from Alphonse was taped to it. Ed and I were so frantic since we woke up, both of us hadn't even noticed.

"Hold on a second, let me read it..." The note read this: _'Win, Ed. Got a call last night, I'll be gone in France for all of today, and all of tomorrow; I'll be back here tomorrow night. Call me at the train station before nine. Sorry for the short notice, Al.'_ After I finished reading it, I frowned and screamed into the phone. "AL! Why?! We need you, where are you going?! For what!?"

"Calm down Win, it's for work and we need the money. Ed told me last night about the rent going up... Anyway I'll be in France, only about a few hours from there-"

"No Al! Come back home!" I was on the urge of tears, and had no idea why I was getting so worked up about it. I guess it was Ed. He was pissed at me at the moment, just like I was at him. And Ed, the Full metal Alchemist... I just didn't want to spend the night alone with him, not to mention the entire next two days with... But he was my friend. Why did I feel like this?

"What's wrong Winry, your not crying are you"? I felt a single tear slide down my cheek... Now I was.

"Alphonse. Please, can't you just come home?" I heard him sigh, he was suspicious.

"What happened over there? How's brother"?

"Al, I gotta go, good luck and come home soon."

"Winry! Wait!-" I hung up the phone not letting him finish, as I let out a sob, slinging my head down. I walked over to the couch and sat burring my head into my knees. The screams of firemen and police outside slowly calmed down, as dark grey smoke rose up from the street visible from the window.

I remember getting up to get a glass of water, changing into clothes, using the bathroom once or twice, making an egg and cheese sandwich while I sulked on the couch. The bright morning turned into a grey afternoon, then into a pink sunset. When I realized I had waisted the entire day on the couch alone, it only made me feel worse then I already had. It looked like about almost seven, when I found the alchemy book I had picked up the other day. It was between the cushions of the couch. I sat on my end of the couch as I flipped open the first page. I couldn't understand the meaning of the way the words were worded. It all seemed so impossible to me. It was then the door opened, exposing a sweetly, tired, golden eyed man in the door way. I forced my eyes to the book as I pretended to read it as the heavy footsteps got closer, and closer to the couch. Before I knew it, he was in front of me, then slumped down on the other end. My eyes moved over to his feet now resting, touching my leg. He was exhausted, and his voice was drained.

"Where the hell were _you_ today?" He asked, a metal arm covering his eyes. I didn't answer his questions, suddenly thinking back to Al.

"Al isn't coming home tonight-"

"Where is he?!" He interrupted, sitting up, looking right into my eyes.

"He's ok, relax. He's in France for work or something." He was probably first thinking of the worst possible thing that could of happened to his brother. He calmed down and layed his head back on the couch.

"Why would he go to France with out telling us first?" He mumbled to himself, as I continued to attempt to read my alchemy book. We didn't talk for about 30 seconds before Ed broke the silence. "Why are you reading that dumb thing, again?" I answered with out thinking.

"Does it really matter Ed?! _I _don't freak'en care what_ you _think!" Did that just come out of my mouth? He starred at me blankly, just as surprised as I was. I guess I was just in a bad mood. But he was the kind of guy to _'bite back'_.

"Geeze Winry, what's your problem today!?" His voice grew with every word he spoke. I slammed the book close and through it on the couch standing up. "Careful with it! You can't just fuck'en through that!!" Ed had never spoken to me, or anyone like that. I can't even remember the last time he cursed so loudly. Guilt hit me for starting another argument with him.

"I only through it on the couch, not the floor..." I whispered, looking down, as if he was my parent scolding me. I peeked up to his furious eyes.

"You can't just go an' cry every time we _talk_!"

"Talk? Ed your screaming..." I said back quickly, trying to gain my voice back, holding back heavy tears behind my eyes. I had gotten through to him, he looked at me, then frowned again, before he bjumped up and stormed into his room slamming the door. I sobbed, and ran to the door leaving the apartment, grabbing keys off the kitchen table, and running into my shoes. My cries echoed in the dark hallway of the building.

xxx


	11. Blame the Rose Petals, Part 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA...**_

**Blame the Rose Petals, Part 1  
**

I probably sat outside on the bench in front our building for an hour watching the sun disappear before I unlocked the door to our room to find it pitch black. I had gave it all a thought over. First I would tell him, I was sorry for acting the way I had for the last 24 hours. I guess it was just the money situation, and I was just experiencing a bit of depression. It hadn't been long since I came to live on this side of the gate, and I was still getting used to it. Second, I wanted to explain something to him, or better yet ask him... Sitting on that bench, I had layed out all my feelings I had experienced; That was depression, happiness, and something I couldn't explain since I came. But it would happen every time I thought about Ed. And I wanted to ask him about the time he slept in my room. It wasn't just something I could let go, I needed to know for sure. I knew one thing though, I wasn't in love the Full Metal Alchemist. Maybe we had small crushes on each other when we were young, even Al. But now, I just couldn't imagine myself saying I was in love with Ed. I knew him all my life, right? Then why couldn't I feel comfortable around him?

It was only eight, the sky was grey, not black because the moon was bright tonight. Could Ed still be in his room? All that time... I ignored the rule of knocking, and opened his door to find it just as dark as the rest of the apartment. I closed it behind me, and found Ed sleeping peacefully on his back. He looked comfortable and relaxed, not like usual. Usually I would find him sprawled out in the middle of the bed, the sheets on the floor with his hair lose all over the place; But tonight, there was something about the way he slept that some how made him... How should I put this? _More attractive_, maybe. His head was propped up on two pillows with his mouth slightly open. His hands were folded on his lap, over his white sheet that covered his body up to his chest. His hair was tightly in a pony tail, with his bangs fanned out around his face.

"Ed." I asked, knowing he wouldn't hear me. But I couldn't fine the voice to speak up, neither he courage to walk over and shake his shoulder to wake him up. "Edward?" I repeated a bit louder, still whispering though. My feet suddenly had a mind of it's own, as they walked my body over to the side of his bed. "Edward, you awake?" Why I was asking if he was awake when I knew he wasn't? Don't ask... I sat on the side of his bed and sighed as the unknown emotion started to take over. I felt my face turned red, as my heart pounded harder. It was becoming harder to breathe, and as I began to take deep breathes. Why couldn't he just wake up so I could tell him what I needed to tell him? I grabbed the sheets, and turned my head to look at him. My right hand reached up to his flesh one. I touched it and squeezed it slightly, feeling the warmness run from his body run to mine. I liked the feeling; I never felt his hand before like this. I turned my entire body, sitting on my bent knees now facing him, he hadn't moved since I entered his room. "Edward..." I spoke his name softly, and slowly letting up on the 'd'.

I raised my other hand and touched his golden hair, the same color of his eyes hidden beneath his soft skin. It was so soft, almost softer then my own. And out of all the 18 years I knew him, I had never touched his hair. I squeezed it beneath my fingers as I suddenly had the urge to smell it. I wanted to smell his hair... I slowly lowered my neck down smothering my nose into it. It smelled good. I couldn't help myself; I grabbed it tighter, as I dug my entire face into his hair. When I felt him mumble something, I shot back and froze as I waited for his next move.

xxx

_A/N: It was getting so long, so I broke it up into two chapters. This continues on the next chapter!_


	12. Blame the Rose Petals, Part 2

_A/N: This is the second part of Chapter 12, Blame the Rose Petals, Part 1..._

_**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, or Ed, or Winry...**_

**Blame the Rose Petals, Part 2**

_'I raised my other hand and touched his golden hair, the same color of his eyes hidden beneath his soft skin. It was so soft, almost softer then my own. And out of all the 18 years I knew him, I had never touched his hair. I squeezed it beneath my fingers as I suddenly had the urge to smell it. I wanted to smell his hair... I slowly lowered my neck down smothering my nose into it. It smelled good. I couldn't help myself; I grabbed it tighter, as I dug my entire face into his hair. When I felt him mumble something, I shot back and froze as I waited for his next move.'_

"Ugh... Winry that's enough... Hold up... Win..." I managed to hear him say between breathes. What was he saying? He reached his metal hand up to his face, scratched his forehead, and then turned from his back to his side... Facing me. Did he know I was there, or was he dreaming... About me? Either that or it was some other Winry. My face growing hotter by the minute, as I began to feel anxious. I wanted him... I wanted to tell him, and I couldn't hold back. I touched his arm, and slid my arm down it off onto his waist. It was so muscular, and built up. Even if he was still short, his body made up for it. And I never noticed it. He was only an inch taller then me now, if even that. But at least he wasn't shorter then me like he used to be when we were both 15. In the last three years he had grown a good amount of inches. He was 5'6 now. Still pretty short for a 18 year old man, but it was okay. My hand stayed on his waist, and I smiled. But I wanted more, this wasn't enough. "Ed, Edward." I spoke to him, now talking in a strong sturdy voice. He didn't move. I leaned my down close to his head, as my lips slightly nuzzled his ear lobe. "Ed." I said again.

My lips kissed his warm ear, then another, and another. Four more after that. My kisses suddenly moved from his ear to his neck, up to his chin, and slowly found it's way to his parched lips. I kissed him again, just a peck. But still, I needed more. Just more to get rid of this feeling I had. I stopped my kisses, resting my mouth on top of his, my tongue dancing around behind my lips, pleading to leave and experience what was on the other side of them. I opened my mouth slightly, as it stretched out, and into his. It was so warm inside, as it found his tongue and danced with it. With out warning, his started to dance back with mine, in slow motions. I closed my eyes, not sure if what I was doing was ok... Then his tongue stopped. And mine did too. I opened my blue eyes to his golden ones looking right back into mine, shocked. He grabbed my shoulders, and suddenly pulled away, looking at me as if something terrible had happened. _Did_ something terrible happen? I wasn't sure how it to put it together myself. It all just happened that way.

"Winry... What are you doing?" He asked, still shock mixed together with sleep in his face. I sat back up and looked away wiping my mouth, ashamed. This wasn't supposed to be like this, and I hated his reaction. I hated that way he had just said my name, and asked what I was doing. It was over, I had ruined our friendship.

"I'm sorry Ed." Was all I could manage with out breaking down into tears. Then he did something. He reached his flesh arm up grabbing my back, and pulled it down onto the bed next to him, so we were looking at each other face to face. He pulled me into his chest, and rested his chin on top of my head, digging his nose into my hair I had recently taken out of a high pony tail. What was he doing? He, was... He was hugging me. He squeezed me tight, as I froze, not moving. He didn't move either; His tight hold around my waist let in, as his tense body relaxed. I could feel every breath he took, as his chest moved in and out. With in no more then three minutes his soft breathing became steady. He flinched slightly, and I knew he was asleep. I felt so safe, with his arm around me, with his restless body up against mine. I pulled my arm out, from between his body and mine, and touched his chest. My hand slid up around his muscular waist, and up his smooth back. I felt his rough scared skin, that lead to his auto mail between my fingers. Was I supposed to fall asleep like this, with Ed? _Was this ok?_ There seemed to be so escape from it now, and I trusted whatever Ed was doing and how he felt. I felt my body grow hotter by the minute, his radiating to mine. The room was dead silent, except for his heavy breathing, and my heart pounding out of my chest. I could hear everything that went around the bed. The floor creaked about every few minutes because of how old it was, Ed would flinch, causing the bed to shake once in a while, and if I listened hard enough, I could hear another dead rose petal fall off my window pain, onto my cold bed in the other room.

xxx


	13. Nothing Out of the Ordinary

**_Disclaimer: Arakawa-sama owns them all..._**

Nothing Out of the Ordinary

Al got home around six in the afternoon the next day. Ed and I were so happy to see him when he walked through the door. He said it was 'just a little business trip.' He was tired though, and said he had gotten about only three full hours of sleep last night. I told him I would make something good to eat for dinner, but all Alphonse wanted to do was sleep.

"Hey Win, mind if I jus' nap in your room for a few hours?" Al asked with a sheepish grin. Why did he want to sleep in my room? My guess was he wanted a few hours by himself to get as much sleep as possible since we had work tomorrow, and didn't want to sleep with his brother who kicked, groaned and talked in his sleep. As much as I wanted him to get some rest, and as happy as I was that he had returned home safely, that comment slightly ticked me off.

"Uhh, sure Al." I said turning my head towards him from the kitchen as I scrubbed a plate in the sink. I saw Ed had peeked up from his book he was reading on the couch.

"Ahh, thank you. Wake me up if I'm still out of it when you want to go to sleep, ok Win?" I guess it was ok. I nodded and he closed my bedroom door behind him. Back to last night with Ed... Nothing seemed to have changed between us. We acted like nothing new had happened. I guess we hadn't argued the entire day, but other then that things went back to normal. And I have to say, with two people who have a temper as nasty as the two of us, that's hard to do... Well at least that was the case since we had been living on this side of the gate.

A short hour had passed by the time I finished washing the dishes. I wiped my hands and walked over to Ed, who was at this point, _very interested _in his book. His face was dug into it, as he read each word slowly making sure he understood every sentence. He didn't even notice me sit down on the couch, in my spot. I looked straight ahead; Our walls had been painted a grey-ish color, but the paint had been peeling at he corners. There was a huge dent in the middle of the wall, next to our window that had been there since we moved in. We didn't have a carpet, but we did have wooden floors. They might actually look like we paid for them, but because they were so old and dull, it gave the apartment a 'ratty' kind of look. I was surprised when Ed broke the silence.

"Hey Winry, can you get me a glass of water?" I looked at him strangely.

"Um, sure... Why?"

"I feel like I am going to pass out." I jumped up.

"Again?! What's wrong, it's not _that_hot in here." He had put down his book, and closed his eyes taking deep breathes. With out waiting for an answer, I obeyed him running to the sink and fetching him a cold glass of water. I handed it to him, grabbing it out of my hand, chugging almost the entire glass down his throat. I waited until he was done before I asked again. I gave him the 'what-the-heck-is-wrong-with-you' look, as he took another deep breath before answering.

"I don't know what happened, I just felt kind of short of breath. I'm alright though, thanks Winry." He said picking up his book again. Did he really just recover from whatever just happened that quickly? I decided it must of been a reaction from his auto mail. Not too long ago, he said it was bothering him. Sometimes I saw that with people, small reactions.

"Ed, are you sure? Do you want more water or something?" He shook his head 'no' not taking his eyes off the book. I quickly lost interest in him, when I realized I had become really tired. The three of us liked going to bed early, and it became a habit. It was only seven, but on week days and even the weekends, it just gave us a few more hours to sleep since we had nothing better to do. Usually, the lights were out, the latest 8:30.

"I'm going to go wake Al, I'm tired." It looked like Ed was pretty exhausted too, all the excitement from Al coming home and everything, but he was too interested in his book.

"Nah, don't wake him. Jus' sleep in my room, I've got the couch." I decided not to argue with him, even though the couch wasn't comfortable compared to the warmness of a bed.

"Ok. Thanks, Edward." He waved his hand up telling me it was fine. I did like Ed and Al's bed a lot better then my own. My bed was a mattress on the floor, when they had a huge thing with a head and foot board. I closed the door, as I pulled my shirt off dropping it on the floor, along with my bra. I opened Ed's draw and grabbed a huge black tee shirt, slipping it over my thin body. My pants slid down onto the floor, as I used his shirt as a night gown. I curled up between the covers on the left side of the bed, starring at the ceiling. Their room was much bigger, and more comfortable then my own. I never really looked around it, or took the time to notice. The sun was just setting, so it was still pretty bright outside. I loved this time of the day, it was just more enjoyable to fall asleep like this then in the pitch black. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in; It smelled like Ed. This must be the side he slept on, and Al must of slept on the right. The smell reminded me of last night... And after having another moment to admire his scent, I realized I liked it. It smelled like Ed, a smell I could never describe. Their wasn't even a scent of oil from his mail, or sweat from sweating during a nightmare... Just a clean smell. Edward. I rolled on my side facing away from the middle of the bed, and drifted off into a heavy slumber.

xxx


	14. I Think I'm In Love

**_Disclaimer: Arakawa-sama owns everything..._**

**I Think I'm In Love**

I awoke quickly when I heard that damn door squeak open. I opened my eyes, and looked up into the darkness, remembering I was sleeping in Ed's bed. It was pitch black now, looked around eleven at night. I saw Ed close the door as softly as he could, not realizing I was awake. I secretly watched him pull off his shirt and drop it on the floor just like I had done before I had gone to sleep. Then he pulled down his sweats he had been wearing, exposing his boxers. He tugged on his pony tail, grabbing the hair tie out of his golden hair and placed it on the night stand. Then he walked over to his side of the bed. Didn't he know I was there? I stayed still waiting for his next move. He started to pull off the sheet like he was getting into bed, then stopped realized someone was there.

"Oh, sorry Al..." He mumbled walking over to the other side of the bed. Ha! He thought I was Al and must of totally forgotten he had told me to sleep in his bed tonight. I mean it was really dark in the room, and I could barley see him myself. Even after he had said he would sleep on the couch. But, I didn't mind. I turned my head quietly as I watched him pull the sheets off on his side, as he collapsed in the bed, turning on his side toward me. He cuddled under the white blanket and closed his eyes. I didn't move, as I watched him try to fall asleep. I watched him move his mouth every once in a while, or a gust his head on the pillow. It took him about a good 15 minutes before I heard the steady sounds of his breathing, and I new he was asleep. His mouth was slightly open, with his arms folded at his chest. Even if it was so dark in the room, I could see everything I needed to. He was so peaceful while he slept, his most silent time of the day.

I turned over on my side facing him, as I closed my eyes in the darkness, listening to his soft breathing like I had the night he came into my room. Or like last night... It was then I realized something I never thought was true. Something I had always pushed aside. And it was nothing like when I was little. Even when he was away from Risembool, I still thought of him everyday, worrying. The Full Metal Alchemist, with auto mail limbs I designed just for him, who had nightmares still up to this day from the guilt he carried from trying to bring his mother back to life using alchemy and caused his brother to lose his entire body, with golden eyes that danced like fire when he lost that horrible temper that matched his thick hair he used to tie into a single braid that would lie on his back; I think I might of been in love with this man.

xxx

_A/N: I liked this one_ :)


	15. Tardy

_**Disclaimer: Own nothing...  
**_

**Tardy**

The sun shone brightly through the window, with the smell of breakfast rising up from an apartment below us. Birds softly sung outside, with cars slowly moving past the building on the ground. I smiled opening my eyes slightly, turning on my back to stretch when I realized someone was a lot closer then I had thought. My elbow had touched something warm and soft; Edward's head was right next to my shoulder, sleeping soundly. My heart pounded hard against my chest, remembering my thoughts from last night as I felt his hot breath touch my skin. I wondered if he had ever discovered that Alphonse wasn't sleeping in his bed, but instead I was. Today was Monday, and we had work. I sat up, looking out the window, to get a better view... Why did it seem to late? The sun had well already risen over the small city in Germany, and there were many more people on the street then usual. I turned my body so my legs dangled off the side as I got up and walked over to Ed's dresser. At the bottom of it, beneath all of his clothes was his pocket watch. Roy had given him another one, once he realized Al had lost it. I clicked it open it to peek at the time; Freak'en nine in the morning!? I nearly dropped it; All three of us had to be out of the house by at least 7:30! I hide the watch back underneath his clothes and ran to the bed jumping back into my spot. The sudden movement of the bed caused Ed to mumble something, softly under his breath. I placed my hand on top of him and shook his flesh shoulder hard.

"Ed wake up, were really late for work!" I told him quickly. He shifted his body and groaned.

"How late... Are we?..." I heard him ask softly.

"Really late, it's after nine!" His eyes shot open and he forced himself to sit up.

"How did we sleep so late?" He asked, scratching his head, with sleep still in his voice. I shrugged, then blushed when I realized he was starring at me, in his shirt with no pants. His face turned as red as mine, and he looked away, noticing he was practically naked as well. "Sorry." He mumbled. I nodded telling him it was fine. I think just then he just realized he had slept with me that way, and that I wasn't his brother. I left the room, leaving him; His face as red as that old cloak he used to wear. I almost ran into Al, in the hallway, he must of just woken up too, an' was running to come get his brother and I.

"Winry, do you know how late we are?! And you never woke me up last night, where did you sleep? Not on the couch, did you? I'm so sorry-" Alphonse stuttered nervously.

"No, it's okay! Really!? I'll tell you later, just go get dressed-" He let out a deep breath, then noticed my outfit, studying me over.

"Winry, what are you wearing?" I felt my cheeks burn up all over again.

"N-nothing, bad or anything. Just my pajamas- Al go get dressed!" He ran into Ed's room as I ran into my own. I dug through my dresser and grabbed the first shirt and pants I saw. I shoved them on, and grabbed a brush from my night stand, combing my hair as I walked through the bedroom door way. Ed was already dressed, and was in the kitchen, trying to pour a glass of water and put his hair up in a pony tail at the same time. I walked over to Ed, but decided not to offer him help. He wouldn't let me anyway...

"Winry, I need some help!" I heard him ask, annoyed that he only had _two_ hands; struggling as the hair tie slipped from his auto mail to the wooden floor. I ran to him, picking up the tie on the floor and quickly rapped it around his soft hair... The second time I had touched it. "Thanks, go get my gloves from my room, too." I nodded and ran to his room, almost running straight into Al again.

"I'm gonna head off to work, see you tonight, Win!" I heard him call as he passed me running toward the door as he picked up his coat and bag.

"Bye, Al!" Ed and I called at the same time. With Ed's white gloves in my hand I ran back to him as he picked up his brief case, putting his coat on at the same time.

"Calm down Ed, where already late so just take a breath-" He bent down and grabbed the gloves out of my hand with mouth, and ran to the door.

"Open it, Win!" Geeze, he really didn't listen to a word I had just said. I decided to avoid any arguing and grabbed my coat, slipping on my shoes. I picked up my huge black bag as well, and opened the door for Edward who was already looked as if he ws sweating. I locked it and we were off.

"We gotta take a cab, do you have any money. Oh man, I better not get fired after this, damn it." He mumbled, that was supposed to be directed to me.

"Yeah, I do. You won't be fired just calm down."

"Why didn't you wake us up like you usually do?" He asked as we started on the stair case heading down and out of the building.

"I'm not sure, I just over slept I guess." No answer. I think we were both embarrassed from last night. After we reached the bottom of the stair case and were outside, Ed dropped his brief case on the ground, slipping his gloves on over his mail. "Hey Ed, you go ahead and take a cab, I'm just going to walk to save money, ok? The shop is farther then your building anyway." I told him handing him money for the cab. He stopped what he was doing and looked at me strangely but then nodded taking the money.

"Okay, see you tonight... Winry." I smiled turning back to the direction I was headed in.

"Alright..." I said silently under my breath.

xxx

_A/N: What do you think of the story so far? Should I continue? Reviews are appreciated! _


	16. Maybe I Was Dreaming

_Auther's Note: I think I might need to look it over again... I just wanted to get another chapter up before Monday.****_

Disclaimer: I do not own Edward Elric, though I am working on it.

**Maybe I Was Dreaming  
**

I had a fairly good day at work. Even though I arrived almost two hours late, no one seemed to notice. I had started working on another car motor that was no trouble at all. Ben stayed away from me the entire time, I remember I saw him pass me once, speak a simple 'hello, but nothing else. I got a call from Al because he wanted to know if I got in work alright. I told him it all worked out as he said the same to me. I even got the courage to call Ed and see how everything worked out for him. I could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk, but he told me his boss wasn't even in today, so he ended up just sneaking into his office secretly. Plus, Monday's were pay day!

I got home from work around seven at night, to find Al had already fallen asleep on the couch. I softly tip toed to past him shutting off the only lamp in the room.

"G'night, Al." I whispered softly heading to my room and shutting the door behind me. My room wasn't as comfortable as Ed and Al's room it was much smaller, and older, but it was my room, the room I had always owned. I pulled off my shirt and found sweats and a tang top to wear. I slide my hand under my pillow, pulling out a small book I had bought recently. I opened to the second page and began reading. After an hour or so passed, and I was just about to slip under the covers I heard a knock on my door.

"Uh, come in?" I said sitting on the side on my mattress. But the man who opened the door wasn't Al who I thought, but Ed... He was in his boxers, with a black baggy tee shirt that fell off of his flesh shoulder. I watched as he walked over to my mattress and sat on it beside me. He then fell back on his back, folding his arms behind his head resting his eyes. I starred at him curiously, but when I got no response, I broke the silence.

"Hey, Ed." He nodded. "Um, I didn't know you where home already." I said, looking away from him.

"I 'snuck out of work early." He answered stiffly. "I'm tired." I gave him a stern look, but took a deep breath holding back my temper.

"But..." I let another breath out before I continued. "But, what if they find out? You better not lose your job..." I sighed, looking away again. He shrugged as he took in the cool air in my room, slowly letting it back out. I decided not to ask why he was here. It's not like I minded that much- Other then I was about to get into bed. But, still.

"I dunno, Al fell asleep in the middle of _my_ bed, so there wasn't any room." He lied, abbreviating the word 'my', opening his eyes looking at me. I almost snorted, laughing from his statement as I slipped my feet under the covers, and tried to slide under. I turned on my side, my legs folded since he had taken up the rest of the end of the bed. As much I liked his company, I wondered about what he was planning to do, and where his idea of sleeping was tonight.

"Alright. Well, I am kinda in the mood to sleep now..." I stated quietly. I watched him bring his legs up onto the bed as he sat cross legged now at the end of it. He pulled out an alchemy book from behind his back, I hadn't noticed he'd brought when he had first entered the room. He leaned his back up against the wall, (since my bed was next to the wall) opened the book and started to read, just like I had moments before, using the moonlight for light.

"Go ahead." He said, a few moments after opening it. What was he trying to do, he was obviously not leaving, and wanted to stay in the room with me. I wasn't in the mood to argue with him, and besides if I pushed aside the childish way he was acting, his actions were kind of sweet. Maybe this was his way of affection, or something. Or maybe he needed comfort. Or maybe I was just dreaming. I pulled up the blanket over my head and closed my eyes, pretending the room was pitch black, and no one was there but my self. I tried to imagain it was a normal night, nothing out of the ordinary so maybe I could actually become tired. I heard him flip a page in his book, then silently continue to read. I didn't think I was as tired as I felt, but suddenly my eye lids became heavy. I forced them open with my hands, but felt them close again. The room was so dark, and Ed's soft breathing along with the pages moving softly against the hard cover book where so relaxing. I was hidden under the covers, a perfect place to just drift off to sleep...

xxx


	17. We Are All Broken

_Author's Note: Slight lemon warning._

I didn't want to break the chapter up into two parts, and I wanted to take my time with it. So sorry for the long chapter.

_**Disclaimer: Arakawa-sama owns everything.**_

**We Are All Broken**

I awoke to the bed rustling, and my name. Yes, I had just heard someone softly speak my name... What time was it? My face was still covered under the blanket, as I pulled it off my head. I could barley see, but there was a blurry image over me. Edward was still in the room, and was looking down right at me. He wasn't smiling, but wasn't frowning either. He had no expression at all. I spoke his name, as I turned toward him and asked what he was doing.

"What's wrong... Edward...?" I bearly whispered, as I tried to push away the sleep in my voice.

"Win. Do you... Do you really want to go back home? Are you happy here? I was thinking, and your right. It really is all my fault you're stuck here, on this side... On this side of the gate...I'm so, so sorry..." His voice trailed off, and he closed his eyes looking away. I heard him suck in a deep breath; his shoulder's fell as a single tear drop fell from his face on to my chin. He sat up on the bed, bringing a flesh hand to his face, wiping another tear from his eye. I watched him try to calm down, holding his breath. He didn't want me to see him cry. Not like this. He hadn't cried in front of me for a long time... I can't even remember the last time I saw him cry. Ed wasn't the kind of person to fall apart from frustration, or physical pain but instead from heartbreak and guilt. And death. It slightly frightened me to see him break down in front of me. I pulled myself up so we were eye level to each other. I reached my hand out to his hand, and pulled it down to my lap. He looked at me, his golden eyes flickering cutting through the darkness.

"No Ed, it's not your fault... Not at all." I looked up at him to find he was looking right back, straight into my eyes. I looked deep into his, diving into his soul. He had stopped crying, but I could see that little boy deep down inside his heart. Edward Elric has been through so much, he always acted so tough and strong. He almost never let anyone see this other side of him. But even through everything he had been through, he was still broken. We are all broken. And it was my turn to comfort him. "Please Edward. Just don't cry... I don't blame you for anything. I'm sorry for what I had said the other day, I was just in a bad moon, an' just don't c-cry..." My voice squeaked, and hadn't been as strong as I wanted it.

Suddenly, with out warning I watched his face cringe and his arms reached out pulling me into him. He dug his warm head into my shoulder and squeezed me tight. He wasn't physicaly crying anymore, he never cried for long periods of time. But I could still feel his body shake.

"I'm so sorry, Win..." He breathed out into my body. My hands found their way to his strong back, rubbing it, trying to calm the tense boy down. I could feel every single muscle in his body shake. A few minutes had passed before he pulled away from me, then slowly started moving toward my lips, as I moved towards his. It happened unintentionally, but it felt like we had planned it all along. I remember the one time we ever kissed, only a few nights ago. And I remember the feeling I had when his tongue had stopped dead. And I remember his eyes snapping open, his beautiful face filled with horror and I remember he tried to cover it up with a hug. But this was different. I felt as though I had melted. Just like it was a hot summer day, and I had melted right there on the concrete. He grabbed my back pressing my chest up against his. A second passed, and then another. Every moment felt better then the last as we continued to kiss. I touched his face as he grabbed my waist. I tried to enjoy every second of it. But after a bit, when my body was in need of air, I was the one to pull away first, gasping but smiling slightly. I studied his face, probably just as red as my own. He was trembling, and had gotten even warmer by the minute; Both of our faces were flushed. He then pushed his lips back against mine once he knew I had caught my breath. My free hand slid it's way up to his warm, sweaty face, pushing a wet, golden bang behind his ear. We fell back on the bed together, still locked. My breathing picked up when I felt him wrap his right leg around my own. I flinched.

"Winry..." He breathed into our kiss. "Is this... You... Ok?" I tried to nod as my arm slipped down his neck, onto his cold, metal shoulder. Although I was afraid, I didn't feel guilty at all. This was something the two of us had always wanted since we were kids. Well this wasn't _exactly _how I pictured it_... _But I felt safe with him. I have to admit, I was nervous when the thought first crossed my mind... Edward and myself in a bed together. But it seemed ok. Everything seemed like it was supposed to be this way.

I grabbed his cool, metal wrist, and brought it up to my neck, as I felt his flesh hand intertwine my tangled, blond, hair. With my free hand, I reached around his neck, pulling his hair tie out of a neat pony tail, touching his hot scalp. He shifted, as we both pulled away for the second time. I was so happy, I wanted him so much. My eyes drifted down to his mouth; He wasn't smiling. In fact, we was frowning. I felt his breathing slowly start to pick up and I could see a bit of nervousness in his golden eyes.

"Ed... What's wrong? Is... This okay?" I asked, catching my breath in between each word. Even though I felt completely comfortable doing what we were doing, I wasn't sure if he was. He breathed out my name, lifting his soft hand to the cloth of my shirt sitting on my shoulder. I knew what he was trying to do, but he just couldn't. My hand grabbed it, as I assisted him in pulling down my shirt, off my shoulder. Then the other. With in a second, my shirt had carpeted the floor, leaving me only with a thin white bra covering my body. With out asking, I reached and touched his bear chest. Lucky for me, Edward had entered my room with out a shirt. Only underwear. He hugged me leaning over my waist to unstrap my bra. I waited for it to come lose with my head nuzzled into his soft chest.

"Damn it... Win... I can't do this..." I could feel his face blush, as he looked down at me.

"Edward... Stop for a second. You idiot..." I reached behind my back, and pushed his hand away from the strap. Poor Ed, even though we were both virgin's, it was quite sad he couldn't unstrap a woman's bra. I unclasped it, as he pulled it away. I looked down to his red boxers. He knew what was next, and helped me pull them off as well. He lifted the thin sheet over our heads as we smiled under it in the darkness. I pushed my body over his, laying on top of his warm flesh. He started with a simple peck on my shoulder, then flooded my neck with them. He was shy to touch me, I knew that. But I could tell he wanted me. And I wanted him. But I wasn't ready to make the first move. I touched his face, and tried to encourage him to go first. Although I was nervous, I was ready.

"Go ahead, Ed. Touch me... It's alright..." I whispered into the darkness. Edward's eyes were flooded with doubt for a moment. But suddenly I felt his warm, delicate, flesh hand cup my breast. We rolled over, with me lying on the warm, moist mattress. He bent down, taking in the smell of my salty skin. His hands circled my body, squeezing my hips, stopping between my soft legs. His lips rested upon my abdomen causing me to thrust and cry his name. He liked the noise, and continued to bite and suck the soft skin. He was trembling, but was smiling a lustful grin. I knew he was new at this, but for a new guy he wasn't half bad. His movements were rewarding and relaxing. His trusting hands repeatedly stroked my legs gently, pulling down my panties.

At first he hesitated, but then slowly drifted inside me. His fingers were so smooth, and relaxing. Like nothing I could have ever imagined. However, suddenly, with out warning, another loud moan left my mouth as I sat up and dug my head into his hard torso. I felt him smile, finding a weak spot, and diving deeper inside me. I winced again, enjoying it as much as he was, still a single tear slipped off my cheek. I knew he loved the feeling, after all I think he loved me. We got close enough for him to feel a tear drop on his already wet skin. I wasn't in real pain, but it was my first time and we were both new at this. For a second, many things crossed my mind. Why was I doing this? How did I get into it? But at the same time this was a good slight pain. I was happy. That was the real reason I began to cry.

"Winry.. Are you ok? I'm sorry, it hurts, doesn't it? To cause you pain is the last thing I want..." I let a deep breath out, lifting my suddenly very heavy head up to look into his eyes. I smiled as my hand found it was up to his chest, and around to his back.

"No Ed... Everything is... Fine..." I hugged him as I whispered the word, 'more'.

With that he knew, as he added another smooth finger, and as I moaned his name, bringing a hand up to his sweaty, beautiful hair. He fell onto me, squeezing a hand through my tangled hair. He kissed me again, then I spoke.

"Edward... I want you so much... I really do..." I trailed off before I had decided to continue. "And, Ed?" He ignored my question, as I melted through his finger tips. He was as warm as I was, the heat radiating from my skin onto his. I didn't even want to think about the cool air waiting outside of the warm bed. My thoughts raced back to him as a new small shock of pain ran up my back. I cringed, grabbing his body. I bit his tiny scars that led from his skin to the cool mail. He stopped immediately.

"Damn it Win..." I turned to him as we began to kiss again. It was a soothing kiss, very relaxing as it vanished every bit of discomfort. He pulled away lying his head between my breasts as I brought a hand up to his hair, stroking his forehead. He was tired, completely drained. He was beginning to move in and out, eventually resting his hand on my waist.

"Edward?" I heard him softly grunt. Sleep had already taken over his voice, and I could tell he wouldn't last much longer. So I decided to make what I wanted to say quick. "Ed, I've known you for so long. I learned to accept everything about you..." I let out a long, shaky breath before continuing. "And, I think... I think that maybe there is a good chance that I am falling in love with you..." But it was too bad; He had already drifted off into a heavy slumber. My arms surrounded his head as I cradled it with my soul. My thin hands began digging through his hair as they separated it into three sections. With out command, my fingers twisted the thick strands, weaving one section over the other. Before I knew it, a long braid dangled over his back, as I pulled a black hair tie off my wrist and strapped it around the end of his hair. I never asked why, but he had decided never to wear a braid since he left our world. It was the first time I had ever seen him in one. And I loved it.

I was sure Ed had some sort of feeling toward me. After that act, and sharing a moment that felt so good with someone you cared for so deeply. The reason I was afraid was because I wasn't sure of what to expect. I didn't want to ruin the relationship I had already shared with Ed. And I guess that's because I had always loved him. From a childhood crush to now, I think things are about to get interesting. I stretched my foot, nuzzling my head into his. My eyes unwillingly closed, as two more petals fell, and disappeared into the warm, white sheets surrounding us.

xxx

_Author's Note: I was really worried about posting this chapter. It was my first lemon-ish chapter I have ever posted on FF, and I was so worried I might screw up the story if i didn't write it well. I looked over this for days, trying to decide how I could make it better. So please, go easy on me, no flames please! Although advice for the future would be great if you have any. Thanks for understanding, and to everyone who has been reviewing and encouraging me to continue! It means a lot_ :)

_Edit: Thanks Kalana Fox for your advice!_

_And this is still just a taste of the story, I hope to get over 100 chapters eventually. Now we are getting into the plot_


	18. I Just Know

_**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone.**_

**I Just Know**

People have said that you always dream when you sleep, even if you don't remember it. I never believed that, because I almost never remember my dreams. In fact I only think it's possible to day dream. But for some reason, that night, (which happened to be last night) I could remember every freak'en detail. It was almost as if I had lived it instead of dream it. I could feel things, like the grass on the hill I had been standing on, and I could feel the pain when I had fallen and scraped my knee on the side walk. I felt my heart practically jump out of my throat when Edward had grabbed my waist, with a surprise attack. Then whisper in my ear, 'Are you ok... Win?' I remember his cool voice against my neck, and his smooth hands slide up to touch my chest, even though one was made of metal. I almost wanted to smack myself for dreaming about him in such a way. But since last night, I just wanted to have everything to do with him. I had fallen in love. I think. It just seemed so sudden, even though I had known him for all my life.

I awoke from my slumber on my side, facing him; He was already awake, arms folded behind his head looking straight up at the beige ceiling. He looked as if he was lost in thought, and hadn't even noticed I had woken up. The sheet that was covering the two of us was up to his waist. I watched him close his eyes letting out a deep, painful breath. If only I could slip into his thoughts. I would do anything to know truthfully what the alchemist was thinking. His mind had always been impossible to enter. Edward was just too hard to read. Eventually, I yawned and sat up, deciding it was time to let him know I had woken up. I felt him look over to me, as I spun my head around into his eyes.

''Morning." He said softly, quickly looking away. I nodded slightly shocked he had at all spoke to me so suddenly. Ed usually never was the kind of person to speak first in the mornings.

"What are you thinking?" He grunted a 'what'. "Right now, what's on your mind." I didn't mean to be so blunt with him, I just wanted to know. I never knew I had so much confidence to finally ask him, it was just that-

"Nothing." He had interrupted my thoughts by answering quickly. But I should have known, he would never open up to me like that. Not in a thousand years.

"Bu- Do you know what time it is?" I stuttered staring out the window as the tiny people below walked down the street. I wanted to start an argument, but that really wasn't the right path.

"Before seven I think.." He sat up, stretched, and slowly rised to his feet. I could tell he wasn't in the mood to talk. He seemed to be in a bad mood, not with me but himself. He acted that way a lot, and I had learned to just leave him be whenever he acted like that. "Get ready for work soon. We can't afford to be late again." I heard him say before disappearing on the other side of my door. I nodded to myself, before sighing.

I knew that I wasn't going to get anything out of him this morning. Just the thought of it all bothered me. Even when I was so happy the night before, depression had crept over me so fast.

I walked into the living room dressed in black sweats and a white tang top to see Ed and Al sitting at the kitchen table with speaking; just staring at the oak table. Usually Al had something to say to break the morning silence, but today seemed different. Ed seemed a little, 'off' as well as Al.

"Winry, ever hear of the umm... Uranium bomb?" Al asked not taking his eyes off the table.

"Uh, no. Why? What is it?" Just the word 'bomb' alone caused a quick chill to run down my spine. The one thing I really liked about this side of the gate, Ed and Al had nothing to do. They had no goals, no dreams. They weren't chasing after something and constantly leaving me in the dark. They just lived life with no worries, other then the nightmares of their past. But I could tell, something was about to change.

xxx

_Auther's Note: Yay! My first cliff hanger! Well, it's kind of one... You'll just have to keep on reading_ :)


	19. Burn

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or the Full Metal Alchemist.**_

**Burn**

Back in Risembool, while Ed and Al searched for the stone, the days were lonely. When they had first left us, it was a huge surprise to me. I was worried, and confused. It seemed like my amazing childhood had drained away so fast. Death, along with age and science had wiped out my friendships and relationships with in the last few years. But when Ed and Al left-my closest friends in the entire world-I felt like trash, even when Grandma Pinako told me they would be back once they realized their mistake. That just didn't seem like Ed. He was the kind of guy that once he made up his mind, it was final. I completely gave up hope of them ever returning; Thoughts of abandonment crossed my mind. Sometimes I thought I would lose it all together. That's one of the reasons I studied so hard to become the best auto mail engineer I could. So that, maybe even when they wanted me to stay out of the mess they had created, I could still be of same kind of assistance to them. However that may help.

Learning how to become an engineer, and designing new models of auto mail became a daily aspect in my life. It was normal for an eleven year old girl like me. And as I grew older, things became even more interesting. I learned to love what I did, and my love for screws and wrenches took the place of love for a guy. It distracted me from real love. From heart breaks and nightmares. I think that was the reason why I was so new to this feeling I had been experiencing.

The next week went by slowly. Work basically went down hill and sucked. We weren't getting much business, plus the fact Ben had quit. I wasn't sure why; he had recently stopped talking to everyone. And before we knew it, he didn't show up, prior the last 5 days. It confused me when I felt sad after I learned he had left. But then again, he was my only friend there. The only one I could talk to.

Mean while, back at home Ed hadn't spoken a word to either me or Al. Even Alphonse was acting different. Something was bugging the two of them, and they wouldn't have me anything to do with it, just like in the old days. The three of us had started working over time, preparing ourselves for the rent price to rise. Ed hadn't mentioned a thing about what we did. He stayed in his room at night, as I stayed in mine. It was as if things had gotten back to normal, but I wasn't sure if I liked normal.

The accident started on a warm August night, in the old apartment. I was tired, drained from work. Thank god it had been a Friday, with a long weekend to follow. Ed had forgotten his book from the other night he was reading, and I had picked it up with interest. It was then it started to get warm. I ignored it at first, not giving the rising heat a second thought. With out realizing it I began to feel my eye lids grow heavier. I thought it was my exhaustion, what else could it be?

The last thing I could remember was the roars of trucks racing past our street, and the screams of people outside on the sidewalk pointing to the brick apartment building yelling one word. One word that sent panic through my entire body, "FIRE!"

xxx

_Auther's Note: That was a real cliffy, huh? Things are about to get interestng... :)_


	20. Pure As Fire

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ed nor Winry...**_

**Pure As Fire**

"Winry!?" Damn it, Winry are you in there?!" I opened my eyes with my hands folding on my chest, the alchemy book on my lap. "WIN! I can't open the frigg'en door!" Ed? I sat up immediately to find the room black, but as hot as an oven. It seemed to be getting hotter by the minute. A strong glow was peeking brightly from under my door. Black smoke had filled the room, and I couldn't even make out my hand in front of me. I pushed myself up to my feet as I coughed rapidly. My head was throbbing and I found it almost impossible to breathe.

"Winry!?" His screams interrupted my thoughts as I collapsed back on to my bed unable to stand.

"Ed, what, what's happening? I c-can't get up..." I stuttered not understanding a thing. My mind went blank and I couldn't process anything. Again I attempted to jump to my feet and run to the door, yet my legs failed me. I felt as if I was paralized. Fear swept through my body as sweat began dripping down my forehead. I wanted to cry but couldn't find the energy to do so.

"Winry, thank god. Win can you hear me? The damn appartment is on fire! Open the door."

"I can't move Ed. I... I don't feel-"

"Ok... Ok, just stay away from the door a minute. Just for a second, Alright?" His voice was full of panic, and disbelief. I used the rest of my energy to pull my self up against the warm wall of my room to grab the red rose that layed on top along with the alchemy book. I waited for Edward's next move. I tried to calm down, not wanted to admit to myself how terrified I was. Was I going to die? Here in Germany? Away from Grandma Pinako and everyone else? No one would know what happened to me, I would be gone forever and no one would ever know. It would be the same as disappearing into the air.

Without a second thought the door was smashed open, with Edward on the other side as he held his right hand to his chest. His eyes were full with fear and his pony tail had almost completely fallen out. His long bangs were glued to his skin from the sweat dripping out of his pours. Our once living room was set on fire, the plaid couch was destroyed along with our dining table. The entire kitchen was black, and was almost impossible to see. I had always thought a fire was a beautiful thing; Something warm and bright that glowed at night; That kept one warm or gave us light. But this was a disaster; the once grey smoke was darker then black itself. It filled my tiny bedroom quickly, forcing me to shut my eyes. I couldn't breathe at all as I unwillingly fell to the bed peeling my eyes to open as Ed cut through the dark smoke, making his way to the bed, coughing himself.

"Winry, you still with me? Damn, Win just stay with me a little longer!" I looked up at him and reached my arm out to his face.

"Edward, what the hell's happening? What are we gonna-?"

"Can you stand up? We need to leave now."

"I'm not sure... Where's... Where's Alphonse?"

"God Winry, he's not home yet. Just try to get up!" It was almost as if he was about to break down into tears. He was literally falling apart. He had rolled up his sleeves revealing his auto mail, however still had his white gloves on now covered in ash. I took a deep breath still holding the rose and his book, as I reached for the window pain with my free arm to pull me up. It was then we both heard something snap as the wall connecting my bedroom with the rest of the apartment collapsed. My eyes started to close. With out another thought Ed's powerful arm slid under my legs as the other under my neck. With out much effort he lifted my small body off the bed, with me still holding the small possessions I had saved close to my heart. I dug my head into his flesh shoulder as another wall from the building fell to the ground causing the entire floor to shake.

"Ed what are we gonna, d-do?" I whispered into his warm cotton shirt. He didn't answer as I felt him run out of my room into the burning living room. He mumbled something to himself. "What?"

"I can't see a damn thing..." I grabbed his shirt as we trudged through the walls of our home. He gasped. I looked up to find a ring of fire had completely surrounded us, including our way out. He squeezed me tight as I began to cry. It was over, we had lost this battle and we were both about to die. It was done.

With out warning I felt him catch his breath before letting it out again. He backed up, then run leaping over a large piece of burning wood. He ran into his room, placed me on his bed, then ran back to the door slamming it shut. It was the only room the fire hadn't reached yet. He cupped his face with his hands walking to the window as I watched him let out a sob. He sucked in the smoky air around him before opening the window and sticking his head outside of it for fresh air.

"Edward?" He spun around towards me and gave me the most terrifying look any man could possibly have. I watched him walk back over to the bed pick me up, then to the open window.

"Just hang on, Win..." He stated gaining his voice back as he turned to stick a left leg outside of it. Then another. That's when I realized; The fire escape! Our side of the building was the only side with a fire escape! Maybe we could survive after all. I continued to take short, even breaths, using only will power to stay conscious as he slowly climbed down the ladder. He almost lost his balance once or twice. He grasped me with his left hand, and climbed down with the other. I slung my arms around his neck holding on as tight as I could. We had almost made it to the ground when we stopped dead in his tracks.

"Whast's wrong... E-Ed...?" I manged to peek over his shoulder to discover the rest of the fire escape was completely gone. The fire was hot enough to even melt metal, and the burning mess was right below us. We had no choice but to jump.

"Win, just jump. I'll be right behind you. Just go, ok?" I looked up into his eyes. He was serious. There was no way I could find the energy to jump from the height we were at. No way. But I had to try; For him.

"Ok." He turned toward the ground away from the ladder as I slowly released my grip from his neck. I turned around, only holding onto his damp black tee shirt. "You can do this Win... Just let go. I'll be right there..." I jumped. It was almost as if it was in slow motion. My energy disappeared in the air and was gone when I hit the ground. I landed on my feet, but fell to my knees staring at the cold, hard ground. I looked up to see people rushing with buckets of water, and a fire engine in the distance. With in seconds Ed was behind me, assisting me to my feet. We walked slowly to the front of the building to find Al standing and watching. Ed and I turned to face our home, as it burned to the ground. There are no words possible in this word that could explain what was going through my mind. And Ed... for him to have to stare at his home burn to the ground for the second time. What could he possibly be thinking. How it must of felt... Such memories were stored away inside his mind. I guess that was the reason he suddenly ran off alone into the darkness, leaving me and Al with the building slowly disappearing before our eyes.

xxx

_Author's Note: The reason Winry felt like passing out was because of the chemicals from the smoke. She had just inhaled too much, but I promise she'll be fine!_


	21. Unbearable

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Ed nor Winry..._**

Unbearable

The reason Edward and Alphonse had burned down their home years ago in Risembool was because they only had one thing in mind; To move forward. They wanted to leave their painful memories behind them, and move on in their lives. So the two of them burned their home to the ground and left. Even if that was what they wanted at the time, it must of been painful to watch. They grew up in that home after all; Lived behind those wooden blocks their entire life up until now. To leave it at such a young age seems almost impossible. But to watch it happen for the second time. That's unbearable.

Al said to let him go, and not to chase after Ed as we stood in front of the burning building together. He needed some time alone, by himself. And that we would look for him later, Al had told me. Alphonse helped me stand up, as we walked to a small motel only a few miles away from the burning building. As we moved forward.

That's one thing the Elric brother's were good at.

"Are there any rooms available for tonight?" Al asked exhausted to the lady sitting behind the counter. Al had never entered the burning building, he still looked at though he had just left work late after working over time. But me; I was covered in ash, in short black shorts with a tang top loosely around my chest. Not to mention I wasn't wearing a bra. I was still drained of energy, and had clutched the rose petal and book so close to my chest it had left marks on my skin. I had sat down on the couch near the counter, lost in thought.

The lady had red hair in tight curls pinned to her head. Her lip stick was a bright red, and stuck out from her pale white skin. Her black eyes were small, and she looked pretty waisted herself. She was wearing tight black pants with a small tee shirt to match showing her stomach.

"For you two?" She slurred, finally answering Al looking up.

"Uh, yeah. Just for the next couple of nights would be great." He forced a smile at the woman. She sighed reaching under the desk to grab a cigarette, lit it, then nodded. Nearly ten minutes passed before she stood up. I sighed with relief when she handed Al our room key.

"You are in room B-36, enjoy your stay kids." Her voice sounded annoyed, tired, as if this is that was what she was required to say to everyone. Al grabbed the key, paid the lady for the next three nights with the money he had just made at work, then walked over to me.

"Hey Win." He smiled offering me his hand. I grabbed it as he pulled it up. "How are you doing, feeling a bit better?" I nodded, then coughed quickly looking away. He must of knew exactly what I was thinking, concidering what his next statement was. "Brother will be fine, really. I promise you. He just needs some time to think things over. You know, this isn't the first time we lost our home..." Al sighed as his eyes crept down to his feet.

"I know. I'm sorry... Al."

"We just need to move on, it will work out." I tried to smile, but I couldn't trust his voice. He helped me up the stairs to room B-36, slowly but carefully. The room wasn't that bad, besides the fact that it had one bed, in one room. It was a large room with a small kitchen, no table. A queen size bed was pushed against the wall in the back, with a white night stand next to it. The room was carpeted with an old, yet soft carpet. The walls were painted pastel colors, with a wooden door leading into a bathroom. I managed to make it to the bed myself, sitting on it with still with disbelief. Had we really just lost our home? It was a hard concept to except, and I knew it was even harder for Al... And Ed.

"Al, how could this happen?" I suddenly blurted out. He looked at me strangely but didn't answer, so I continued. "I mean, what's next? Is this really possible for everything to be happening the way it has?" My voice cracked, as I felt tears swelling up behind my eyes; I could feel my voice rising. "We're gonna lose our jobs, we don' have m-money for f-food! And Ed, now he's gone, too, he's not the same anymore! What the hell are we going to do! I don't have the slightest clue where he might be, Al!" I had lied about that last statement, I knew where he had probably gone; But the tears had started falling faster then I could handle. But Al knew, I shouldn't have been so blunt with him. He just smiled a sheepish grin and sat on the floor next to the bed.

"Winry... How long have you liked brother? I mean since the three of us started living together, or from Risembool?" My face instantly turned dark red, as I looked away.

"W-why would you ask that?" I sniffed wiping away a fresh tear. Well that was a stupid response. So that was it, Al must have known everything. It only made sense though. I mean, he must of figured out Ed was sleeping somewhere if it wasn't his bed or the couch. And plus, he hadn't sparked an argument with me since we... Got closer.

"Alphonse, I just worry, I have always worried about you two since you left. You k-know that right?" He nodded. "That's all. I miss you... I miss Ed, too. The old Edward, the one who would laugh and smile. He's just been so different since we came here... And I guess it's because he's growing up, too. That probably has something to do with it; After all he has been acting... Umm... More _mature_..." Al chuckled softly. "But I think he's gotten depressed since you and I crossed the gate. He knows we aren't as happy as we were is Risembool... And, I guess I really.. I think I really do..."

"I think he likes you, too." I stared at him slightly confused. Al laughed again. "C'mon, you think he doesn't? Ed has always cared about you. We're your best friends, but I think since he's gotten older, and might I add, _taller_, we've come to know you for who you really are." Who I really am, huh? It was a thought... I looked straight into Al's eyes as I had to Edward not to long ago.

"Well, umm... Thanks, Al."

"We'll look for him in the morning if he hasn't already found us, ok? You should get some rest though, you look tired." I layed down on the bed as I watched Alphonse walk to the closet to retrieve a few blankets. It was when he returned to the bed I spoke again.

"Al?"

"Yes?"

"Ed hasn't talked to me since that, umm...night...and I was just wondering...do you know something that I don't?"

"Winry, you know Ed rarely shows his feelings, even to me. But...I'm sure Ed...liked it...he's just probably embarrassed." I felt my cheeks burn up for the second time during that conversation. "I guess the only way to find out is to talk to him, Win." He must of saw the look in my eyes for him to continue talking. "And don't worry, I'll keep it a secret for now. You should be the one to tell him how you feel, when your ready I guess." I had always thought I had to be there for Al, he was younger then me after all... But tonight, he was the older brother for both me and Ed. I smiled for the first time that week; But it was a true smile this time.

"Ok. But really, Al. Thanks."

xxx

_Auther's Note: I really worked hard on this chapter. My goal was to get Winry to really dump all her feelings she had kept a secret on Al, and for Al to give her the best advice he could. How did I do? I'm sorry again though for the length, it wasn't supossed to be this long!_

And thank you everyone for all the generious reviews!


	22. Why are you Crying?

_Auther's Note: 'Scuse any mistakes..._

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist..._ **

**Say, What's on your Mind. Why are you Crying?**

The reason people lie is simple; They are afraid of the truth. After all, the exact opposite of a lie is the truth. Yes, of course people can be physically strong, that's an easy task that anyone can accomplish. But being mentally strong is much different. It's a power people either develop over time and learn through experience, or are just simply born with strength. Those who don't poses it, are left with one option; To lie. I had to lie to Al tonight, my best friend. I had to tip-toe past his sleeping form lying on his side next to the bed nearly one in the morning. And when he woke up, just as I was opening the door to leave, I told him I was thirsty and our sink wasn't working. Just a simple white lie like that.

I couldn't bring him with me, he would never let me go in the first place. Just try to stop me, and I understood why. But this was something I needed to do now, on my own. And as I ran through the darkness, with the over grown trees shading me from the moon light up above, the thought crossed me. Was I as strong as I thought I was?

With a small back pack strapped to my fragile shoulder, bouncing up and down, I ran heavily on the side walk barefoot. Inside it was the sheet from my bed at the motel, and the alchemy book I had saved. I hadn't fully recovered from the fire, both physically and mentally. My clothes still covered in ash and my long hair flew lose in the wind. I could still feel my entire body shake with fear, remembering the burning flames that destroyed our only home. The sidewalk was cemented on a small cliff, with the breeze from the river flowing beneath it. I was looking for Ed, and I knew exactly where he was.

Just a bit further now; So breezy for a summer night. Damn. I had almost fell right in a deep hole in the sidewalk. I could tell it was old, since it had many cracks through out it's length. I hadn't been this far out in town, I barley even knew there was a lake here. But I remember Ed had told me once he liked to visit it. No one came to this part of town, and the lake made it so peaceful; It was the perfect place to just be alone. He had said he always came here for the first two years living alone on this side of the gate. As I felt the night get later, I wanted to run faster. He had to be out here some where, and I had come so far. Dammit! I had almost fallen in another hole again. I seriously had to watch where I was going or I would fall right off the hill into the water.

When I first saw the blurry image so far away, crouching down at the very end of where the side walk ends, I could of swear I was imagining it. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw it fall to it's back to gaze up at the stars. I squinted to try and understand who this was; Was it really Edward? Yes, I could barely make out his long golden hair he had recently put up into a pony tale, but his golden eyes reflecting into the lake gave him away. I was suddenly scared to continue my task, but my feet kept moving. I walked at a slow pace closer, and closer to him. He was in such a daze, he didn't even realize I had slowly crept up behind him. My bare feet scraped against the cold, moist grass as my heavy breathing worried me. He would defiantly hear me, I was only about a foot away from him at this point. I stopped and sat on the ground, waiting for him to turn around. When he didn't, it was my turn to break the silence.

"If you don't say what's on your mind, it will only keep hurting..." I barley whispered, looking down at the green strands tickling my feet, already soaking my black shorts. I regretted what I had said right away, but I think it was what he needed to hear.

"I'm still living in a dream... Even with you and Al, it's still a damn dream." He spoke bluntly, still his eyes glued to the stars. I wasn't sure if I knew what he meant, but his voice scared me... it was full of sadness. He sounded as though he had been crying. It was a clear sky tonight, not one cloud was visible. We looked up at the sky together silently for a while, just thinking. We disappeared together in our own thoughts for a minute. Ten went by as if three hours had.

"Win..." A cracked, broken voice cut through the frozen air. I waited for him to continue. "Winry... how are we supposed to fix this fuck'en mess? We're stuck here, and helpless... We're only humans, what could we possibly do to be happy again?" My heart dropped. Wasn't he at least a little happy? He had Al and me, we we're hear with him. Baring the same sin he was, just like back in our world.

"We'll Ed... I guess we, we can move forward..." He sat up looking at me slightly surprised. "I'm not sure how, but we'll get through this. You, me and Al, here look... I brought you something..." I pulled out the alchemy book in from my back pack and handed it to him changing the subject, along with the long white sheet I raped around his back. He lifted the book up to his eye level, studying it closely.

"Who told you that?" He suddenly asked, gaining his voice back. I thought back to what I had said, puzzled by his comment.

"Told me... What?"

"To, move forward?"

"Um, Al did."

"Right..." He looked down at the book, and sighed a long, sad, sigh. It was then I started to cry. I wasn't exactly sure why I was at the time, but it was out of my control. "Why are you crying?" He grunted, his eyes back to the stars. He had asked me that before, I remember... Back in Risembool right after his entire auto mail had been completely crushed by who they called, 'scar'.

"Why don't you ever cry, E-Ed? A few tears every once in a while don't c-count..." He didn't even look at me, he just continued to let the sky soak in his feelings.

"Because if I seriously started to, I could never stop."

xxx


	23. Life's Mysteries

_Auther's Note: Sorry for any mistakes, I was watching the Olympics while editing this :)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, or the Full Metal Alchemist...**

**Life's Mysteries**

I sat alone on the bed studying my finger nails as Ed slept soundly on the floor, blankets surrounding him he had kicked off himself. The alchemy book lie open on his stomach, slowly moving up and down to the rhythmic sounds of his breathing. Al had stepped out into the hall way; He was on the phone with his boss, trying to get the day off for today. I think the guy was giving him a pretty hard time; Thank god Ed wasn't awake, he would have walked over to the building himself and beat the man for not letting his brother have the day off considering our home was now gone. It was a clear morning, very bright and warm. But September was near, the nights were getting cooler faster, as well as the mornings. The sun was taking longer to come out, and was disappearing faster each evening. There were less birds in the sky and less and less people with tee shirts out on the street. It still hadn't soaked in that our home had burned down, and now our only house was a small motel only a few miles away. Ed was right, it did all seem like a dream, everything was happening so fast. I shook the thought out of my mind, suddenly remembering last night.

_After I had found Ed, I eventually convinced him into coming to the motel Al and I booked to get some rest. At first he told me he was in a horrible mood, to leave him alone and that he was spending the night there. But the cold grass had soaked his shirt and pants, along with his moist, golden hair. He was in need of a shower along with a change of clothes. We walked silently back down the dark sidewalk, under the trees to the motel. We had taken the long way so we wouldn't have to past our apartment building. It would just be too much to bear for the both of us. By the time we had gotten home, it was way to late to take a shower and we were both exhausted. Ed told me to sleep on the bed, and he would get the floor. I was close to starting an argument that he should sleep on the bed, but I was afraid he might punch me... And I had no wrenches in handy to fight back. Dark bags had grown under his eyes, along with now visible bruises from the fire. After taking his shirt off, and throwing it to the floor, he grabbed a pillow from my bed, and nearly fell to the floor next to Al, raped in the sheet I had brought him. He had pushed everything that had happened aside, and was instantly asleep. I grabbed another blanket from the closet in our room, and dropped it on him. He looked cold._

Still, as bad as things had been the last week, I wasn't at all in a bad mood. I was quite content, and still hadn't considered to think about everything that happened. Edward was actually a great example; After watching him put our troubles aside so he could sleep peacefully, I was able to get a good night's sleep, as well. It must of been something he learned from experience.

It's been almost three months now since we have started our new lives no this side of the gate, and I'm not sure if I like it. But back when Ed had returned to our side, after two long years since he had been gone, he gave Al and I no choice but to follow him back. I remember everything, such a hard choice. I had to leave Grandma Pinako, and Den. I had to leave everyone I knew, and become good friends with during the last six years, since Ed and Al starting searching for the stone. I had to leave my house in Risembool; My parent's graves. There wasn't even time to take a quick trip back hope to collect the few things I had. I couldn't take any pictures, clothes, money anything. I couldn't even say good-bye.

I remember Al, and I as we watched Ed cut the huge ship in half, expecting us to drift slowly to the bottom of the ground safely and never see him again as he would return to the other side of the gate to destroy the portal on that side. Al spoke quickly, he asked me if I was willing to give up my home, my family, Risembool, my friends and possessions to be with Ed. I acted quickly only thinking about it for a quick second. I slowly nodded to him. He looked deep into my eyes and I could see just as much as I didn't want to leave, he didn't either. We were both terrified of that other world. It seemed to dark and different. No alchemy, a world so far back in time compared to ours. But we wanted to be with Ed more. Our best friend, his brother, my neighbor. But really, what was there to lose? He needed us, and we needed him. So with out a further of noticed Al explained what he was about to do to Roy Mustang, and surprisingly he agreed we should do what we thought was right. He would destroy the portal on this side.

And with in seconds, Al and I had secretly jumped to the ship Edward stood on, hiding inside a huge suit of armor. Just waiting until we reached the unknown. We knew Ed couldn't know we were there until there was no turning back. He wouldn't want us to come, even though if deep in his heart he did.

And that's how we did it, that's how we crossed the gate. It wasn't too long before Ed had discovered our existence, and he wasn't mad. At fist surprised, and a bit worried, but overall he was glad.

It was a risk we had to take, and even though I had come to hate this world, I never have and never will regret from coming here. It was what had to be done.

xxx


	24. Would You Like to Talk?

_Author's Note: I deleted chapter three, I just thought it was too much of a random event. I am really going to try and give this fic my all, I plan on re-writing most of my chapters to make them the best they can be. And by the way, sorry for the small hiatus, but things are going to get a little slow since school is about to start. Plus, I was at a bit of a writers block, but everything is looking up now. Enjoy :) Ooh, and I might have to look over this again, sorry for any mistakes!_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing, Hiromu Arakawa does.**_

**Would You Like to Talk?**

It was the middle of the third night living in the motel, the last night available to us. I could hear constant moving on the floor, Ed was tossing and turning ever since the three of us shut the lights off. Us ally, he was the first to pass out, I could always tell by his unique heavy breathing. However tonight it had been nearly a hour, and he still wasn't asleep. Not to mention, I wasn't either.

So that was it, something was wrong. Something had to be on his mind and he couldn't get it out. I was shaking, terrified to do what was on my mind. But it was only Edward, my friend. And he obviously needed something. Plus, something was on _my_mind, too. It had been almost two weeks since that night. The night he told me why he was so upset, about Al and I stranded on this side. He could tell we hated it here, and was blaming the entire situation on himself. Well, even if it really was his fault, it was Al and my self's choice to come. Our burden to bear. And that night we shared more then our feelings of guilt, too.

So I held my breath, sucking it all in at once. I pulled my body in a sitting position of the bed, and slipped my feet so they were touching the rest of my legs. I turned causing the bed to squeak as I placed one foot on the cold floor below me. Then the other one. Carefully I stepped around the bed and over Al's sleeping body to where Ed was lieing. Quickly I sat next to him, his back facing me as I spoke his name. Immediately and surprised, his head spun around towards mine as he slightly gasped. I ignored my feelings, and continued to speak while I had his attention.

"Your not asleep, what's up?" He was quick to reply.

"Well, your not either Winry. Go back to bed..." He grumbled turning his head away from me. I wasn't moving, we had to sort a few things out first. So I let out a long, sad breath, gathered up the few words I had prepared for my speech, and decided to tell him what was on my mind.

"Edward, I'm really sorry about our home burning down, and for this to be your second time witnessing that. Look, yeah it is partially your fault we're here, on this side of the gate, but it's mine, too! Remember you and Al have told me, about that night. The night you... The night you used human alchemy to try and bring your mother back to life? I don't know too much about alchemy, but if I knew I had that power, I would want to try. I could never say that I understand what you two went through, but my parents are both dead too." It was hard for me to be so blunt like this, and for no to say everything out of no where, but he needed to hear this. "And, and if I could, yes I would of tried too as well. An' you said you blame yourself for everything that happened, right? You said you were the one with the idea too, an' you pushed Al into trying as well. And you said it was your fault you lost your limbs, and Al lost his body. But you hardly blamed Al for anything, you just carried the entire sin on yourself. Yes, you have admitted you've done it together, but still you have always told me you had to do this. Fix the mistake you've made. Listen, it's... It's not your fault Ed. And I'm not saying to go around and blame everyone else for what has happened, but this time it really isn't your fault, for bringing us to this world. Your tearing yourself apart just thinking about it. I won't lie to you, you could tell both me and Al aren't as happy here as we were in Risembool, but it was our choice to come after you. Because... Because, life's a little bit better with you around... Even in Germany... Things just go smoother and, just better with you, Edward. Do you know that? We choose to be with you, because. Because we missed you more then our home... And I think that... I think that as long we are together, we'll get through this. We have memories, and... We have to get passed the part that they are extremely painful and enjoy them before our depression we have discovered takes over our lives. And, and our memories." I was on the urge of tears. "An', aren't we enough? Am I enough to make you happy, too? We could do this together even if this isn't what the three of us wanted, but we are alive. And we need to be content while we can. Because we miss your smile, and your laugh. Now, it's gone and we miss that side of you. We miss you Ed, I... I miss you, too."

xxx

_Author's Note: This convo. will continue next chap!_


	25. A Lot Could Happen, Pain and Love

_Previously: __I was on the urge of tears. "An', aren't we enough? Am I enough to make you happy, too? We could do this together even if this isn't what the three of us wanted, but we are alive. And we need to be content while we can. Because we miss your smile, and your laugh. Now, it's gone and we miss that side of you. We miss you Ed, I... I miss you, too."_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing, Hiromu Arakawa does._**

**A Lot Could Happen, Pain and Love**

I looked down as my hands wrapped around my legs. I was ashamed of what I had said, it was none of my business to get into his. I had no idea of what kind of burden he had. But I had told myself I wanted to say what was on my mind, and that was exactly it. I bit my lip and waited for a response, possibly a lecture and a scolding for acting so rude. I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly feelings a tear drop touch my cheek. I was crying, again; When Ed should be the one crying, not me. I got a loud sigh from him after a long silence as he turned on his back, eyes slightly open looking at the ceiling above us.

"Ahh, Winry. But it has nothing to do with you, or Al really. It was my fault for... For letting them open the portal to our world. I knew what they were about to do, and I let them. Those crazy people thinking they knew everything about our world, jus' because they knew my bastard of a father. Ha, Shamballa they called it... I'm at a loss of words for you. No, but seriously now; Equivalent Exchange, it's the way of the alchemist. You've heard of it, right? I still believe it's the way of life no matter how many people tell me other wise. Even my own brother has turned against it, he said he still thinks of it as a 'promise'. But it's real Win, and jus' like you said, you sacrificed your home, Risembool, everyone so we could be... So the three of us could stay together..."

He didn't like the way it had sounded, and neither did I, an' I was ready to punch him for that. I was truly holding back. He seriously thought the reason I came this far, left everything was so that we could just to stay together? Yeah, I think I actually did believe in Equivalent Exchange, but no. No! No way, I came for a different reason. Because the three of us were so much more then neighbors, more then best friends who knew everything there was to know about each other. We were there for each other through the good and bad times, we had both seen our share or sacrifice and death, happiness and health, pain and love. And I knew Al came through that gate for a reason, because he loved his brother, he missed him and worried about him. And the reason he asked me to join him was because he knew I did too. So that's why we came. Not just to so we could stay together, the two of them broke our trio a long time ago when they first left their home to get their bodies back to the way they should be years ago. I was over being physically separated from them, even though it hurt. But the real reason I crossed the gate was because...

"Ed, you really don't understand... Your such a jerk... I came here, to this horrible, fucking place for the same reason as Al." I sniffed wiping my tears holding back a sob as I felt a sharp pain in my throat from keeping myself from crying. "I came because I miss you, and I have always worried about you. Because I wanted us to be together again, but the real reason I came is because I really like you Ed, you mean so much more then just a friend to me. I thought you knew that! And I have been thinking about it for a while now, and that is if I really am in love with you or not. I haven't been able to get the thought off my mind for the last few weeks. And it's true, _I really do love you, you bastard_!"

Before I even knew what was happening, my hand appeared next to his cheek, and bam! I smacked him hard. Really hard.

xxx

_Author's Note: Yay! Chapter 25, we are 1/4 done of 100 chapters! Let's celebrate! ANYWAY this continues next chap._


	26. Never

_Previously: "...Because I wanted us to be together again, but the real reason I came is because I really like you Ed, you mean so much more then just a friend to me. I thought you knew that! And I have been thinking about it for a while now, and that is if I really am in love with you or not. I haven't been able to get the thought off my mind for the last few weeks. And it's true, I really do love you, you bastard!" Before I even knew what was happening, my hand appeared next to his cheek, and bam! I smacked him hard. Really hard._

_**Disclaimer: Arakawa owns it all. I'm just borrowing her amazing characters.**_

**Never**

His eyes, wide open, shock running through out his face. A small red mark began to form on his left side, it grew fast, still as silence crept over the room, only Al's soft breathing was audible now as he continued to sleep soundly only a few feet away. I looked away from those golden eyes, I didn't want anything to do with him now, though hadn't regretted that I had finally told him my feelings. But was I really in love with Ed? There was no way he would be too. I had no hope of that anymore, he just thought of me as his good friend, he just thought _I_wanted to stay with him along with Al, just like the old times in Risembool when the three of us were six. I had already accepted that if we couldn't be together, then we could just be something a little less. More then friends, but less then lovers. The three of us, against the world together.

And suddenly, I couldn't hold it back anymore. I sobbed, as I brought my hands up to my face, covering my tear stained cheeks. I heard him sit up, then touch the spot I smacked him with his flesh hand.

"I'm sorry... Winry..." He whispered choking on each word. That was the best he could do? Apologize?! I guess I was giving him a hard time though, what else was there to say anyway? We sat alone together quietly; Not speaking a word, afraid of each others consequences. I wasn't sure what was supossed to happen next, neither did he. Ed just starred at his hands folded gently on his lap. My eyes drew like a magnet to his metal hand.

"Ed, does your arm still bother you? Like it had been a few weeks ago?" I had suddenly gotten the strength to talk, sucking in my tears. It wasn't the most important question at the time, not to mention very random, but it was what came to mind. And a way to get off the fucking subject of _love_. Before answering me, he lifted his right hand, then bended each finger.

"It's fine, Win." I could tell in his voice he didn't want to change the subject right now; Maybe I really had gotten through to him. But he never looked up, and I could tell by what I had just said was really affecting him. He seemed to really be thinking about what I told him. Did he really not know I liked him, was this so much of a surprise he couldn't speak?

"Edward?" Was he that ashamed of what I had just said he couldn't even look at me? It was as if our friend ship had ended right there, if only I hadn't let the word _love_slip and then smack him across the face, everything would be fine right now. I sniffed as I stood up wiping another tear from my eyes. With out warning I felt his cold, right, hand grasp my wrist just before I was about to walk away and crawl back in my bed. He pulled me down as I fell to my knees, eye to eye. Emptiness. That's what I saw in his; Loneliness. Guilt, death, anger, sorrow, sadness. But then again, I could see a whole other side of him buried in his heart. A person's eyes are their own window's to their soul. That applies to everyone's eyes. And if I looked deep enough, laughter, happiness, life, sexual desire, love. That was what waited on the other side of his soul.

And so, I felt him slowly pull me closer, still a tight grip around my wrist. Closer, and closer until I could feel his breath on my own. So close until I felt his soft, pink lips touch mine. Closer. It started out as a simple peck, nothing more, and we both pulled away from each other quickly. But I understood; We both _liked_ it. We have felt this feeling before, it wasn't the first time we had kissed. However something about this moment was _much_ different.

Suddenly, our lips met again, this time longer. I pressed harder as I felt his metal hand release my wrist, slowly sliding up my arm, down to my waist. The left one joined the right as he once again pulled me closer, into his warm body. My lips parted, as he licked my own. His tongue entered my body, like it always had. But this time, we wouldn't stop. No, we _couldn't_stop. I grabbed his hair, intertwining my thin fingers through out his golden locks. His hand ran up my back pressing my breasts into his hard chest, as our tongues began to dance for the third time that month. They danced in circles, as I formed a heart. My eyes closed as I touched his cheek, where I had slapped him. I tried to breathe a 'sorry' into our kiss, however it quickly became an incoherent slur. Yet, he seemed to know what I wanted to say by nodding his head and rubbing my back. I had never imagined this was what a real kiss felt like; So romantic and enjoyable. The word _stop_never came to mind; In fact, I wasn't sure how we would ever end the kiss. I felt my breathing pick up as he grabbed my butt and I touched the deep scars indented on his soft skin. I took in his smell, as I tried to catch my breath with out pulling away.

But there was no pulling away, everything was perfect. There was no need for that. The last thing I remember was falling onto his sheets he had layed out on the floor to sleep, my hair tangled between his fingers, and a few words put together Ed had spoken into our kiss that I could _never_ forget.

He whispered, "I think I love _you_, too."

xxx


	27. The Death Dream

_**Disclaimer: Have I mentioned I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way?**_

**The Death Dream**

I've mentioned dreams before, yes I usually don't have them. However, now that I think about it, there is one dream I remember. You would think certain dreams would fade away after years and years of your life. Because you experience new things and discover new things to dream about. Everyone has had a nightmare in there life time; Most likely many. When my parents were still alive. I remember there was this one dream I would continue to have. It was a horrible dream, although I have tried to explain to numerous people before and they have only swept it away stating, 'It was no big deal'. But it was, I remember it perfectly because I still experience it up to this day.

It starts out when with me when I was a very small girl, standing on in front of my house with my mother and father. And it always takes place with me at a young age since that's when I started having the dream. It's a beautiful summer day, not a cloud in the sky. My mother is gardening right in front of the house, her back facing me, but I know she is smiling. My father is reading only a few feet away in a lawn chair as I was playing with a new doll my mom had made. It was then I hear something, something sounding very low and deep. Now as I listen more carefully, I realize it's a car. But a very old one. However, the weird part is no one I knew in Risembool owned a car. No one. It must of been a stranger from far out in town, someone who had too much money for a public train, and had found the only secret road that lead into the town. I stop immediately and stand up in the grass walking slowly, closer to the noise I still couldn't see. Then I see it, far far in the distance I see a long, grey car. It could of been over 100 years if they made cars that far back. The wheels we extremely close to the ground, and I now realize part of the noise I had heard before wasn't just the old motor, but also the end of the car scraping on the bottom of the dirt road. I look for a driver, but see no one in the driver's seat. Just a dark grey block. Who the hell was this mysterious driver? The scene scared me, as I turned around running to my parents. But they were suddenly gone. Both my mother and father had disappeared, no where to be found. As I heard the car come closer and closer, I realized there was no way to make it to the door of my home in time, it was just too far away. So I ran, as fast as I could away from the road and my home. That was toward Ed and Al's house. I ran, past the huge oak tree, over the small grassy hill, closer and closer to the river that lead into the woods. But it seemed I wasn't getting any closer, and the car was getting gaining speed. Closer and closer to me. And I knew if I didn't do something soon, the car would catch up, I hadn't even realized at the time that it was chasing me. So I had to hide, I hid behind a huge tree, breathing heavily pressing my young back against it. I held my breath as the car came near to me. But it passed, it drove slowly right past the tree not even noticing I was there. I let out a sigh of relief. Why was it following me? Why me? I collapsed down on the ground still behind the tree when suddenly, the car appeared. Right in front of me, and it was off the road, on the grass. Yet I still couldn't see the driver even when the car was only a few feet away. And it always happened, I would wake right as the car door opened, and the person was about to reveal it's face.

Last night, as I fell asleep on Edward's arm, I had that dream for the first time in this world. We had been exhausted from our long kiss and both passed out of the floor. And after the person opened the door, and I awoke, I had almost gave myself a heart attack. My eyes shot open and I jumped up, sitting, looking straight into the darkness of our room. I tried to catch my breath, as looked around, touching my face as I realized I had come back to reality. I looked at Al; Still asleep in the last position I had seen him before Ed and I kissed. Then I looked at Ed; It was weird I was the one having the nightmare and not him. I was the one tossing, turning and sweating when he was comfortably asleep. He was on his back, with his flesh arm out; I had used it for a pillow. His right leg was bent, and his left one was straight out. His hair was messily fanned out around his face as I watched his stomach move up and down slowly. I listened to his breathing. He wasn't snoring, but it wasn't considered 'breathing heavy' either. I liked it, it was soothing and helped me relax back onto his arm, close to his warm body.

He had said he loved me. Just that statement alone made me feel better. It made me feel so happy, things were finally picking up. But the thing that really worried me was this; I'm not superstitious, but I believe in omens. Every time after I had that dream, something having to do with 'death' ocured. Not something like an old lady passing away in a few towns over, but a disaster. Two weeks after I had the dream for the very first time, my parents passed away. The second, Ed and Al's mom died, the third, Brigadier General Maes Hughes was murdered, and the fourth, Ed was killed by Envy.

xxx

_Auther's Note: Winry's dream is based off of a nightmare I used to have, however no one was killed after I drempt it... Thank goodness!_


	28. When Fever Strikes

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in anyway.**_

**When Fever Strikes**

Edward woke me up at eight in the morning. I was surprised he had gotten up before I had. His sweaty hand relaxed on my arm as my eyes slowly opened, back to reality. The sun was shinning brightly through the window, forcing me to squint.

"Winry, is it hot in here or what? Do you think you could get me some water or something?" There was something about his voice that seemed different. It was raspy, and soft, and that wasn't like him. Then I focused in on his face. He was... He was sweating. Sweat was running down his forehead fast, pouring out of every pour in his body. His eyes weren't golden and bright like they usually where, but instead an extremely pale yellow. Not to mention, it wasn't_ that _hot in the room, actually.

"No it's not hot in here, I think it's comfortable... Why can't you get your own water?" I yawned rubbing my eyes as I sat up. He let out a deep breath wiping his forehead with his hand.

"I don't know. Can't you just get it?" He lied. So he was keeping something a secret, but it wasn't that easy to hide. I could tell right away something was wrong. So since he wasn't telling me the reason he couldn't get his_ own _water, why not argue?

"Well yeah Ed, I could get it, but you have to tell me first why you think it's right to wake me up so I can get it for you when you have the power to do it yourself." He looked at me strangely.

"Geeze Win, fine I'll get it." He tried to get up, but I could see it was taking a lot of energy to do so. He struggled to get on to his feet, and once he stood up, I swear he almost fell back down. It took him a second to stand up straight as he began to walk toward the sink. Then I saw it, he was seriously about to fall. What the hell was wrong with him?! I jumped up, grabbing his arm, just as he regained his balance again.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you alright?" I asked guiding him back to the floor. He collapsed back onto the sheets on his back lookings straight up at the ceilling as he let out a deep breath.

"You seriously don't think it's fucking hot in here?" I shook my head no, then sighed in defeat as I walked to the sink to grab him a glass of water.

"Are you feeling ok, because your sweating like a dog Ed, plus why are you awake this early? It is early for you, you know." I stated handing him the glass. I didn't like where this was going, to the looks of it, he was on the urge of a horrible fever.

"Nah, I'm fine. I just think it's hot in here, that's all." But that's what he would aways say when he wasn't feelings good. Even if he had been puking all day long, he would still say he felt fine. So with out warning I reaching my hand up to his forehead, slightly catching him off guard. He gasped as I touched his burning skin.

"Damn it Ed, you have a fever. Where the hell did this come from, we have absolutly no money for medison, or-"

"Would you relax? I'm fine, I _feel_ fine..."

"No you don't, you look horrible."

"Well thanks, Win." He grunted. "Do you think it's because of the mail?"

"I could check but I doubt it. I guess you should try and get some rest while you can. If it really is the beginning of a fever, it's only going to get worse. You know that we can't afford a hospital room or-" A hospital? Where was I going, and hospital means death. Oh god, my dream! No, shit. My dream shouldn't have anything to do with this. Now I was thinking too hard, Ed would be fine, it's a simple fever that's all.

"Alright, but stop freaking worrying, I'm fine! Just try not to wake Al..." I nodded as he crawled under the sheets and shivered squeezing his eyes shut.

"Edward?" He opened his eyes slowly and nodded. "Maybe you should go an' sleep in my bed-"

"No, just drop it Winry! I'm comfortable here!"

"Please Ed. Don't be so stuborn, your sick." The dream was really on my mind, I felt responsible for everything. This fever was the last thing we needed. I looked deep into his eyes as a hard pain suddenly pounded in my heart. "Just use my bed and sleep, _please_?" And even through those sad, sick eyes I got through to him. But he didn't respond, or nod or anything. Only slowly got to his feet, walked over his still sleeping brother to the bed, and collapsed onto the mattress, pulling the sheets up over his head. But at least he listened.

xxx

_Author's Note: Ok, not my best chapter but it was an important one. Things will start to pick up again soon _


	29. A Death Wish

**_Disclaimer: I do not own anything._**

A Death Wish  
  
Five days past since Ed became ill, and had Al booked one more month in the motel using all his money. There was nothing left. Mine was to be used on food. Ed was fired from him job after calling in for a 5th time as sick. Al made me quit because there was no one left to stay home to take care of Ed, and Alphonse became the only one who worked. He worked hard and long hours, from 6 in the morning, all the way past ten at night. He was exhausted when he got home, and went straight to bed with out dinner.

As the days went on, Edward seemed to get worse. His fever was incredibly high in the mornings, and he would sleep until nine while I made breakfast for myself. Once he awoke, it would take me ten good minutes for me to persuade him to eat a piece of toast. After that, he would nap the next three hours as I continuously changed the wet cloth that hung from his head. Sometimes when I would run out in the middle of the day, I offered to buy him anything he liked, yet he refused everything. He wouldn't eat any of the soup I made, or drink any liquids. I told him the more juices he drank, the faster he would heal, though he just pushed the thought away. I checked his auto mail dozens of times a day, looking for some possible way it could be affecting him, but I found nothing wrong with it. He would pass out again around seven, skipping dinner and I wouldn't see those pale eyes of his again until the next day. I would fall asleep sitting up on the side of his bed, waiting for Al to wake me once he got home.

The days where long and hot as we began to enter the month of September. I didn't speak much through out the day, I had no energy to argue with Ed for him to eat his dinner and neither did he. Being stuck in the sick apartment caused me to feel depressed and worried. And the thoughts of my dream became clearer and clearer each day. It was an omen, and I knew it. But Ed would be fine, I knew he would. He was too strong to let anything happen, there was no possible way he would let himself die.

Plus here was one thing that gave me hope he would pull through. He had said he loved me, and I loved him. I heard it with my own ears, as we kissed under the moon light. He loved me. That's what he told me, but we hadn't spoken of that night since the fever.

It was on the sixth day of Ed's illness when he told me something horrible. It was late, he was tired and thankfully not as grumpy as usual. I was getting him a glass of water when I heard him laugh. Not really, 'laugh' but a slight giggle. I sighed, thinking he must be delusional. Either that or dreaming. As I began to walk over to his bed, he said something else in a rasp whisper. Then he said it again forcing me to stop dead in my tracks.

"See you soon, Mother..." He whispered again into the thick air surrounding him. He wasn't dreaming, we was wide awake.

"Ed, what the hell are you saying?" I asked horrified. His eyes drifted over to mine with out moving his head, He wasn't afraid to tell me, and I wished he was. His voice was so calm, every word he spoke sounded as if a little bit of energy washed away. As if he was a little more out of it each time.

"Winry your not going to believe this, right now I was talking to my mother. She was with me, and I am going to see her soon." No, he couldn't mean that. Was he serious? I let him continue. "In my life time, I have done everything I wanted to do for my brother. I fixed my mistakes, Win. Everything I have been able to do is complete. Did you know that when a person dies on this side of the gate, they become energy used for alchemist's in our world. And I was thinking, once you die on that side after your used as that energy, you must go to the heaven everyone on our side does. That's how I am going to see my mother again-"

"Don't talk like that Ed! Your going to be fine, your not going anywhere, we will figure out a way-"

"And then I can be happy. You and Al should follow me to our side again, too." He laughed. "It's kind of fun to think about it, I wonder what that person will be trying to create using alchemy when they use the energy I make. Maybe I'll be used in war to kill the enemy, or maybe I'll be used to save a life instead. Wow I can't believe I am talking about murder." He laughed again. "Or maybe I'll be used with human alchemy..."

I was horrified, he sounded crazy. Nothing like the Edward I had used to know. Ed was sitting here waiting to die. This was a living hell for him, all the depression he had been suffering had added up to a fever. And who knew if it was ever possible for him to recover with out will power. But what about me, and Al? What about his brother, Al? What about me?! Wasn't I enough to live for? Was everything he had told me a lie?

I wanted to cry, break down and crawl into a hole, but I wouldn't let myself. I had to be strong for him and hide my feelings; Just this once.

"Edward, everything is going to work out. Don't say things like that, especially if you know they aren't true. Right now you are alive. Your still alive... You still have so much to live for, Ed!" He closed his eyes, ignoring me. My words didn't mean anything, so why should I try? He didn't know it, but he was tearing me apart. Every word he said, killed me just a little bit. I loved him!

I thought I loved him, and I thought... I thought he loved me, too. But it was true. It wasn't long before I secretly realized that Ed's fever was very possible to be fatal.

xxx

_Author's Note: Ed means every word he said about dieing, however the fever is causing him to be a bit delusional. That's why he's acting kind of strange and out of character..._


	30. To Be Strong

_**Disclaimer: Arakawa-sama owns Fullmetal Alchemist, not I!**_

**To Be Strong**

Ed basically told me he wanted to die, and he tore me apart by those words. I really started to believe he was going to, too; Leaving me and Al in this world alone. He was giving up on us, on his life! But now he was more then just any childhood friend, now I loved him. I had stopped trying to hide my feelings and shared them with him, just one person who I trusted and had already forgiven for giving me a new home on this side of the gate. Something I had not wished for. The word death began to hurt. As if it was a person, a monster who hated me. It would dive into my body through my mouth, and rap around my heart tightly. It was hard to breathe, as gose bumps appeared on my cold skin.

But if Ed were to die, the entire reason Alphonse and I decided to cross the gate would be gone in a flash. If Ed gave up everything he lived for, then what would I have left? What would I have left to live for? I couldn't tell Al what had had told me, I didn't want Alphonse to fall apart like I had. But it was hard to keep such a horrible truth a secret. It affected my daily actions, my mood, my voice, the way I slept. I could hardly sleep at night, as I listened to Ed's heavy breathing, wishing and hoping it wouldn't stop. I felt as though every time I closed my eyes his heart would secretly stop, just as I let my guard down. I wouldn't pass out for hours until I finally was too tired to keep my eyes open in the darkness. I began to wake even sooner then Al, only to jump up to Ed's bed and feel his heart. But it was always still beating, a strong, sturdy beat.

But still, I wouldn't trust it.

Ed wasn't the kind of person to suddenly get deathly ill, and never come out of it. As long as I knew him, he would always be willing to fight back against anything. He has always thought he could be the strongest, he could do anything if he really wanted to. But he wasn't trying at all this time. This was different, Ed was simply done. And that's what scared me the most.

Another horrible week past, Ed still as sick as ever. Al began to give me strange looks as I never seemed to speak anymore, as dark bags began to form under my eyes. And so it was late that Wednesday night as Al decided to cook dinner for the three of us. I sat on the floor that had used to be Ed's bed silently reading to my self. But I couldn't understand each word I had read, they weren't making sense. I had too much on my mind, and reading wasn't going to get me off the topic of death. Suddenly the next word printed on the page disappeared; My tear drop had fallen straight onto the paper, instantly smugging it. I couldn't make out what it had said, and it tore me apart. I exploded in tears, sobbing loudly as the book fell off my lap onto the floor. I wish I could be strong.

I felt Al's warm eyes rest on me, I knew he was looking at me as I fell apart. I couldn't help it, the room smelled like sickness and fever, it was dark and silent, only the steam from the cooking pot was audible now. My long hair had fallen out of the bun I had placed it in a few hours ago, and was hung over my shoulders; Some pieces sticking to my wet face. The black sweats I had been wearing were stuck to my legs from the moist air. Al's light foot steps crept over to me, as I turned away. There was nothing in this world that could heal the pain I felt. The only thing I regretted was that I had been making it worse for Alphonse by crying.

"Winry, what's wrong?" He sighed. He didn't touch me, he waited for me to speak. He was so strong for a 14 year old; How come he could be so strong when I could not? Even when I tried so hard, I would collapse. He knew I loved Ed, but I wasn't sure he knew we had confessed our felings to each other yet. He knew what the reason was for my tears, and he knew there was no way to help. And maybe that's why he got so mad.

I hadn't seen the anger begin to form in Al's eyes and I had no choice but to follow him after he grabbed my wrist hard, dragging me to Edward's bed. Ed was asleep, still in the same position I had left him last when I had placed a cold cloth on his forehead like I always had; But Al didn't care. He grabbed Ed's arm with his free one shaking him, as his grip around my wrist tightened. Ed awoke immediately, coughing a bit as he waited for the reason for Al's actions, yet still no expression at all. I couldn't look at Edward, so pale and sweetly. If I were to make contact with those yellow eyes, they would lock with mine, and I would have no choice but fall to my knees and sob. I took in a deep breath, waiting ten seconds before letting it back out, starring at my feet trying to hold back the sadness that was about to explode like an overfilled dam.

"Brother, your awake now, aren't you?" I couldn't remember the last time I had heard Al's voice so upset. But I couldn't help but think why, what I had told him to act like this? But it was _nothing_ to cry about, it was my time to be strong. "Are you back to your old, grumpy self? Because I'm only going to say this once; _What the hell as gotten into you?!" _He screamed at his brother forming a sturdy fist, and nailing Ed right in the face. I gasped in shock as Ed's eyes showed emotion; The first time they had in two weeks. I couldn't read his expression, I just watched, my hand covering me mouth.

"Do you know what the hell you did to her?! Or yourself, you do know the entire reason your lieing here in_ her _bed is because you gave up on yourself! You gave up on us, brother! Your kidding right, you told her that your ready to _die_?! She's tearing herself apart for you! We're broke now because you got fired from your job, and all you do is lie and around and sleep! What happened to you? What happened Ed...?" Al sighed, looking way from his brother as he relaxed his voice. I stood there horrified as Alphonse released my wrist. Why wouldn't you speak Ed? It was true now, his love was a lie.

I had no choice but to run, I turned away from everything, not looking back and ran out the door, through the hall way and jumped down the stairs. I ran so fast the tears pouring out of my eyes, dripped all the way back behind my ears. I reached the road, as the muggy, September air rushed through my skin. But I didn't look back, and I didn't know were I was going. But who would care anyway, my decision was final, and I wasn't turning around. But I wish I had. I wish I could have been strong.

xxx


	31. The Runaway

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Winry, nor FMA.**_

**The Runaway**

I've always hated the month of September. The month was split into two seasons, not one full one. One day the temperature was warm and muggy, when the other was crisp and breezy. When I was young, it meant fall was coming, and all the leaves on the trees would turn into different shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. Soon enough, they would all fall to the ground when a wind heavy enough would brush against the grass. My mother had told me they died, and would come back next year; New, bright, green leaves that would take the place of last years, and before you know it, they would die, too. But then, death was a beautiful thing. Even when I had come to say, 'I hated September', there was a good thing. The death of the leaves, covering the cold grass just before the snow would come was such a comforting and happy thought.

But this year was different, as the breezy air swept over my shivering body. As I ran through the streets of this new, strange world, it was nothing like Risembool. Already being the month of the September, right smack in the middle of it, the leaves hadn't changed colors yet. Every single leaf on the small trees implanted in the concrete side walk were green, just like summer. But it wasn't summer anymore, and it wasn't beautiful. The leaves weren't dieing.

Death had played a cruel trick on me the last few months, and I hated it. I wanted the feeling of death to go away, leave me alone. I wasn't sure where I was going, who I was running from, and if I had made the right desicion or not. I didn't want to think of it about 'running away from home', but instead taking break. I didn't want to see my friend die, I couldn't. Maybe in a month or two I would find Alphonse as a new person, and maybe, just maybe we could continue to live on. After the fall, winter and spring had past. When I was an entire year older, maybe. But I wasn't even sure if I could ever return home. Maybe this break would be forever.

Each step I took was farther away from the motel. It was dark, but the street lights were bright, showing perfect circles on the side walk. I watched my feet as the appeared in the light, then disappear in the dark only to be lit up again after I ran in front of a street light once again. I wasn't wearing shoes, I had a pair of white socks that had already turned black on the bottom from the dirty street. I had managed to grab my brown, light coat. It had black buttons going right up through the middle, to my neck. It reached down to my knees. I hadn't even thought of buttoning it closed, there was simply no time. Or, I thought of it as no time. So I held it closed where it opened at my neck, yet the rest of the jacket flew open as I ran, exposing my hips down. It flew back behind me, the belt I hadn't strapped closed was on the urge of falling onto the sidewalk, and me leaving it behind not wanting to turn back.

I finally stopped running after 15 minutes, totally out of breath. I collapsed on a cold bench, as I touched my forehead, then pushed my over grown bangs out of my eyes. I sighed loudly, shivering, but I refused to think. What was done was done, I wasn't hurting anyone. Everything was ok. And I wouldn't think about the ones I had left anymore, from this point on.

So I stood up and continued to walk. A taxi slowly drove by in the direction I was headed, so I raised my hand to make it stop. I climbed in, and the driver asked where I was going. I told him straight, and he didn't question me. We drove at a slow pace as I watched the continuous street lights start to disappear. The road went by fast, as I tried to count the lines in the road. I suddenly became dizzy and stopped, only looking ahead in the direction the car climbed. We soon entered a huge town I had discovered, as the darkness became light. The lonely road lead into a bright city, with lights on in every building. The buildings stood high, and towered over the small taxi. I had never seen buildings as big as these, wondering how they were able to still stand up. There were many people in huge coats, much more at night then I could remember. Again, I shivered breathing warm air into my hands as I watched a young man walk by with his hands deep in his pockets, like a man I once knew used to do. It was so bitter for September, and it was nights like these that made me hate the month so much. The driver quietly asked if I knew where I was headed yet, and I told him in the center of town. He quickly replied by asking if I was running away. The question scared me as I shook my head no, then remembered he wasn't looking at my actions, but the road. So I answered him. I told him I was.

xxx


	32. The City of Lights

_Author's Note: Sorry for any mistakes, just with school and all, I haven't been able to get another chapter up, but I thought you guys would rather want another chapter even with a few mistakes!****_

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way.

**The City of Lights**

I paid the man once the car stopped, right in the center of this mysterious city. I had a small amount of money, and had to use the rest wisly. The man wished me good luck, and I thanked him. He told me to be safe, and think about what I was about to do before I did it. I said, 'Your a very kind man, thank you again. Can I have your name?' He smiled and nodded. His name was Lee, and I told him mine was Winry. I closed the door shut and waved good bye, watching the yellow taxi disappear into the darkness. My hands drifted into my pockets as I began walking; I wasn't even looking where I was going.

I had never seen a city as great as this one, there was never anything like this in my old world. I think any ordinary person who wouldn't have anything to compare it too would love the new city, but I wasn't so sure I did. I missed my world, this was different. It scared me, how come the other side of the gate never had anything like this? Why was this world so different, yet so alike? I pushed the thought away sighing as I kicked a rock on the side walk. Many people walked passed me, wither there enormous bags and coats, rubbing up against me. They didn't reply with an 'excuse me', or 'sorry' but instead continued to walk as if they had never touched me. I eventually caught on and I understood that wasn't what they were required to say. Was it rudeness, or was it always like that? It wasn't the same here, and I had to stop thinking I lived in Risembool. But it was so hard.

I could hear music playing loudly in the distance, along with the souls of everyone's shoes against the ground. I couldn't find the moon, buried in the sky, hidden by the lights. The doors to every building I passed were open, as if they were welcoming you in. But I didn't think of it that way. The city reminded me of money, greed and sex. There were many woman, thiner then myself, dancing around a waisted man, with a plastic smile imprinted on his face. It was as if this place was a party, or maybe a disaster just waiting to happen. Though as much as I wanted to leave, I was enjoying it. It was different; I was no excited that maybe something new was about to happen in my life. So I continued to walk down the hard, side walk; Gum stuck to the ground, and turned black. I was on my own.

I walked into a building, with gold walls, and a red patterned carpet. It was a hotel I couldn't aford, but I knew there would be a couch inside to sit. I walked right past the desk to sign in, where a huge line was drawn. I gently sat on the nearest couch as I began studying the line of people. It was so late, yet the city was so alive; Almost one in the morning. Risembool, or even the motel would be lights out at ten. I closed my eyes, folding my hands on my lap, tucking my feet under the couch so no one would notice my bear feet. I tried to ignore foot steps walking closer and closer to the couch. It was my imagaination, nothing. But then someone spoke my name, causing my eyes to snap open. I wanted it to be _him_, so bad. I would have done anything to open my eyes to that gorgous face. But instead, someone else I knew very well. An old friend, who I had hoped I would never see again; Because I hated him for hitting on me when he had already been married. Yes, it was Ben.

"Winry, is that really you?" He laughed, sitting on the couch next to me, as I forced my mouth closed from shock. He looked clean and taken car of, he had gotten hair cut, but his bangs still hung in his face, right in front of his eyes. "I can't believe I would find you out of all these people! How have you been, still woking at the shop?" His voice was comforting, and familiar, but I hated it. I hated it when I felt my cheeks turn red, as I sat up. It was my turn to speak. I _had_ to answer his question, there was no way out of this one.

"Oh my god, yeah. It's really me, heh." I forced a smile. "Well, things haven't been going too great at home, so I don't work there anymore. I had to quit, as well. Uh, it's good to see you." His eyes lit up when I said that. _That was a mistake_.

"Oh, well are you staying here?" I shook my head no. "It's a great hotel, but very expensive. Wait, so then where are you staying?"

"Well, I'm not sure..." _That was a bigger mistake_.

"If you like, there is an extra bed in my room, your welcome to stay there for the night if you want, no cost." He smiled a toothy grin, that was somewhat attractive. I shook my head no, no I couldn't do that, I... I hated this man, he wasn't a good person... Because he... Well he... What was it that was so bad about him again?

"I don't know if I could..." I whispered under my breath. Yet he simply laughed and grabbed my hand pulling me to the stairs, layed with golden carpetting. I didn't argue, I was tired and broke. This was the only choice I really had, wasn't it? I followed him up to his floor, then waited for him to unlock his door. Number 26, I had to remember that. We walked in, and I smiled. It was a very nice room, small but very nice. The carpet was new and soft, the wallpaper had light blue flowers with lines on the bottom and the top of the walls. There were two full size beds, with beautiful blankets and pillows.

He told me to relax on the second bed, as I took off my jacket exposing my tang top. I crawled under the covers and he turned out the lights. It was nice, very nice. He was a nice man. But something was wrong, horribly wrong.

I just couldn't figure it out, because I had told myself to stop thinking about it.

xxx

_Author's Note: I want to spoil this story so bad! But I won't do that, that just wouldn't be right. I will tell you this, things will eventually be ok._


	33. Possibility

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist...**_

**Possibility  
**  
My hair was pulled back into a tight bun, as I sat on the wooden chair starring at him. My hands folded, my elbows leaning on the table as I rested my chin onto my knuckles. I frowned, as Ben smiled, handing me an icy glass of water. I murmured a 'thanks', taking a sip as he turned, giving me his back. It had been four days living with him, coming up on the fifth night. I was in bad shape, mentally anyway. He would always crawl into his bed after I had already drifted off to sleep, and the thought had crossed my mind more then once. He was a different man, a man I had never fully understood, and it was that, that made him suspicious. He treated me as a guest, a queen simply staying at a fancy hotel. He served me, and almost answered any request. But apparently he had decided I was staying with him for a while. He had said he were leaving today to go to his apartment, about a half hour ride from here. He wouldn't tell me where though, he said I would find out soon enough. I was coming with him, and I had no choice.

The past few days were basically normal. During the day, he left for his new job in the city, keeping me in the locked hotel room, as I sat, dreamily by the side of the window, looking at the poor souls, lost in their own world, dancing in the streets. I really didn't have much to think about anymore. I was sure Ed was going to die, if he hadn't already; I felt for Al, but I knew he would be strong. But I would always push that thought away, and instead think about what I should do with my life now. Would I start to live with Ben? Would we fall in love? Did I want to? Not really. But, then again, did I feel safe with this man to start with?

Ben was a nice guy, not to mention he was handsome. He had nice eyes, and a nice body. He was tall, way taller then me, with tan skin. He liked to smile, and would always flirt. He liked to be close to me, he offered to get me a glass of water before I went to sleep each night. He asked me why I was in this city, and I told him I was looking for a new job. I really never did tell him the real reason I left the Elric Brothers, but I had decided I didn't want to. He asked why I didn't have a place to stay, I said there was no money in our house. He asked why I left them, I told him it wasn't his business. But he wanted to know, and I refused to let him into my life. I didn't want him to know about Ed's illness, why should he need to know anyway? If he did, things would be different between Ben and I, and I knew that just as much as he did.

The ride to his town was silent, he made me sit in the front next to him, but I payed attention to the window. He must of known I was hurting somewhere inside, and that's why he asked it. He sighed, and pulled over, on the side of the road, turning towards me as I looked at his face. He spoke with an attractive, raspy tone in his voice.

"What's bothering you Winry? You know, if your going to stay with me, you might as well tell me what the hell it is your thinking about." He said, romantically. I decided to be blunt with him.

"Where are we going? I don't know where you live." I looked at my lap, as my hands folded hard, against my thick pants.

"It's a town just south of Germany, it's nice. You'll like it." I'll like _what_ exactly? And the worst possible thought did happen to cross my mind, he could be taking me to some horrible city to rape me or something for all I knew. I felt as though I had completely failed myself, why did I crawl into his car, and let him drive me as far as we had? But the real scary thing was, why every time I looked straight into his eyes, I felt as though he had captured me. I was paralyzed, and my hormones told me to listen to him.

Yet still, I didn't completely trust him, and so I didn't continue to ask exactly where the hell we were headed. I just sat silently as he pulled off the side of the road, back into the busy street, once he realized I wasn't going to speak anymore.

We arrived at his apartment after an hour, longer then he said it would take to get there. So he had lied to me about that, what did that mean? But I didn't run, I didn't want to. That would only make things worse correct. I told myself to calm down, nothing was going to happen. The building seemed nice, just like he said. It was a brick building, very tall. Not to mention his room was huge! Three rooms, with king size beds in each one. The carpet was soft and new, giving the room a clean smell. He had a big kitchen with a black leather couch sitting in the center of the room. Blankets were folded on the arm on the couch, welcoming anyone to curl up into a ball and fall asleep. I told him I liked it, he said he was glad. I asked him if he had a phone, he said yes but I couldn't use it for anything that wasn't important. I asked why, she said it was simply because he couldn't afford long distance calls. That was the second lie that slipped through his lips. He had the money, I was sure of it. He had an amazing job, and stayed in the fanciest hotel for it as well. He was so mysterious; I thought I knew this man from work; Ben the only boy I would talk to, but now. Now things were different, because I was living with him.

"I'm tired from driving, how about you? How about we stop by this place only a few blocks from here for a drink?" I walked to the kitchen, dropping my bag down on the chair. It was late, later then I thought. So he asked me, and I was stupid enough to say yes. Only because he continued to ask, and because I was upset about everything I had done; Alot was on my mind after all. So I said yes, as I dug through my bag for my coat, slipped it over my shoulders and ran to his side next to the door. Maybe we were meant to fall in love, so maybe I should push the bad thoughts away and actually try to. It was just a drink, I would order one drink to get my mind off everything.

Maybe Edward and I were never meant to be, even when the reason I had first met Ben was for his sake.

xxx


	34. Clasped So Tight

_**Disclaimer: I only own Ben, and the old blonde guy at the bar...**_

**Clasped So Tight  
**  
Good karma was brought into this world to help people; Do something good for someone, or something, and it will come back to you. Because you gave something, you will get something just as good. Bad karma is the exact opposite; As soon as you act in a way that you know you shouldn't, the same will happen. Now that I think of it, good karma and bad karma remind me of equivalent exchange. Not all people believe in karma, as you would say the same for equal exchange. I do, because Ed taught me the way of the alchemist; And I can relate it to karma. I wish I didn't, because then I would know that what was about to happen to me was in exchange for leaving Ed and Al.

Ben dragged me out of his car, his arm rapped tightly over my shoulder, and around my neck. It was late, the street lights where barley showing any signs of light. This new place was nothing like Ben's apartment, or the city of lights in that matter. Instead it was old and scummy; The bar was located on a lonely dead end, an abandoned street. A few old buildings stood tall over us, with broken windows, and garbage pales knocked to the sidewalk. Rats hid in the sewers beneath us, and you could hear they scurrying under the leaves. People screamed and laughed from a far away building, where we were headed.

We walked through the doors slowly, to a loud crowd of people. It was extremely crowded, every seat at the bar was taken. Ben's arm slid down my arm, to my hand as he pulled me to the front of a table, close to the bar tender. Ben smiled and talked to the man behind the counter, as the two laughed loudly. A man with his girl friend waved to Ben from across the bar, then at me. I waved back with a smile, as they looked at me strangely. After a few minutes, a drunk couple wobbled out, as Ben and I quickly sat, stealing their seats. Ben ordered a drink. I couldn't understand what he said, or what it was called; But I know he ordered two. When the bar tender returned with our drinks, I decided to speak.

"Hey, I don't really want anything. You didn't ask me-"

"Relax babe, it's on me." He smirked, tilting his head backward, swallowing the liquid, as I totally decided to ignore that, _'babe' _comment. I was under aged, not to mention, I had no idea what it was in front of me! The man I thought I trusted continued to talk to the man behind the counter, as I folded my hands shyly, starring at the drink. I smelled it. The smell of alcohol filled my body as I began to require a taste for it. I lifted my hands taking a small sip, as a man on the other side of me with short, blonde hair turned toward me.

"Hey there, hon. What's your name?" He slurred, breathing out air that matched he smell of the room. Ben heard the man speak to me, rapping his arm back around my waist, yet still commenting to his friend in front of him. The short blonde man watched Ben's sturdy arm relax around my hip, before he spoke up. "You seem pretty, _damn_ lonely, ya' know that?" I blushed turning away, and grabbing my drink for a second sip. He had a deep voice, something I had never heard of before. Different then anything...

"Do you know what this is?" I asked in a high pitched voice, yet still quiet enough so Ben wouldn't know what I had said. I picked up the glass, and took another sip. The blonde man bent over to view the glass, pleased I had finally returned his comment. He looked confused, even more then he already did.

"Nah, never 'saw that before Miss." He let out a deep chuckle and burped. I picked up the glass, and took another sip. It was then I noticed Ben had already finished his glass, and was on his second; Not to mention, there was another young, girl on the other side of him, talking up some sort of conversation. Somehow, that seemed to upset me, so I looked away. I picked up the glass, and took another sip. If I continued to live with Ben, was this what it was going to be like for now on? I wonder if everyone who dies on this side of the gate as well as the other, go to the same heaven. Maybe that meant I would see everyone one day. Maybe, or maybe it was karma. Maybe if I put enough effort into this world, I would have an amazing life when I crossed the other side.

I picked up the glass, and took another sip.

xxx

_Author's Note: Ok, so I know you all want an update on Ed, right? I promise, you will find out everything soon! I just don't want to rush anything, and make it sound crappy. Plus, things are about to get 'interesting' between Ben and Winry... One last thing, I'm sorry that the chapters have been coming slower. School is rough. _


	35. Your My Last Coin

_Author's Note: Sorry, I didn't completely read over everything. 'Scuse the mistakes! But anyway, thought you might like two new chapters since I havn't been the greatest on updating. So enjoy!!_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in anyway. All characters belong to their rightful owner- Except Ben, he belongs to me.**_

**Your My Last Coin**

I woke up to the color black; Not the color of a black bear, or the night sky, but instead the color you would find 10 feet underground. It was cold, and I had been laying on my back in the passengers seat. No one was in the car with me, and I had never seen this vehicle before. I had an enormous headache, as I winced once my hand touched my forehead. It was then I realized the bottom part of my body, my hips down was naked. I screamed at the sight, as my cold hand flew to the car door. I tried with everything I had left in me to open it, but it's wouldn't budge. It was locked, and it was impossible to find the lock in a mysterious car, the color of black. I fell to the back of the car, scraping my knee on a plastic piece of the seat, sticking straight up. It was then I found a small blanket I tied around my waist.

I was in pain, I was soar everywhere. I knew what he had done, what he had committed. Ben had drugged me, and I know understood why the drink I had drank at the bar was so different then I had ever thought of something like that to be. After I had lost it, he dragged me to another car, a different one then his own, and drove me someplace far, farther then the town we had already been. I must of passed out in the seat, but still I was barley awake. He pulled over into an abandoned parking lot, and parked the car all the way in the back of the building, so no one could see what he was about to do. He climbed on top of me, as I only smiled dreaming of another man. He laughed a loud, disgusting laugh, and unbuckled his belt, tieing it around my neck tightly, causing my head to only look in one direction; Towards him. His pants slowly slid off this chunky hips, and he rested his head under my chin. His hand brushed my chin and he whispered to me.

"You are such a fool..." He slurred, I only closed my eyes, still out of it. The drug had completely taken over my body, and I was surprised I was able to remember as much as I had. And Ben raped me with out hesitation, and know that I think back on this, I believe the reason I recall everything so clearly was because of the pain. I remember the pain. It hurt, and was nothing like you could ever imagine. So many feelings I couldn't never describe. But I was helpless, and I _was_ a fool.

So as I knelt in the abandoned car, parked in back of a building, I hurried to return to the door and escape. There was no way I could find the lock, and I had no clue where Ben could be. I was scared, cold, and in horrible pain. A thunder storm was near, I could hear it in the distance, as it began to slowly drizzle on top of the car; Small rain drops found their way between the leaves attached to the leaves that hung above me. So then there was no choice, I was getting out of this hell. I curled my fist, and jammed my hand into the window, creating only a small crack. I whimpered, as a small spot of blood began to appear on my knuckle. I took a deep breath, and nailed the window of the car for the second car, yet harder this time. However, only a small piece of glass broken from the sturdy window, and had dug it's way into my skin. I was holding back the tears as I yanked the piece of glass from my body, and decided on one final attempt to break the window and escape. And this time it wouldn't fail. With every bit of energy I had left in my frail body, stood up on the driver's seat, bending my neck so I could stand up all the way. And I kicked the broken window, glass flying everywhere as a huge hole, just big enough for myself to squeeze through appeared. Glass had been trusted into my legs and face. I was lucky it missed my eyes. I had just started to bleed in numerous places, as the red liquid appeared quickly on my pale, white skin.

I slowly crept out of the car, running as far as possible from it as I could, the rain now falling heavily against my skin. My eyes adjusted to the knew light, of the moon. It was colder outside of the car, and a sharp pain began to creep up to my head, now throbbing. The small amount of blood spread through out my body began dripping down my arms and legs, yet I ignored it. It felt as though I had been running away from something so many times in this world; Weather something was chasing me physically or mentally, the last month had been harsh on my legs.

I found a cozy spot in a warm phone booth about three miles away from where the car was parked. The moon was starting to disappear as the Sun had just begun to show it's self. I guess this was what I got in exchange, this was karma; Wasn't that right? Wasn't this my punishment for leaving the Elrics? This must of been the pain they felt when I left, and so I had to experience it too. But it was just so much, they didn't deserve this. I thought these things to myself as I began to dial the ten numbers I knew by heart. I dialed, and it rang. And rang. It rang so slowly, yet too fast for my damaged heart to take. I was sure it skipped a few beats once I heard the phone ring for the fifth time. I fell to my knees with the phone still stuck between my shoulder and ear.

_Please, please pick up. It was the last coin I had in my pocket. Your my last coin! Please just pick it up!_

It rang again, and again. It rang for quite away before I finally got an answer. The phone went dead, and the entire city became black.

xxx


	36. Confidence

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing...**_

**Confidence**

I slept in a phone booth that night, or I guess the early morning. I awoke when a young couple knocked on the glass window, waking me to get inside and make their own call. I smiled and tried to comb my hair with my sweaty hands as best I could. I was a wreck, and even though the two never asked if I was alright, they had starred at me the entire time with a concerned look on their face. I tried to explain to them the phone wasn't working, as it had only been a few hours since the city's power failure, yet they refused to listen to me, digging into their pockets and pulling out a shinny coin. I bet they would have lended me my own coin if I asked and explained my situation, but I really didn't want to get into it. I looked like a homeless woman at the point anyway.

It had been a tough night; I finaly found a bathroom in an old gas station an old man let me use, even when I wasn't buying his gas. The mirror was cracked and dirty, yet I managed to clean my alchol stained shirt, and turn the sweatly blanket still tied around my naked waist into a decent mini skirt. I slipped my hair into a messy bun, letting my greasy bangs dangle in front of my eyes. I pushed them aside, as I waved to the man at the station, continuing my journey through the unknown town.

It wasn't long before I figured out I was in the country of Italy, such a beautiful place. I had no clue Ben had taken me so far away from Germany; and my friends. Although it wasn't the best town in the country, the streets flocked with people, of all different colors. Some woman wore tight red, cotton, shirts, and pants that squeezed their hips so tight, their three inch waist's looked fat. Men wore green and orange tops, with denim jeans, just a bit loser then the girls. I felt out of place with my baggy, black tee shirt; However the plaid blanket-skirt seemed to fit well with the theme of the city. It wasn't as cold as it had been during the night, and now that the fall sun had appeared in the thick sky, my skin now showed a warm, October glow. I walked with confidence down the streets of citizens, cars pulled aside with two wheels on the side walk. A few street performers played their music loudly in the center of the plaza, with a large circle of happy people clapping around them. I smiled, recognizing a few instruments from Risembool, as I joined the circle pushing my way to the front. I started to move my hands together, tapping my feet to the beat, as many men and woman threw silver coins at the music players. I laughed and sang to the familiar beat they played, as well as everyone else. Suddenly, the beat changed to a fast love song; Everyone turned toward their partners and began to dance. Forgetting about my past, a young man around my age with long, black, hair and dark, olive, skin turned toward me, and asked if I would like to dance. I nodded with out thinking, as he grabbed my hand and waist, spinning me around as the music began picking up. The steps came natural to me as if I had knew them my whole life, practicing them everyday. I laughed with the man as another smaller circle appeared around us, singing with smiles as my handsome partner and I continued to dance, showing off our steps.

"Your pretty good." The boy whispered in my hear, with a deep, Italian accent as he spun me in a tight circle. I giggled slightly.

"Your not half bad your self." I chuckled into his ear. He smiled, as we realized it was almost time for the music to come to an end; This was the finale, our steps had to be perfect because everyone watching. Everyone was watching every small thing we did, and were all into the perfect beat the street performers played, something they had put their hearts into as much as our dance. And it was then he through my back against his arm taking a pose, as I tossed my head back to the ground, my eyes facing the sky, finishing the beat with my graceful hand across his check. We froze as everyone cheered and applaused; Even the street performers rested their instruments on their knee, clapping as me and the mysterious man took a long bow, our hands locked. We stepped out of the circle, gaining back out breath, as he released my hand, with a trusting smile.

"Thanks for the dance Miss. May I have your name?" I opened my mouth to speak when a dark, skinned girl, with long tight, brown, locks appeared from the crowd, locking arms with the boy who stood in front of me. They looked at each other with eyes that only spoke the word 'love'. And I knew they were together, it was all for nothing.

"That was amazing." She whispered into his ear. Then her eyes met with my own. "Thank you for such an amazing performance." I forced a smile, and turned away from them to the crowd; After that, at the boy's strong, black eyes. He still wanted my name, after he had showed me his girl friend, and toar my heart apart even after we had shared such an amazing dance.

"I'm sorry, maybe we will meet again one day. Thank you." I looked back to the circle of people as the couple disappeared into Italy's enormous crowd, the sun shining bright on her brown hair, bringing out hidden, golden highlights.

And it was them I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, startling me as I knew it had to be Ben. I didn't turn around, for if it was to be him; I knew it was over. I knew that as a fact, and I was so sure of it, I would let them write it on my grave for when ever I may use it. But the hand wasn't just cold, but hard and soft at the same time. How was that possible, for something to be hard and soft. It just wasn't. Yet the thought crossed my mind even when I tried to push it away; It almost felt like a cool piece of metal, with a thin glove covering the entire thing. But who wear's gloves this early in the fall?

It wasn't that cold.

xxx


	37. Because I Want You

_Author's Note: The next two chapters have already been written, but need a lot of editing. Although I kinda liked the main idea, I wrote them kinda weird. So, it might take a few days to completely edit them. Just want you all to stay informed, so enjoy! Yes, Edward has finally returned to the story; I missed him too._

**_Disclaimer: Nothing._**

**Because I Want You**

If I had the choice, I would have never turned around to that gorgeous face of his. But I had no choice; His metal hand dug into my skin, nearly braking it. I felt a bone not too far underneath his grasp crack. Then, he pulled with hardly any effort. My bod spun quickly facing him. I nearly passed out from the shock of Edward standing three inches before me on two legs. Like always, his hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail, with his long bangs loosely hanging from the top of his head. And that small antenna that had always stuck out like a stick was as perfect as ever. His eyes danced like fire; His face full of anger. The color had returned to his face from when I had last seen him, however I could tell he was still not completely healed from the life threatening illness that had taken over his body only a few weeks ago. Other then those feelings, I simply couldn't read him. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking, how he had found me, how he was alive! He survived, when I swore he looked as though he was on his death bed not too long ago.

And because I didn't speak from the shock that had taken over my body, as well as controlling is, that sturdy fist dragged it's way down my arm, stopping at me wrist. He turned away from the huge crowd of people with me close behind, as I had no choice but to follow his strong hand. He pulled me far away from them all, into a spot on the side of the street, next to a building where no one but the two of us stood. I whispered his name with my lips, though I wasn't sure any sound came from them. He released his grasp, letting out a deep breath; Stroking his hair with a long nose sigh.

"Your alive... How..." I attempted to tell him my thoughts so maybe he could some how explain, breaking the long, dreadful silence of only the wind whistling under our noses, and the loud voices of Italy not too far behind us. He was started I had spoken so soon, looking straight into my eyes confused eyes.

"Damn it Winry, where the hell did you think you were headed?! Do you know where you are right now? What gives you the damn right to run away from us!" He yelled into my face. He coughed, looking away, as if he wished the answer he wanted from me would never come.

"I wasn't running away...-"

"What the hell does that mean?! Yes you were! Do we mean anything to you, or do you feel as if you could leave at any damn moment, and not..." He was out of breath, and I could tell still very ill. "...And not tell us a damn thing anytime you want to leave!" He chocked on his breath covering his face with his right hand, rapped tightly in the white glove. I ignored his feelings, because it wasn't _my_fault. I had decided if I were to ever meet with the man who stood before me ever again, I would not take the blame. He was the one who got sick, and gave up on Al and I! I was the one who was harassed and raped to a point where I never wanted to share those feelings with any living being ever again. He was the damn one who _lied_ to me about his love. So what gives him the right to blame me for everything when I was there feeling sorry for him in a towel rapped around my waist?

But then again, when did Ed ever cry? He really never did, hardly ever. And out of everyone who would ever meet Edward, I probably knew that the most. And he was about to break. He must of been hurting inside to fall apart at the scenes.

"You were dieing Ed... I thought my dession was the best way for all of us-"

"_What about Al?!_ So what if I god damn died, Alphonse would be alone right now!" I was quick with answers. There were no tears this time, I had learned I had to be strong.

"But it's more then that Edward. Stop using your brother as an excuse for everything!"

"You don't know what the hell your talking about, so shut up!"

"Don't tell me that, I know exactly-"

"Shut up!"

"Why can't I ever talk about anything with you!?"

"Just shut up, Winry!!"

"Stop it! Let me fucking talk!!" And it was then my neck fell limp, and the blood in my head rushed to my feet. I grabbed Edward's metal shoulder for support as my head rested under his chin. I forced the tears back through my eyes and into my body as I felt his left hand rest lightly on my back. He coughed. We stayed in that position as it seemed like forever; The only thing I regretted about the moment was not looking up to see his face. I wondered what his expression could have been, and even for knowing him for such a long time, I could never picture his face. I could feel the eyes of people walking and starring at us; Walking by confused of what they had seen before them. I was surprised no one had stopped and asked if we were alright from standing in the position so long and silent.

At the same we fell to our knees, with out backs leaning against the side of the building. I pulled my knees close to my chest digging my head between them. I could imagain Ed was cross legged, with his head rested on his hand; However I never would know his possition for I wasn't sure I wanted to look at him.

xxx


	38. It's the World

_Author's Note: It's been over a week since I last updated, hasn't it! I am sorry for that, took me so long to edit this chapter and I am still on happy with the way it turned out. Enjoy, read and review!_

_And sorry for the mistakes, I know that there is a lot. I will look over everything this week!_

_**Disclaimer: I really don't own anything. Seriously...**_

__**It's the Word**_**  
**_  
Those who can love one another, believe the impossible; And I think the impossible is very possible to be possible. Love can bring together a heart with another, and just as easily break that same heart in half. Love can destroy as well as create. Love can love, and can hate. When I was young, and heard the word love it seemed like such a simple word. 'Good night mommy, I love you' I would tell her as she tucked me into bed, closing the door and leaving me in the darkness of my room in Risembool. She would tell me she loves me back, as she was the one who taught me such a word. Yet, as you grow older you start to understand the meaning a little bit better. First you might call a pet love, hugging it every time he sleeps. Then you develop a crush at school or around town, and you understand what it feels like to watch that same guy walk away with another girl; The first stage of love. And you would think after that point, 'love' would simply just become easier to get.

I was dead wrong. You learn how to fall in love, and that it is possible to marry the one who faith binds you with. You learn that one day you will be able to love that person so much, all you want to do is help him, stay close and create love.

I thought I loved Ed; Was I wrong to think it? Admit it? It's such a powerful word yet he told me the same thing back. I thought we were meant to be together now that it was the two of us stuck in this world. But he was going to die, and I knew for sure he at least didn't love me enough to live. So I abandoned him for abandoning me. Yet then, he magically found the strength to get up and walk out of bed, and cross from Germany all the way to Italy; For me. He sacrificed his younger brother's safely by splitting up.

And it confused me so much because I completely forgot the definition of love. However, there was one thing I wasn't getting. Ed did the impossible, he healed himself enough to search for me in this scary world. Was love always like that? Maybe love was the impossible. The feeling you get when your around them; It's like nothing you have ever felt before.

And he was here, with me sitting right next to me on the sidewalk in such a small city. He was here, he was right there. If I wanted to, I could reach my right hand out and touch his hair. I could touch his golden hair just for proof of his existence. This person was the one I had once felt love with, the impossible with.

"You feel so warm, Ed. You still have a high fever, don't you?" I whispered from my current position.

"Mm."

"Where is Alphonse?"

"I don't know."

"How come? Why don't you know where your brother is?"

"He's not in Italy."

"Obviously." I sucked in the breath around me, holding back my fist. He was so stubborn; The same Ed I had always known. The same Ed I thought I had once loved... I wanted to tell him everything, because if I didn't now, who knows when the next opportunity would come.

"Let's go. People are looking at us. Get up..." I felt his eyes rest on top of my body. I looked up to the light, as Ed stood up gazing down the street. I didn't want to stand, but with out warning I felt his arm reach down, grabbing my own and pulling me up. His grasp fell to his sides, as his hands slipped into his warm pockets. I followed him down the boulevard, squeezing through Italy's people. "Al was looking for you. I have no idea where he is. We split up in hope to find at least a clue of where you could have gone-"

"But you where so sick."

"Yeah, and I still am. I can stand though, and I can still see; It's not that bad."

"How are you going to find Al? How long have you been looking? Why did you..."

"What?"

"Well if you let me finish talking I could tell you." He sighed in defeat.

"Damn, sorry."

"If I ran away, then.. Well why? I just thought that maybe I could..." I looked up to the back of his head. Although I couldn't see his face, I knew he was getting frustrated by my stuttering. "I just, wasn't ready to be... to see you, I need a break from this Edward..." I couldn't change my words once they left my mouth, neither could I express my feelings toward anyone at the moment. Though it crushed my heart when I realized he was acuatly really listing to what I was saying. He stopped walking and turned around facing me, flashing me those eyes I hated to see. I tried to look away, but he had trapped me.

He tried to speak, but grunted instead.

"...What?" He muttered from the corner of his mouth. There was a sudden change in his voice, though I couldn't read it. I looked down escaping his glare. Why did this hurt so much? Why was he doing this to me? It seemed like he cared, why did he come and find me? Still so ill, and leaving his brother with appsoluly no money in his pocket to search the world... For me? I thought he... I thought he had decided to give up on life; On me.

"I thought you lied..." He turned away, and continued to walk scratching his head as he let out a long, confused sigh. I gathered my confidence, preparing to talk, following his slow foot steps, practically stepping on his heels. "Edward, well don't you remember what you told me?"

It was a long silent walk from that point on, and I have to say; I was fine with that. What else could I possibly say?

When we reached a small motel in the center of the town, I could tell Ed was about to fall over. He was exhausted; Who knows how long he was searching in the hot sun for me. He was still very sick, way to sick to be roaming around Italy with thousands- No millions of people. His face was flushed, and he was white as a ghost. He limped as he walked up the stairs to our room, just in front of me. It took a lot for me not to scream at him to walk just a bit faster, but I had to understand. I would have been a Jerk for yelling at him. We had barley spoken to each other since our last conversation out on the street. He was clearly upset with me, and I didn't have a problem with not talking to him. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, and talk about. Myself; Ben and everything. It was hard to hold it in, and I bet it would have even made things easier between us if he had known what I went through. He obviously wasn't sure why I was being so stubborn, but I guess that's Ed for you.

Once we reached our floor it was around eleven at night, he pressed his back against the wall next to our room number, handing me the key. I grabbed it from his hand, unlocking it as slowly as I could; Trying to ignore his discomfort. I know the only thing he wanted to do right now was sleep. But also because I was a little frightened about seeing our room. This would be the 5th apartment I would be staying in since I crossed the gate in this world. I just hoped with wouldn't bring back memories from any of those; They all shared such horrible times. The fire, Ed's illness, and Ben. Once the door was unlocked, I closed my eyes, and backed away from the door, hinting for Edward to open it first. He decided to be obedient for once, as I heard him grunt, pushing himself off the wall, and grabbing th handle. Then turning it. I heard him walk in, dropping his coat and bag on the floor.

"Are you coming any time soon?" He sighed from inside the room. I opened my eyes, as I stepped inside. I saw a long room, the color of wet sand you would find on the Beach just after it poured. The floors were covered in old wood. Ed stood right in front of the full size bed, pulling off his gloves, then bending down to search for something inside his bag. It was a bit like the motel the three of us shared after the fire, but very different. After a breath of relief, I spun around and locked the wooden door behind me.

"Hey. Uh, can I borrow... Something to wear?" I asked looking down. I never did tell him I was wearing the same clothes I was raped in, not to mention the only thing covering my butt was a dirty old blanket. With out giving it a second thought, he threw a pair of black shorts at me; Weather I caught them or not. He sighed standing up, and sitting on the side of the bed farthest away from me, pulling out his pony tail, and teing a new one in his gold hair. He coughed, and with out saying a word, crawled under the blankets, turning out the light in an instant. I starred at the bed in the darkness, as I untied my skirt (blanket). I pulled the black shorts Ed had given me up tp my waist. They smelled like him, and god had I missed that smell so much. I found his bag on the floor, searching for something I could wear on top, and get out of the disgusting shirt I had been wearing. I found a baggy white shirt, slipping it over my body.

Even after all me and Edward had ever shared together, now 18 years; I felt so awkward slipping into the same bed as he. I guess maybe because he was sick and pissed, but usually that kind of stuff didn't bother me. I tip toed over to the bed, sitting on the opposite side then his body layed. There was a giant window on is side of the bed, with the moon peaking through the white curtains. I was the same color of the sheets I used to own in my bedroom back in Risembool; Or the sheets in our burnt apartment building; With the dead rose that used to lay on top of it, every so often breaking onto the sheets.

Edward was laying on his side away from me. I whispered his name to see if he was still awake. When he did not answer, I pulled the sheets over my head, laying down as silently as I could. I let out a deep breath, as I heard the wind blow against the window. It was cold in the small room, the fall had completely taken over Italy now, Summer was gone. I slid closer to Edward's warm, protecting body. I felt so safe next to his resting soul, for the first time in so long. Even if he was in a horrible mood, so tired and ill he couldn't even open his eyes if I were to shake him; If Ben were to show up now, on the other side of the window, I felt as I could be strong and stand up to the man who I thought I once trusted, only because I had Edward by my side.

It wasn't long before I could feel my lids tug on my eyes, and I unconsciously drifted off to sleep, next to his fevered body; Like I had so many times before.

xxx


	39. I Found Myself Dreaming

_Author's Note: I hope I haven't disappointed anyone with anything, reveiws have been down? Please fell free to express your opinion or if you are confused about anything, I will be happy to help :3_

_I worked really hard on this chapter, though I wasn't sure it came ot the way I wanted it too. So, expect some re-editing soon. Starts off with a dream that's kinda like a flash back..._

_**Disclaimer: Arakawa-sama owns Fullmetal Alchemist and all her wonderful characters...**_

**I Found Myself Dreaming**

And again I found myself dreaming...

_We were down by the river were we weren't supposed to be. It was far from Ed and Al's house, and mine; Almost took a half hour to walk there. We had never been there before, even when Grandma Pinako said she would bring the three of us when we got older if we wanted. It was late one evening, at there house on the 2nd floor during one of our famous sleep overs. The three of us had layed three blankets down into a star so our heads met once we all layed down. The lights were off because if Trisha were to know we were still awake at ten at night, I would have been sent home. It was pitch black but I could still see the brother's eyes glowing in the darkness. Ed had been telling Al and I about a long salt water river, and what it looked like at night._

_"It's amazing. If you get there around midnight, and close your eyes at the very end of the river, and listen and stay as quiet as you can, you can hear every single animal in the woods. Then, after that you open your eyes slowly; And you can see lightning bugs everywhere. And it becomes so bright that you can see the current of the river flowing south."_

_"But it's so late. And your mom said there was a storm coming." I whispered back, though after hearing Edward's description of the beautiful river, I wanted to see it just as much as he did._

_"We would get in so much trouble if we were caught, brother." Al spoke softly, closing his eyes as they disappeared into the darkness._

_"But no one is gonna find out. Come on, it's going to be so much fun! And I can still see the stars in the sky; If there aren't any clouds then that means no storm. Who's in?" The thought of sneaking out to find a secret river sounded like fun, but getting caught wasn't. Yet the warm summer air was comforting, and I had begun to want to explore this body of water as well. Therefore, it was decided. The three of us tip toed down the stairs, past Trisha's sleeping form on the couch across from the door. Fortunately, she didn't wake as Ed shut the door as silently as he could._

_We began to laugh hysterically as we ran through the grass towards the river, the wet wild flowers touching our ankles softly, brushing our skin. The full moon was brighter then usually, lighting us a path through Risembool, as we jumped over rocks and weeds. I felt as if I could fly, running so fast and feeling so free; Like a wild horse in a huge plain out in the middle of no where. The thought of being caught by any adult had slipped away. My short blond hair only touching a bit past my shoulders escaped in the breeze, rising on my back as it disappeared into the wind. We ran together; No one was the fastest and no one was the slowest; We ran at the same pace for what seemed like hours. My eyes teared from the light wind against my body. I wiped them away smiling into the distance. Once we reached the top of a huge grassy hill, the three of us unconsciously stopped to catch our breath. Ed pointed into the distance with a left had on his hip._

_"Look, there is it! Can't you guys see it?" Yes! I could see it! I could hear it from here too, the sound of the river splashing against the rocks. Al and I nodded as we continued our journey toward the magical place. I was so happy, I remember the feeling so well as I ran down that hill with my two best friends in the whole entire universe. I loved them so much, I felt as if I were dreaming, I didn't even notice the slow dark clouds start to move in front of our bright moon. And what seemed like forever, the three of us reached the river closing our eyes immediately at the edge just like Ed had instructed us to do so. I quietly crouched down letting my feet dangle off the dirt side, as my toes touched the cold, refreshing water bellow, shifting with the current. Ed and Al did the same as me, slowly so the lighting bugs wouldn't be scared away. With my eyes still shut, I listened, opening my ears to every single opportunity possible in the small magical river._

_I felt as if I could hear everything in the world. The sound of snoring in houses spread along the river; small dogs barking from the warm, summer breeze, crickets chirping as loud as they could with owls lightly in a far away woods. I heard the river slowing, crashing into rocks and moving lily pads from one position to another, yet not totally changing it's current home. Frogs sung with the crickets jumping into the water from fear of the three invaders kneeling next to their river. I could hear Ed's breathing; So soft and so strong. I noticed he was sitting so close to me as I opened my eyes by mistake. He was cross legged, and looked so peaceful with his eyes shut, just as if he were sleeping. I could tell he was listening to the river not with his delicate ears hidden behind his golden bangs, but his heart. I turned back to the river shutting my eyes as hard as the could, and tried to listen just a strong as himself. I tried to follow his example, but was distracted by a sudden shock of thunder out in the distance. My eyes snapped open as I turned to the Elrics who had ignored the noise completely. I wanted to love thunder storms as much as Ed and Al had always had. They had told me it was a comforting sound to listen to the rain pound against the roof of their house. As long as you were inside anyways. So I tried to ignore it too. I just hoped it wouldn't start raining with us away from home._

_"Okay. Winry; Al... Now, open your eyes and look at the river. But stay quiet." Al and I obeyed Ed's command as we opened our eyes, stretching my heart over the river. Just like he said, we watched as small lightning bugs filled the river, lighting up the water that flowed below us. Showing us with their light the small fish swimming with the current. Now, along with the sound we witnessed over the long body of water, we could see it as well. The trick Ed wanted us to learn was this; First we had to look at the river with our heart and mind. Not our eyes. We needed to see even those that could not be seen with out looking for it. We had to look at it with our ears, and imagine were the sound could be coming from. Then, once we had heard it, we were aloud to view it, bringing all the pieces of the puzzle together. And what a beautiful sight is was. Something I never wanted to leave. Or forget._

_Though the beauty of the hour withered away as I felt the first rain drop of the storm, with another loud boom in the background. The three of us looked at each other silently as the rain began taking over Risembool's, cool night sky. I looked up the stars, only to find the clouds that weren't at all existing a few hours ago had completely covered the once beautiful, dark blue sky. We watched as the rain came faster, and harder, the river's existence disappeared along with it's sound._

_"We should leave, brother." Al spoke disappointed._

_"Yeah..." Edward whispered back to his brother standing up. The three of continued walking towards the grassy hill, soaked with rain. The thunder was loud, and I was trying my best to keep silent. I was terrified, but didn't want to show my fear to Ed and Al. How could they be so calm? Once we reached the top of the hill we were drenched._

_"Guys, we shouldn't stay here with the lightning tonight." I shivered looking over the sleeping town. The freezing air had taken over the cool July breeze, as I trembled looking over to the Elrics._

_"Ah, don't worry Win, the odds of being struck by lightning is 1 to 576,000. That's more people then all the people who live in Risembool together times two. I wouldn't worry. Oh, and you can borrow something to wear once we reach our house." Ed stated comfortably with a sheepish grin. "You want to run home guys?" His brother and himself agreed not even counting down like we usually did. The two of them took off from the top of the hill leaving me behind. I didn't want to run anymore. I was soaked, freezing and terrified of the storm. The wonderful thoughts from the river had completely disappeared. But I didn't want to be left alone. Even though the Elrics were a good distance ahead of me, I took off down the hill running as fast as my small legs could take me. Even though I felt as if I was running faster then a life time's worth, I couldn't catch up to the brothers. I tried to run harder, jumping as lighting struck across the sky. "...the odds of being struck by lightning is 1 to 576,000..." That was what Edward had told me, and I trusted him. My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden increase of speed- With in seconds I was on the ground, looking up to the brother's in front of me disappearing into the storm. I had tripped and fell, and was now in a huge puddle of mud, right at the bottom of the huge hill._

_"Edward! Alphonse!! Wait for me!" I screamed into the darkness as I tried to sit up. My knee was scratched, and bleeding horribly, as well as I couldn't move my leg. I tried to stand up, but fell back to the ground immediately. I started to cry as it poured against my delicate skin. Thunder filled my ears as lightning controlled the sky. There was no one to blame, it was my fault I had tripped. How foolish I was when I should of been watching where I was going. Even if I had walked down the hill, I would have eventually made it home; And that was better then sitting in a storm covered in mud. It felt like forever before I heard someone calling my name out from the rain covered air._

_"Winry!? Where are you? Are you still out here?" It was Edward's comforting voce, coming closer and closer. So close were even through the darkness of the storm, I could see his hand reaching out toward me. _

And it was then I awoke suddenly, back into the darkness of the motel room in the middle of Italy, and out of my dream in Risembool. I rubbed my head, looking toward the source that had woken me up from a wonderful memory that had suddenly turned disastrous. It was Edward, in a deep sleep next to me on the bed. He had rolled onto his back, his favorite possiton to sleep, elbowing me in the face. Thank god I was sleeping on his left side, or his metal arm would have killed me. I didn't move as I watched him breath in and out; Perfectly. His eyes were closed lightly with his mouth slightly ajar. As he took each breath, I watched him suck in his next one.

I missed watching him sleep so much, I hadn't realized how I had forgotten it. Ed slept alot, basically as much as he could when he wasn't stressed. When we were little, I remember coming over to his house with Al leading me up the stairs to Ed passed out on his bed in their bedroom. Or when Ed and Al came to visit Risembool after needing auto mail adjustments, I would always find him napping on the couch as the sun set over the small village. And even in this world, when Ed was bored or had nothing to do, his favorite activity was to sleep. And I always loved to watch him whenever I could. He wasn't easy to wake up either. He really never snored, but his breathing was steady and strong.

And now as I watched him sleep inches next to me, his left elbow resting on my shoulder as we both layed on our backs in the small room, I smiled a true smile for the first time that day. I could feel his leg was brushed up against my own under the covers. He was so warm and it felt so good to be back, however warmer then usawal from his sill slight fever. I giggled softly at the fact he was taking up two thirds of the bed, with me at the edge. Yet I didn't mind. I thought about getting up and finding a wash cloth for his forehead, to cool him down, but by leaving the bed, I might lose my spot. His head was between my pillow and his own. The covers on his side of the bed were down to his chest when we had started out with the sheets pulled up to our chin.

Though my thoughts interrupted such a sweet scene. Why? Why did I do what I did? I ran away from him and Al. I gave up on my best friends who I had known forever. I loved them so much, and I ditched them. I could say that Ed had started it by coming down with such a horrible illness, but had I forgotten what the two of shared only a month ago? We shared, love. He admitted he loved me, as I did the same with him. We kissed in the darkness more then once, and I had loved the feeling. We shared something that only those who promise to stay together for all eternity share. In such a silent place- Had I forgotten the feelings we shared? I shouldn't have given up so easily on him, I should have stayed and tried my best to nurse him back to health. Although it still confused me when he had told me he was ready to die, that was no reason to abandon him. Why did I at least try to understand the pain he was dealing with. And as karma would have_, 'er_ Equivalent Exchange, I was sexuality assaulted by a man I knew was bad news in the first place.

And so I turned on my side causing the bed to shake, however Ed did no more then flinch at the sudden movement. I rapped my arms around his bulky waist, digging my head into his chest. Tears began pouring out of my eyes as I smiled hugging him tighter. I shifted my body leaning closer to his warmth as my blond hair covering my back showing brightly against Ed's black shirt that rested over my body. I squeezed him harder as my leg wrapped around his own flesh knee. I watched as his golden eyes flickered open half way, peeking down at my form.

"Winry..." He slurred rubbing his eyes with his flesh hand.

"Edward, I didn't mean to wake you... I'm sorry. Just go back to sleep, your sick." I whispered silently crying into his shirt.

"It's alright..." He spoke back softy with a raspy tone. I hugged him tight close to my heart as he turned on his side toward me. "Just be careful, I don't want to get you... sick..." He trailed off closing his eyes, as he rested his chin above my head. I smiled as his breathing became steady. I could feel his chest expand and decrease against my own.

xxx


	40. I Can't Seem to Explain

_**Disclaimer: I do not own FMA in any way...**_

**I Can't Seem to Explain**

The morning was breezy and dark, however there were many people in the market. Most looked to be very poor, not like the first impression I had gotten of Italy out on the streets. For example, a young woman stood in front of me leaning with all her wait on the shopping cart in front of her; A small child who looked to be about three, cried and screamed at the woman, tugging on her long, brown hair. The child sat on her hip, holding on to the woman's green coat for support. She turned to grab something off the shelf in front of her. She had black eyes, with long, dark bags outlining them. Her hair was down to her hips, tied in a lose braid with millions of fly away hair stuck to her face. I watched her push them out of the away bending down to let the crying child stand on his own. I pushed my cart past her, not taking my eyes off the two.

There were many others in the store just like her. It was depressing, so many people at the market led huge, shopping carts in front of them but couldn't afford to fill even of a quarter of the carriage. I felt strange walking around the store with my carriage about half way full, my long blond hair and light skin stuck out in the crowd. Although Ed and I were almost out of money ourselves, we had enough for food. The food here wasn't very expensive, actually very cheap compared to where the three of us used to shop back in Germany.

It was around nine in the morning, and I had just woken up Ed enough to tell him I was running out to go food shopping. I remember slipping a pair of Ed's baggy, black sweats on, grabbing my hair into a high pony tail, and touching his shoulder. I watched his head turn toward me with out opening his eyes.

'I feel like shit... What is it... Win?' He whined into the still air.

"I'll be back in a few hours, I'm going to get us food." I told him. "Ok?" He moaned and I knew he understood me. I was in need of fresh air and some time to think, plus I thought it would be a good idea to pick up a pair of pants for myself since I still didn't have any. Of course, I was afraid I would run into Ben again, I had felt that way since the moment I had woken up in the empty car. And with Ed still not knowing the entire situation, I was probably in more danger then I knew. It is common sense to know that ff the criminal wasn't caught, he was sure to return.

It was something I was afraid to get into with Edward, and I hadn't really even had the time to talk to him about anything yet. Besides, he still was stressed out about his missing brother. Or at least I was. I knew that once Edward found out I had been raped, he would blame himself for not protecting me. Ed would either die from the guilt, or stalk Ben down himself so he could place a bullet into his heart.

I paid the woman at the register with four apples, tea bags, ramon, a small bag of meat and a tuna fish. I had totally forgotten about buying myself clothes as I turned the key, retuning to the motel room. I dragged the two bags inside, making sure locking the door was my first priority. I turned around finding Ed barley awake, sitting up on the bed, writing something on his lap. He looked up, pushing his left bang out of his face, starring at my sweats. Or _his_ sweats. I guess it was this small detail that set the mood in the room.

"Don't you have your own clothes the wear?" He grunted with a nasty tone off he tip of his tongue. My guess he was still in a bad mood, prior to last night. _Only if he knew..._

"Nope, I bought you food. You should be thankful. Would you like some tea or-" I sighed digging in the shopping bag as he interrupted with a rant.

"It's freezing in here, those are the only other pants I have! I fucking had to sleep in these last night." He pointed at the long, brown pants covering his legs. I was used to his attitude by now, I just wished he could remember. It was times like this that I questioned if he really ever did say he loved me. _Not that I cared_.

"Geze Edward, _sorry_. Would you like them right now? I don't have anything else to wear, and you were pretty out of it when I left a few hours ago, so I thought it would ok if I-"

"I gave you shorts! And that's my shirt too, isn't it? No, keep 'em for all I care...'' He snapped, turning back to his writing. He was impossible, though I had the patients today. I didn't mind his horrible mood for now.

And maybe because part of me thought it was a bit _sexy. Very sexy._

I decided to make him tea as I wanted a warm cup as well. November was near, and the cold rain outside that had started only after I had reached the room. After about ten minutes I walked over to the bed, wiping the bottom of our cups with a towel, as I had spilled a bit. I sat next to him on my side, as he looked up. I handed him the cup slowly bringing my bear, cold, feet onto the blanket. He reached for the cup putting down his paper and taking the warm glass from my hands. He sipped it looking out the window across from the bed. He was still so pale, and I had noticed his eyes had returned to the color from when he had first come down with the fever.

My guess was he was still pretty sick, possibly worse from last night. And. And that he was thinking about Alphonse.

Life was hard at the minute, he needed someone, we needed someone.

Damn it. Damn it all.

xxx

Author's Note: Thanks for all the kind reviews last chapter, -reviews are love- and sorry for the wait for this one...


	41. Times Like Hell

_Author's Note: I rewrote this chapter like three times. I hope you like it :3_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the anime or manga, Fullmetal Alchemist at all. **_

**Times Like Hell**

Rain hit the roof of the small motel hard that afternoon; Twelve o'clock soon became six and the sun wasn't anywhere to be seen. Through the next six hours Ed and I sipped our tea slowly, and I was forced to make at lest three more cups prior to the first one. He continued to scribble in his journal for a while, not speaking much to me, however his constant coughing became quite annoying. I stayed on the bed next to him for a good hour or so, and tried to nap at one point closing my eyes against the hard pillow against the wooden head bored of the bed. Sleep never came to me as I eventually got up from my position on the bed and stepped into the bathroom.

I cried a bit silently and was sure to wash my face once I came back into the room so Edward wouldn't see the tears. He slept for half an hour, then awoke complaining to back pains. I made him get up from the bed, lectured him calmly about the reason for his pain was because he was being a lazy ass, by sitting on it all day long. He didn't have too much to say back other then, 'Shut up' or 'Your not the one who feels like shit' or 'Do you have your period or something, 'cause your really bitching about everything today, huh?' He took a walk down the hall way of the building, and came back less then ten minutes.

I decided to make ramen for dinner, and agreed to let Ed eat his dinner on the bed. I walked over to his sitting position, his arms crossed across his chest. Other then his nasty, slightly sexy attitude, serving him was starting to get on my nerves.

"Here. Just don't spill it on the sheets, we have to sleep there tonight." I whispered placing the warm bowl onto his lap.

"I won't, relax." I flashed him a strong shot with my eyes. He was the one who needed to damn relax.

It wasn't much longer until after we both finished the soup, that Ed passed out sitting in an up position on the bed. Once I was tired enough to sleep as well, I fell on the bed hard, shaking it, trying to wake him so he could move over to his side and get off the covers. When he didn't move I lost my patients and slapped his flesh hand. Pretty hard, too.

I watched his eyes flicker open, tilting his head toward me. He groaned touching the small red mark that had began to appear on his pale skin. He didn't speak, but instead turned away from me on his side digging his head under his right arm. He mumbled a few words.

"What did you say, Ed? I didn't quite catch that!" I snapped at him lying on my back as I turned off the light. I tugged on the sheets hard from under his body until I was able to squeeze under. I hated this, it was already so dark outside. In the Summer, the sun wouldn't set until 8, but now it seemed as though I could sense a sunset around four. The room was pitch black, the moon was barley visible. It was still raining outside.

"Damn it! Your really starting to piss me off!" He spat into his pillow, with a deep raspy tone. I was stupid and ignored his growing temper, by slapping my hand against the mattress, sitting back up toward him.

"Well why the hell haven't you spoken to me all night? You didn't even thank me for the dinner I made you!?-"

"All you made was _soup_!! Was that the best you could think of, any damn person could make that!"

"Oh well sorr-y! Maybe I made soup because we can't afford anything more delectable for your spoiled taste buds! Or possibly because your _deathly ill_-" Suddenly, he spun around with glowing eyes causing the entire bed to shake. The nightstand touching the table shook as well as the lamp above it.

"Shut the hell up, _Winry_! I'm trying to damn sleep! If you forgot, I feel like _fuck'in shit_! Go to sleep already! Dammit!'' No, this wasn't your average 'Ed' rants. He was mad, I had really pulled on his strings. I stood still, my eyes wide open as I could feel he had spit on my face during his outburst. Was he going to hit me? Where had this sudden expression come from? I had never been scared of Edward before, in my entire life.

But why did I feel like this now? I didn't want to! I wanted to _love_ him, I wanted him to love me, damn it! I hated it. I was scared of him, still just for a brief moment. Finally, I watched him slowly turn back around to his original position and crawl under the sheets he had been laying on. I watched as he crossed his arms around his chest letting out a deep breath, very slowly.

No. I hated this. He was so freaking mad at me; And that seemed to bother me so much.

As silently as I could I slide back under the covers turning toward his back, yet keeping my distance. I watched my breathing, I didn't want him to hear me take a breath for the fear of him snapping at me again. I waited for him to turn around and apologize, or for myself to at least say I was sorry. Because even if I was the one who was right, I felt I had so much to apologize for.

But he never did, and even though it took a long time, he eventually fell into a restless sleep. His breathing became heavier and steady. I watched him twitch every so often, giving me the green to breathe again.

I hated myself. I hated myself. I hated myself. I couldn't even feel the tear drop slide down my cheek. I felt numb. Why couldn't I just have kept my mouth shut? I hated myself so much.

If I were to count how many times I had cried since I cross the gate, I could probably drown this world in a heart beat.

xxx


	42. You and Me

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, or his sexy-ness.**_

**You and Me**

The rain came down so hard, I could barley hear my own breathing. Thunder filled the sky as an angry roar, lighting up the country; Light poured into the room for seconds at a time, though every single hair on my head lit up. I was asleep, I had been for the last couple of hours, though I could still hear the storm outside of the small motel. Wind was thrown against our window, causing the wood surrounding us, the only pieces of earth holding the small room up against gravity to crack, nearly shaking.

I felt the bed shake as another roar of thunder filled the room. I forced my eyes open turning on my back. I rubbed them, but I could hardly see anything. Edward sat up on the bed looking toward the door. His eyes were alive with fire. I was silent as he slowly got off the bed to get himself a glass of water. I knew he didn't know I was awake. He drank the entire glass with in seconds filling it to the top again quickly. This time, he only drank half and walked back to the bed placing it on the night stand. He sat on the side of the mattress looking at the huge window as another strike of lightning filled the room. Eventually, I watched him sigh and pull the covers off his side of the bed as he layed back down facing me.

I closed my eyes quickly, for I had no intention of letting him know I was awake. After 60 seconds had passed I opened one eye, the one closest to him only to see his were still wide open. He starred at his right hand that layed in front of him. I could barley hear his breath, he was quieter then usual.

He seemed to be lost in thought as I unconsciously shut my eyes again. I fell asleep beside him, even when I wanted to stay awake to see watch him. Though exhaustion had secretly crept over me and gave me no choice but to relax and sleep.

It must of been another hour or so before I awoke again. The rain had now slowed down, but I could still hear thunder very close to the motel. I hadn't realized what I had woken up too until I heard it again. It was his voice, right beside me. I turned my head startled to hear him speak with such a harsh tone in the middle of the night. He was now on his back with one arm folded behind his head, the other rested on his stomach. His head was tilted toward my own yet his eyes were close tight.

"No... it'll work..." He mumbled loudly. I was sure he was asleep, but then again, Al had told me it was normal for Ed to talk during nightmares. I sat up looking at him, worried. His eyes began to flinch and every so often his right arm would move slightly against his body. Sometimes his mouth would move, as if he were speaking in his dream, though only moans were audible.

"Don't be scared Alphonse... everything... hum... bled..." His words were broken and hard to understand. I tried to think of what he could be dreaming. Maybe he was thinking of his mother, or where Al could be. Or maybe an event from his past. What ever it was, I was sure it wasn't anything good.

Suddenly, he squinted his face as he moved his head slightly to the side. "No... this wasn't... uhh, why..." He voice grew slightly with every extra word that left his mouth. I leaned toward him, as my heart began to beat faster. My hair slid off behind my shoulders, dangling over his body. He moved his head slowly from side to side, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

"Alphonse... I'm sorry... You... you shouldn't look..." And because of the tone he spoke at I knew what he was dreaming about. He sucked in a hard breath as I began to cry. He was dreaming of what I feared most, something that haunted him to this day. Something that always had. Oh, of that horrible night that changed his life forever, as well as Al's. I wasn't sure what to do. And so my next move seemed to just come to me unconsciously. My damn body had a mind of it's own as I rested my lips on top of his as quickly as I could. I squeezed my tongue through his tight, dry lips, licking them from chapping by the cold, November air. I cried into my kiss as I found his tongue, warm and moist.

And suddenly, suddenly with out warning I felt his eyes snap open as he grabbed my waist with his metal hand. The nightmare had ended in a flash and startled him. Though I kept kissing him, I didn't want to touch him, for there was still a slight fear from earlier that evening. When I felt he wouldn't return the kiss, I pulled away only a few inches away from his face. His hand was still tightly around my waist as if he was holding it for support. My wet eyes looked into his. Oh, and they were filled with such horror! Pain and suffering! Love and regret! Guilt and confusion!

My hands slowly touched his fevered face covering his eyes, as he obediently closed them with my touch. My forehead met his as I closed my eyes, using my warm body to comfort him from the cold, air surrounding the bed.

"Why do you still think of such horrible things Ed... I can't even imagine..." There was silence. His left hand appeared on my forehead pushing it away from his, as he rapped my bangs behind my ear. He grabbed my hand, with his eyes still closed tightly and intertwined it with his own.

"Because If I continue to hold onto those memories, then Alphonse won't have too. Nobody will..." He whispered deeply into the still air.

"But you still do..." I sighed opening my eyes and sitting up on my knees. Our hands were still tightly bonded together.

"I just want to be strong for him. It's hard for you to understand... I don't expect you too..." He slowly opened his eyes as well, but I forced them both closed again.

"That's not strength. Not mental strength anyway, you need to begin to live your life with no regrets. And believe anything, love everything you have done.'' He wasn't going to answer me, and I didn't want him too. I wasn't sure if my words would impact him or not. He was such an unpredictable person. "Rest. Your sick, do you want more water or something?"

He shook his head 'no' as I pulled the covers over his head, burring him under the blanket. I slid under as well, surprised he wouldn't release his grip around my hand. Although our bodies weren't touching, I could feel his heart against the bed. I turned on my side, folding both hands over his left one.

"You and me, we're going to get through this together..."

Soon after I heard his steady breathing, I passed out as well.

xxx


	43. There's Gonna be an Accident

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist at all.**_

__**There's Gonna be an Accident**

It surprised me when I suddenly saw Al in the darkness, and it felt as though I could hear his voice. He was slowly drained out by the soft rain splashing against the window pain next to the bed. His bright green eyes looked lost, as he began to drift farther and farther away from myself. I looked around as I realized he was in a huge city, with millions and millions of people. More then this small town in Italy could ever have, and they were dressed so nice and formal.

I woke up slowly, the third time that night; Five hours after Ed had his nightmare. I just had this feeling that there was someone outside of the motel. I didn't want to move, I was comfortable and safe. My right leg was tightly squeezed between Edward's metal and flesh. I felt my cheeks burn up as I realized his chin layed gently on my right breast. He was so handsome, _gorgeous_. Yet something was telling me I had to go, just to see what it was. Something, _someone_ was outside. I knew it. And so as slowly as possible I pulled my leg from between Ed. I grabbed his cold, right wrist that was rapped around my waist, and placed it on the bed next to him. I backed away, and stepped off the mattress barley moving it.

Quickly, I bent my head over letting my hair fall in front of my face as I rapped a rubber band around it. My long pony tail touched the bottom of my back, as my bangs fell next to my eyes. I found the key buried in Ed's bag on the floor, slipping on another one of his huge shirts as well, for it was freezing outside.

_I just need to peek for a second. I would open the doors from the motel on the first floor, look outside for about five seconds, and after I found no one, crawl back under the enormous quilt with Edward_. That was the plan.

As I unlocked the door just as I heard the bed move; I knew the former alchemist sleeping on it would never wake to something as soft the clicking of the wooden door 20 feet away, but somehow, something managed to cause him to stir in his sleep at the right moment. I turned my head quickly letting the door slide open looking back toward the bed. I watched as he moaned, scratched his head, then mumble something softly. He pulled the quilt over his head, taking a long breath in. Then out. I waited for the rhythmic sounds of his breathing again before moving.

Once outside the room, I shut the door gently and ran down the hallway to the old, wooden stair case not looking back. Holding the handle as each foot found a new step, I began to ask myself If I was crazy. I had just snuck out of our warm and safe room to attempt to find something strange outside of it. I guess all I could say was it felt as though a sixth sense had told me to do so.

I practically laughed for a brief second once I reached the bottom, with a view to the glass entrance of the building. Then horror crept into my mind, entering through my eyes.

He stood with his back leaning on a poll, soaked to the bone; His long brown hair covered a good portion of his glowing eyes trapping me in an instant. He had a dirty smirk on his face, he seemed relived to finally lay his eyes on me again. I didn't want to move, though I was glad Edward was soundly sleeping up stairs so he couldn't see what stood before me. I was also glad no one else was in the building, for it was nearly five in the morning. My feet were in control now as I touched the frozen, metal handle of he door and pulled it open as a gust of wind spun my bangs practically behind my head. I moved slowly, then stopped, standing next to his drenched body as rain began to fall through my hair; Causing it to get heavier and heavier; Soon enough it had touched my back sending a chill down my spine soaking both layers of Edward's clothes.

He rested a hand on my shoulder causing me to flinch as he looked straight back into my eyes. His cruel smile disappeared as a car drove past the building slowly; The lights lit up his face showing every detail. He was so different then the Ben I used to know.

"Winry... I found you." His voice was a gentle whisper, echoing in my ears. I swallowed pulling back as his hand fell to his side. "It took a while too, and to think you would be in a small motel at the tip of Italy." I gave him a dirty look as I tried to be strong, sucking in my own tounge.

"Your a cruel man." I spoke harshly into his face. Suddenly I was pulled into his chest, then next to his wet skin. He leaned forward planting his lips right on top of mine. His mouth dominated mine as he began to kiss me rapping his hands around my back. I was locked in his grasp. I closed my eyes trying to avoid it. But his tongue begged, pleading mine to move. He was so strong, so smooth. I tried to bite him, however he found away to lock my jaw open. The rain picked up, as another car drove past us.

He stopped after a minute to catch his breath, from struggling with me; His arms still closed around my body for I had no chance to run. Why did his eyes seem suddenly so sad?

"I don't understand you anymore." I whispered into the dark night. He sighed breathing in my smell, rocking my body side to side gently.

"Is there such thing as love in this world?"

"Shut up, how could love ever mean anything to you? You don't even understand the meaning of-"

"When did you become so harsh? So cold..."

"Just shut up! Look who's talking, you bastard!" I pulled my body back pushing my hands against his chest. He let go, but quickly grabbed my hand as I looked back toward him with horrified eyes. I was scared of him. But what was he saying... Why was he so hard to read? I had already been wrong the first time from his false impression.

"I didn't mean it, I came to apologize..."

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I winded, turning my back to him, yet I was quickly spun around to face him for a second time.

"I love you, Winry." The rain stopped falling, as if it had just tood still on my nose. I was barley able to move, pushing my soaked bangs away from my face seemed to be a challenge considering how hard my hands were shaking. I could feel the heat growing all over my face, my feet became numb as I stomped a left foot to see if they were still attached to my restless body. He waited for a responce, some sort of answer from me; And I could tell he had been planning on telling me this for a while. He was so short and blunt it didn't sound as though it was a true statement.

"You... What?" I managed to whisper between my teeth.

"If you can meet me in Paris on the left side of the tallest building in the city exactly at this time, four months from now I might be able to help you return home safely. After all, I don't want to have to kill you."

xxx


	44. Time to Rise

_Author's Note: Hello all! My computer has been causing problems, so I had some trouble getting this chapter up. Sorry about that. No time for excuses, I want you to know that I plan on having one chapter either back in Risembool, or with Al to show you what is going on elsewhere. It won't be too long, just the facts and everything you have missed since Winry left her home, or since Al had left in hope for finding Winry._

_And I assure you, things with Ben will become clearer soon. Trust me, Winry is just as confused as you are :3___

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the Full Metal Alchemist nor his lover.**_

**Time to Rise**

He could see the confusion in my eyes, and it was true. I didn't understand a word he spoke out of such an evil mouth. Unspeakable horror came over me with in seconds after he spoke the word, 'kill'. My back stiffened as I took a small breath; I could feel the hair on my skin rise. My eyes widened as I watched a middle finger from the man that stood in front of me rise to my head, and intertwine around a lose piece of hair that had fallen out of my pony tail. His smiled faded, by a frown that had taken over his handsome face. I wanted to smack myself for thinking he was cute, he was such a cruel man. As well as I knew, there were no more words that could be spoken, everything was done. Nothing could be taken back. I felt anger, fear, confusion, even a strange time of love as I watched Ben turn away disappearing into the darkness of the storm. I grabbed the poll for support he had been leaning on, falling to my knees at I studied the spot I had watched him vanish.

"Sucha... bastard... I can be..." I spoke barley over a whisper to myself as I touched my chest. My voice shook as I tried to create full sentenced, not feeling at all foolish for speaking to myself, alone. "Beh... because..." I couldn't control my thoughts as they instantly became words. I wiped my eyes as the rain turned into a heavy drizzle, falling on my face making up for the tear drops that had always been there except for tonight. I played back his words into my mind. They couldn't be real, they just couldn't be... My mind wouldn't except them for they just couldn't be true. wasn't ready to die, I had never thought about it, I was still trying to move forward and except this new world was my home. But could I actually have a chance to leave it? Or was he lieing? He had already lost my trust for him, though his words seemed to set a spell on me. Home, such a kind thought. I would love the chance just to see Risembool for one last time; Even if it could only be for a brief moment. But death on the other hand was something I would like to hold off for a bit longer.

I was dripping wet once I reached the room, and it seemed darker then usual. I locked the door, making it my first priority after I closed it. I stripped, throwing everything to the floor, then sliding it under the bed with my foot. I found the last clean shirt Ed had in his brown bag. Quickly I slipped it over my breasts and pulled it down past my legs. I rapped my soaking hair into a tight bun and crawled under the sheets of the bed as fast as I could as a soft, blast of thunder was heard miles away.

Ed had taken up a good portion of the bed, his loud breathing causing it hard to think even if it was only a small noise compared to the storm; It blocked out everything. He layed on his back as I turned away, my eyes wide open as I tried to stop thinking, only telling myself to breath. I crossed my hands around my breasts, bending my legs to tuck them close to my body. I shivered from the rain, I still felt as though I was standing in the remains of the storm.

Paris, it was a long distance away. If I wanted to go there, we would have to take a train. That could be a few days long, and a lot of money as well. I would have to watch the days, and just wait. I replayed Ben's words in my head for a fourth time that night, listening to his raspy voice of when he had spoke where I should meet him if I didn't want to die. A better way to put it would be if I wanted to return home.

I didn't trust him though, I could bearly trust myself anymore.

Morning came quickly as I felt the warmth of the sun on my face. I squinted shielding my eyes from the light. I was usually the one to wake first, and Edward's body would be the one shielding me from the brightness of the sun. I could hear him behind me, knelling down on the floor next to his bag as he pulled it's contents from inside it to the floor; Folding some and separating them into small piles. I sat up pulling out my hair tie as I wiped my eyes sleepily. I turned my body so my feet would dangle off the bed as the bond boy in front of me turned. His hair was neatly in a pony tail as always, and he was wearing the same old clothes he had the last few days. A long sleeve white shirt, with a brown vest buttoned over it. His long pants hung off of his hips as I realized he hadn't looked so neat since the day I found him in Italy. He surprised me with half a smile, then turning back to his bag.

"We're going to go and start the search for Al today, and head north-east. That's where he was headed the last time I spoke to him." He said more seriously. Pushing everything aside, I smiled and agreed.

"Yep, I'll go get dressed." I spoke slowly. I noticed his eyes looked much healthier; Although not completely, they matched much closer to his regular, golden glow. He had gained some color in his cheeks and didn't nearly look as pale as he had only yesterday. I watched him, looking at his back, as his muscles moved to each movement he made as he sorted his clothes.

I tied his huge shirt at my stomach into a knot, waering the still damp sweats from last night. Although the bottom of them had seemed to dry pretty well, the top and butt of them were still soaked. I tried to soak up some of the trapped water with the end of the quilt n the bed when Edward has his back turned.

His back looked so, muscular...

xxx


	45. Into the Dark

Author's Note: I wanted you guys to learn an important detail that takes place back in Risembool. Next chapter we will pick back up with Ed and Winry!

_**Disclaimer: Hiromu Arakawa is a genius.**_

**Into the Dark**

**Risembool, December 1916**  
The sun shown brightly over the small, frozen, hill, as it began to set earlier and earlier now since December had arrived. It held so many memories, so many lifeless souls. It was such a sad place to be, especially since there wasn't anyone in the huge, yellow house not far away. An old dog, with just enough strength to walk watched the flowers slowly die that layed on top of the stone grave. It read a name, the only name that seemed to be important to him anymore.

Den missed his master, the one with the long, sunny, blond hair, with bright, blue eyes to match. He loved to remember how she worked along side of her grandma; He loved the sound when two pieces of metal would crash together, for he knew she was creating an extension of someones soul. She was creating life for another, or at least something that would make life a little bit better to get through. He was alone now, as he remembered the years back to when he was so young. In fact, he was surprised he could remember so far away.

The poor dog was about 14 years old, and if a dog could cry like a human being, he would. For it had been just about a month since the last person on this planet that meant anything to him left. Pinako Rockbell had died not to long ago, and it was an extremely sad ceremony. Yes of course all funeral's are sad, but when your the only one left of a family, it's hard to bear it alone.

Den remembered the neighbors who came to support Pinako.

"What ever happened to her grandchild? Did she just leave her?" One would ask.

"The poor old lady must of died from loneliness. Oh this part of Risembool used to be a cheerful place back in the day. Do you remember how close the Elric's and the Rockbell's where over 15 year's ago?"

"Yes I remember. It was a shame when those poor, boy's father left, but when Pinako's son and daughter-in-law died in Ishbal. Oh how upsetting." Den did however recognize one face from so long ago, a young man with black hair in a blue uniform, a black eye-patch covering his right eye, standing next to a woman with with long blond hair, and deep, brown eyes. The dog walked over to the two soldier's, pressing his head on the man's leg.

The man let his hand side down onto Den's head. The dog cold feel he was wearing a glove, as he could not sense warmth in the man's skin.

"How have you been doing big guy?" He bent down, looking Den straight in the eye. "Must be lonely around here, huh?" He sighed. "There just seems to have been too many funerals in the last 15 years... Let's go Lieutenant."

"Yes, General."

xxx

Author's Note: Wow, I have been wanting to do something like this for such a long time, but it came out so short... This will also tie into the story soon enough as well as many other things I have promised. Haha.

On another note, I re-typed the summary for 'Who I Really Am', I thought it needed more thought put into it. And, I have started to re-edit some chapters, I would love to eventually re-read over them all, and fix silly typos that I missed the first time, as well as adding a few words where necessary.

The next two chapters are finished, I just have to look over them again. And I want another lemon soon...


	46. Beginning to Understand

Author's Note: This needs to be revised, sorry :/ And Edward-Elric-In-Red, they have been in this world for a few months, I need to take some time to see exactly how long. :3

_**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me...  
**_**  
Beginning to Understand**

**Brennero, Italy 1916**  
I told Ed I would carry his bag if he wanted, he wouldn't let me. It was warmer then the last few days had been, the morning was quickly drying the wet streets from the storm last night. Unfortunately, we had only been walking for about an hour from leaving Italy when I realized Edward had began to slow down his pace. We were on our way to a train station, and would sleep on the train for the next two nights, for we were determined to find Al as soon as possible; then decide what our next move would be, as well as my own secret. Because we were almost out of the small city, the amounts of people decreased and increased depending on where we were. The temperature grew constantly, then fell. This world was a strange place to get used to alright, sometimes I questioned how Ed had survived here two years on his own. I walked closely by his right side. For that hour, I don't even think we spoke a word to each other, however he had given me the impression he wasn't pissed anymore.

"Ed, seriously, I'll carry your bag if you like, it's not that heavy." I stated after he almost tripped on the rocky, sidewalk for the second time.

"The station isn't much further, I'm fine." I gave him a strange look, though I doubt he caught it.

"Okay, well do you want to at least take a break and have lunch? I feel like we've been walking forever." He almost laughed out loud.

"Your tired already?"

"Your one to talk. I'm hungry Ed..." I said instantly pointing to a small diner across he street. I cut in front of him forcing him to stop walking. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the street as we began to cross it. I felt him pull away for a second, causing my her to stop, though I was able to breath again once I could hear his feet following my tracks. He was easy to control, because of his small size. He held the glass door to the dinner for me as I walked in first. We found an open booth in the first corner of the building sitting down immediately. We grabbed seats across from each other just in time for a woman to walk over.

"Hello, can I start you off with something to drink-" I glared at her forcing her to frown.

"Yeah, just give us a second." I said sarcastically waving my hand as she smiled and walked off frightened and a bit nervous. Ed smirked opening his menu.

"Geeze Winry, you freaked the shit out of her." He said. I looked up from the table finding his eyes, yet they were concentrated on the items of food he was dieing for. For some reason, after I had talked to Ben and woken up this morning, I felt as though I had gained some of my confidence I had lost once I crossed the gate, some confidence I used to own in Risembool. And the way Edward had just spoken to me, maybe the energy in it or maybe his expression... Well I'm not completely sure, but he made me smile.

"How are you feeling? Because you looked like you were about to vomit outside." I hide my face behind my own menu once he looked up.

"Shut up, relax I feel fine. It's just colder then usual-" He stopped mid way through his sentence, getting me off guard.

"What's wrong?" His eyes lit up God! You could get lost in those beautiful eyes of his, if you aren't careful.

"Do you want to split this with me?" Instantly I turned red as he turned the menu toward me. I was surprised to see what he was pointing to, for I had not known he would choose something like that. His metal finger covered in a white, cotton, glove pointed to a red box that read, 'Today's Special, hot stew served with cold milk, and a salad with a dressing of your choice.'

"Um sure, but wouldn't you like to have it for your self? When was the last time you have even had stew?"

"It kind of just caught my eye. But whatever, if you want let's just order something else. Anything is fine."

"No, _that's_ fine. But, well... I'm just surprised..."

"Forget it Win-

"No Ed, I would _love_ to share it with you. No problem..." His face lit up. "What?"

"Just relax, your like a spaz or something..."

"Is that so?"

"Well kind of, yeah! I would _love_ stew but it's not a necessity, if you aren't in the mood we'll just get separate things. Just with money and everything and uhh..." He said stuttering as he looked away.

"Go ahead, finish."

"I'l... I'll even let pick what kind of salad dressing we get."

"Oh Ed, how exciting!" I rolled my eyes hiding the laughter that wanted to be heard so bad.

"Is that what you want?" I nodded. He stretched his back, cracking his auto mail and squeezing his eyes shut, finally accepting his desire for stew. I smiled secretly, watching his eyes re-open.

"You have a piece of hair sticking up from your pony tail." I said realizing it had been there the whole time. He brushed his left hand across his head lightly.

"Where is it?"

"Right there, no by the rubber band. Your an idiot." I stood up walking over to his side of the table. I rested one knee on his seat rapping my hands around the band. He grabbed my wrist bringing it down to his lap.

"You just need to tell me where it is, I can fix it myself."

"Do you like, not _enjoy_ people touching your hair? Because I always thought of it as comforting." I replied strongly. He smirked.

"Nah, it's... Fine just fix it already..." I pulled his pony tail out letting his soft, golden hair touch his back as I began to gather it again. I finished and walked back over to my seat. By the time I faced him again, he was bright red, and his eyes had drifted over to the window outside. This time I couldn't help it, I let out a soft giggle. He looked back at me confused. "What's so funny, huh?"

"Alright it's _much better _now." He let out a relieved sigh stretching his other arm as we watched our waitress begin to make her way back to the table. He fond my eyes at the very same time I found his. We stayed in that position for what seemed liked hours. He had done it, those amazing eyes had just taken in reality, and I had no choice but to obey them. He was the one to look away first breaking out secret connection. He blushed for the second time.

"Ah, it's gonna be tough sleeping on that train tonight, huh?" I nodded but I knew he was just trying to make conversation, another way to change the subject. For I knew very well he wouldn't have a problem tonight, at least compared to how I would sleep. Back in our mysterious, world, he slept on trains almost every night.

xxx


	47. Tomorrow is a Different Day

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Edward Elric or Winry Rockbell, but I do own the sweet mother and her young daughter you'll meet...**_

**Tomorrow is a Different Day**

Unlike what Ed had said about the train station being, 'not too much further', it ended up taking us all day to get down there plus we ended up missing our first train, and waiting a few hours for the next one. Edward basically screamed at the guy for not having the train wait for us. I swear, the face that man made looked as though he was ready to pull a gun on us.

We found a bench inside the station that the man had pointed out to us. Edward collapsed onto it placing his single bag between himself and I. He looked exhausted, an entire day of walking on top of his illness had done a number on him, and it looked like it was going to be a boring train ride considering he would probably sleep the moment we got on board. We sat sideways on the old, wooden bench, our backs touching, leaning on each other for support. He read a book, scribbling things every so often while I counted our money situation, and looked at the train schedule. He became pretty quiet from that point on, sometimes pushing too much on weight on my back, forcing me to lean over.

"Hey come on, stop pressing so hard on my back. Your shoulder is digging into me." I would say; He let up on the pressure immediately muttering a 'sorry'. As the night grew on inside the station, and it became later, the building seemed to grow warmer as well. I became tired, and found myself bobbing my head constantly. Sleep must of eventually came over me as I remember letting my head fall forward with my eye lids progressively becoming heavier by the minute. I could still hear the crowds of people walking past us as I dozed off, as well as feeling the shifting of Ed's back muscles every time he turned a page in his book or coughed. I remember thinking about Alphonse, and where he could be and if we were even headed in the right direction. Damn it, I just seemed to recall the same thoughts I had been thinking of from the last month. Everything that would occur would just reply in my mind. There was just no end to it.

I woke up to Edward's voice, as he shook his right shoulder, causing me to stir.

"Our train's here Win, you can sleep when we get on." He whispered, leaning back into my ear as he grabbed his huge bag, placing his book inside. I rubbed my eyes sitting up on my own.

"What time is it, Ed?" I mumbled still totally out of it. I dragged my legs to the floor, and off the bench as he stood up. He sighed looking around as people ran past us onto the train. He reached out his hand pulling me to my feet.

"I don't know, late. You had passed out at least an hour ago, and before that we must of been here for two..." He trailed off scratching his head. I was surprised he had managed to stay awake himself; He must of yawned at least three times since I awoke. I followed him onto the train trying to push the sleep out of my eyes as he handed in our tickets to a man who stood at the entrance.

"For you two?" He asked Edward pointing to me as well. Ed nodded stepping through the door, shocked to see how many people where on board.

"Not nearly as comfortable as I remember..." He grunted to himself finding two empty seats across from a young child and her mother. He let me grab the window seat, as he sat next to me uncomfortably, placing his bag between his legs. The two of us were pathetic, we had slept together so many times before, though sitting tightly on a public train was awkward. I smiled at our neighbor's across from us before turning to Ed.

"What, you've never been on a a public train or something? You've been spoiled by the military." I whispered into his ear causing him to flinch. I watched him yawn for a fourth time in a row. He pushed his head back against the seat, closing his eyes before answering.

"No, it's just different here, there are so many people..." He sighed.

My eyes drifted toward the window as the world slowly started to pass me by. The walls of the station disappeared as we left the brick, building entering the cold night. There were very few lights, as I could barley only make out dark, green trees.

There was an announcement over the loud speaker, though I was able to tune it out. The lights on the train eventually dimmed as it started to pick up speed. I looked across to the woman and child after about ten minutes of dazing out the window once I realized the cabin had grown silent. The little girl had cuddled close to her mother now sleeping on the woman's lap as she had lost her self deep into a book.

I heard a soft mumble from Ed, as I spun toward him remembering I hadn't heard a word from him since we had gotten into our seats. Just like I thought, he had passed out, mimicking my head bobbing from the bench, earlier. With out knowing, more of his wait from his right arm and leg onto had dug, leaning on my body. I sat up, taking a look at the rest of the train, and to my surprise a good portion of the passengers had fallen asleep, too. Children had crept up close to their parents, as couples rested on each others shoulders. I quickly sat back in my seat returning my attention to Edward. He seemed as though he couldn't get comfortable as his head continued to move from side to side. I starred at his face turning my head 90 degrees toward him. I reached down and pulled a shirt from his bag, and folded it into sixths resting it between his neck and right shoulder. Instantly, Edward discovered my 'pillow' even in his sleep resting his fevered head onto the cotton shirt. I was shocked when the woman across from me smiled.

"My, that was so sweet of you. Is he your brother, or maybe a boyfriend?" She questioned, instantly causing my cheeks to glow pink as I turned toward her, shocked someone had seen what I did.

"N-no! He's just my good friend!" I tried politely. "We've known each other forever, nothing more!"

"Well he seems to have made some sort of impact on you, am I right? For you to act so kindly to him."

"Yeah, well I don't know about that. You should see him when he's awake, he's not that sweet- amazing." But I think I was wrong, Edward really was an amazing person, and it was another thing I really had never thought about. She laughed softly. "So uh, where are you guys headed too?" I asked out of curiosity, as well as another way to change the subject.

"Oh, we are on our way to visit my husband, it's been awhile since my daughter has last seen his grave." My smile faded slowly as the woman and her daughter had reminded me of someone special back home. She must of picked up the sadness on my face immediately. "He was killed in a war a few years ago... He really was a great man." She looked away remembering her lost husband.

"Really, I'm sorry for your loss. I used to know a family similar to yours back in... A while ago." I said correcting myself. "You'll get through it, I understand how it is to lose someone, and it hurts. But that's how you can become strong. You need to experience all the sad things in life along with the good." She looked up back at me.

"What's your name dear? I'm Lucy Stringer."

"Oh, Mrs. Stringer... I'm Winry, and um, that's Ed..." I replied nudging his metal shoulder with my arm, though he didn't do so much as flinch. Mrs. Stringer talked to me about her husband and how strong her daughter has been since he passed away. She told me about how money was hard, but it wouldn't last too much longer, and that's why she never got to travel much. I told her Ed and I were on our way to 'visit' his brother for I didn't want to give her much detail on where we were going. We had probably talked for an hour or so before I became to tired to blink. I fell asleep with my head propped up against my hand, that had been leaning on the ridge of the train window. The train was extremely quiet, no one seemed to shore or move around through the night; Only the sounds of soft breathing could be heard among the cabin. It was quite relaxing.

Morning came quickly, as I was surprised of how good I had slept. The train suddenly stopped short, following with a loud whistle waking just about every single passenger. From the sudden stop, my head slipped off of my hand hitting the glass window. I moaned as I noticed Ed had been thrown into my shoulder. He muttered a 'sorry' sleepily, bringing his head to the aisle watching people grab their bags and leave the train through the same exit we entered in.

"Damn it, what a way to wake everyone up..." He grumbled combing a hand through his hair. I sat up realizing Mrs. Stringer and her daughter where gathering their bags as well. The young girl sat in her seat patiently for her mother starring out the window at the train station of people exiting and entering.

"Come here baby, we're almost there." She whispered to her daughter picking her up and resting her on her hip. Then she turned to me slinging a bag on her opposite shoulder. "It was nice meeting to you Winry, I hope we can meet again eventually." She said smiling.

"Yeah, thanks for the company, and good luck with everything." I stated, leaning my head back on my hand. And with in seconds the two had disappeared into the huge crowd of people. Edward gave me strange look.

"How did you know them?" He asked, yawning at the same time. Remembering last night I blushed before responding.

"Last night, after you decided to fall asleep. They were really nice, and um... They are visiting her husband's grave."

"Oh..." He sighed as the train began moving again, and a man took the new free seat that Lucy Stringer had once been in. "You hungry? Let's order something for breakfast." I nodded.

"Sounds good..."

xxx


	48. Who You Are

_**Disclaimer: I do not own the series, Fullmetal Alchemist in anyway. **_

**Who You Are**  

Now as I sat on the train, I was given time to think about my life back in Risembool. I was given time to just relax.

They say people don't realize what they have until it's gone.  Before I knew it, he was gone. Because he realized he had to do something before everything around him disappeared. He left Risembool, not to return for four long years, leaving you to wait and worry. I felt unspeakable sadness, something I couldn't even understand, or explain. I wasn't sure why I had felt so depressed and empty for the next year until I had accepted he was really not coming back.

But he was only a friend, why did I feel this way? Nothing more...

I helped him stand on his two feet again, I've tried to give him all the support he's needed. I just wasn't sure if he would use all the advice granny and I had told him when the time came. However you wait, and worry. You pray and believe. I waited for my neighbor for what seemed like decades, then two more. At the time, who knows why I even waited and cried all those nights. Because then, I didn't even know what 'love' meant. And now, that he's right by my side, now that we are finally in a situation together, where he can't kick me out of it, it's hard to explain how I feel. I'm not used to this at all...  

Through out the morning, the train stopped multiple times, constantly letting people in and out. Over all, it was a clean and smooth ride, the black, leather seats seemed new, hardly used. Along with our breakfast, which was decent. Ed asked me if I wanted to play Rummy for he had a secret deck of cards I hadn't known about. I turned my body toward him sitting cross-legged with my back against the window. He turned toward me as well, facing me with one knee bent and his other leg dangling off the seat. He gave me nine cards along for himself, placing the rest between him and my self.

He teased me, I told him he was being a jerk. Though, I kind of think I enjoyed myself. We played for a good few hours before my back seemed to throb from kneeling on the window. He agreed to stop the game, placing it back into the small wooden box I had no idea he even had. I sighed as he rested his head on the back of his seat, folding his arms behind his neck. At that point, the train came to a stop, as the doors opened, and a new crowd of people filled the seats.  

"We won't need to sleep here tomorrow night, but our stop won't arrive until that night." He stated shifting his eyes toward the aisle. I sighed bringing my legs to my chest.  

"I'm already tired, and it's not even twelve yet." He agreed. "Didn't your ass kill after spending hours like this? What did you used to do on trains?" He smiled closing his amber eyes.  

"Play cards with Al..." He shifted in his seat, folding his arms as he let out a deep breath. I watched him breathe for a few moments dreamily, then slowly got to my feet. "Where you going?"  "Bath room, I'll only be a few minutes." He nodded resting his eyes again, pulling his feet back as I squeezed by.   

"If your gone for more then 30 minutes, I'm going to come look for you." I heard him say as I began walking down the aisle. There was only one bath room in the entire cabin, shared by both men and woman. I locked the door behind me walking right to the mirror that hung over the sink.

I could see myself, standing there, waiting. I saw a pale blue-eyed girl, with long blonde hair in a pony tail that had basically fallen out. She seemed sad, and lost. My skin had lost it's bright, yellow, glow, and it looked as though I was getting thinner. I didn't belong here, this wasn't my home, this picture wasn't right. The mirror shook my image as the train ran over the rocky rail road, as I reached my hand out, touching the parraleel universe infront of me. Ed and Al didn't belong here either, infact we were all born in Risembool, in the world they called, 'Shamballa'. Everyone who was born here, was meant to be. As much as I wanted to, I didn't cry. I needed to at least try, and if I could suceed holding in my tears at least once, that's strength. I was once told, when a person cries, it means they feel safe. Although that doesn't apply to all situations, if you were to think abou it, it works out in most.

Most of the times when a person cries, they are with someone who has caused them one of two things. Pain or love.  After I had done what I needed to do and washed up, I opened the door cautiously to find a young woman, maybe only a few years older then myself. She wore dark skin, with a soft face. She had deep, brown eyes, with long, brown hair to match; Two braids were braided at the bottom of her scalp on each side of her head, and pulled to the front of her chest. Her eyes lit up as she suddenly reached out to touch my shoulder. I flinched backward, confused from her sudden movement.  

"Excuse me, may I help you?" I asked as politely as I could. She took a small step backwards.  

"Sorry if I'm mistaken but your, Winry, aren't you?" She whispered softly, not quite sure of her own words. I froze, not exactly sure what to feel, my body didn't know how to respond. "But your from, aren't you from Risembool?"   

"H-how did you know?" I stuttered. I instantly thought of Ben, was she with Ben? Was he around. Where was Edward? Fear swept over me, as I watched my body push her into the back of a seat. She grabbed the handle shocked from my sudden movement, as I walked past her, quickly to the front of the cabin. I was shaking, was I having a nervous breakdown? Why was I so scared of her? What triggered this? And who in the hell was she anyway? I was over reacting, I had to calm down...

I found Edward dozing off from where I had left him. As I tried to squeeze past him, I tripped on his foot, causing me to slip. My left hand fell to his lap, as I grabbed his knee for support. He jumped, startled from my intrusion. 

"Careful, Winry, you scared the shit out me." He stated helping me back to my feet, as I fell to my seat next to him. He instantly read my terrified eyes, as I watched his eyes harden. "What's the matter, what happened? I'll kill who ever touched-"  

"No, there was a young woman over there, who new my name and said she's seen me before! She knew I was from Risembool!" I said, choosing my word's carefully for I hadn't want to mention anything about Ben yet to him. He took a breath, taking a minute to think before responding.  

"No way, what did she look like?" I opened my mouth, prepared to speak to him, when I saw an image behind Ed, standing in the isale. My eyes drifted over to her, now standing above him. He noticed almost instantly, spinning around in his seat. I watched her smile, for now I could not Edward's face. "Noah?"   

"Noah?!"  "It's good to see you are doing alright Edward..." She whispered. I immediately grabbed Ed's shoulder, forcing his body back in my direction. He seemed surprised of how hard I had pulled.  "Ed, who the hell is _Noah_?" He looked at me strangely.  

"Calm down, what's the matter? She's just someone I helped a few weeks back before I crossed he gate." He whispered angrily. I could tell he was hiding something else as he wanted to say more. With my eyes, I encouraged him to finish, however he just turned away.

"Sorry if I scared you, it was just so strange. I knew I had seen you before." I forced a smile apologizing for pushing her as well. Jealously enraged me, she was beautiful. She wore beads and had thick hair. Her eyes invading our space, pricing my skin, with hair darker then black compared to mine. It looked to be stronger nd thicker then my own as well. She looked to have money, and yet I kept asking myself how she knew my name. Did Ed mention me? But that couldn't be possible, for even if he did talk about me, it would be impossible for her to recognize me like that, right? Had they had a relationship together? Why did she adress him so suddenly by his first name? How come he explained her to me like it was no big deal?

My first impression of her, a cold bitch.  She began talking to him, as I turned toward the Window crossing my arms and legs. I watched the world drift by, tuning out Edward's voice and hers. I didn't want to listen to their conversation, for I knew what I was going to do. My head banged against he glass window hard, as I let it fall and drift downward as I pouted. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, and letting it out slowly and silently. Somehow, even through all the conversations going on on the train, I fell asleep. I don't remember dreaming about anything, in fact I remember the color black as I slept there, sitting up, propped against the window. I could see the inside of my eye lids, and I could still here her voice. The sound around me disappeared completely, and I began to feel as if I was completely alone.

I slept for at least three hours surprisingly, only to wake up on my own. I could sence an open body of air on my side. They opened slowly, as I turned to Edward quickly. He wasn't there, his seat was empty, only revealing the leather seat that used to support his body. His bag was pushed under the seat, for his legs weren't there to guard it from sliding around on the train. Rubbing my eyes, I held in my tears for I knew he was with her. I became mad as I ripped my pony tail holder out of my hair, wrapping it four times around my wrist. It was tight and uncomfortable, though I left it. I didn't want to touch it. I bent over, leaning my head over the aisle looking up and down the seats. He wasn't there. He seemed to have completely left the cabin. He would come back though. 

He left his bag here after all.  

I waited alone for him, and I ordered dinner by myself even when I had planned to eat with him. I didn't enjoy it, because by now my hand had turned light blue, and it was hard to hold a fork. A man asked me if my seat was taken as he had just entered the train. I glared at him, shooting him with an instant frown.  

"Yeah it is Mister, so sorry." I mumbled angrily. He walked away appalled by my rude behavior.   

When Ed returned, the sun has well set, and lights had lit up the train just as it had done the night before. He sat down with out looking at me, as I waited for his eyes. He sensed my uncomfortable glare after a second,  

"What?" I was this close to punching him; God, I felt so moody! But I took a deep breath, I wouldn't yell. Because while he was gone I remembered something. A fact that I could finally accept was true. I remembered how much I loved him, and If I yelled, it defiantly wouldn't make things better, even if our bonds had already been broken. I wanted to scream.  

"Nothing, Ed." I sighed pulling my head forward, squeezing my eyes shut. The tears were so close...

I had to stay in control though, my body wouldn't take over this time because I wouldn't let it. He surprisingly let it go.   

Secretly, I waited for the lights on the train to dim once again, and for the passengers to slowly drift off to sleep. I pretended to pass out immediately, closing my eyes naturally, and listen to everyones breathing. It took a good 20 minutes, but eventually, Edward's head dropped back, as his chest began rising and falling evenly just as it always had. I sat up, and spoke his name.

When he didn't answer, I touched his stomach with the palm of my hand. Nothing. I smiled realizing he really was asleep. I looked around to see if anyone was watching as I got on my knees, and bent close to his body. My hands ran across his shoulders, and around his back. With my head no further then an inch apart from his shirt, I began searching for anything other then the soft cotton of his black shirt. Up and down, I went back and forth looking. I lifted his arm, slowly and gently, examining his entire limb as well for the other one. I could be more harsh with his right one for he wouldn't feel my soft hands. Searching.  

And it was when I found what I looking for did I finally find a tear slide off my cheek, and onto his shirt. I grabbed it, for it layed right next to his neck as I sat back in my seat bringing my legs to my chest. I covered my eyes with the opposite hand and wept silently. I would bear this alone. Why did things need to work out this way? I wasn't prepared for this, I really thought I could trust him. For what I held in my left hand was a long piece of dark brown hair, darker then back compared to mine.

What was a piece of her hair doing there? How could it have gotten there...?  

xxx


	49. I Live, Therefore I Am

**_Disclaimer: I do not own these wonderful people..._**

**I Live, Therefore I Am  
**  
I felt as if I had hardly slept when I felt Edward's metal hand shake my shoulder, the sun finding a way through my eye lids, blinding me as I shivered. I felt dirty, and I wanted a shower. I never minded being woken in the morning, especially if it was by Edward; However this morning I kind of had the urge to punch him in the face, crawl right into my soft bed and sleep for another three hours. I was extremely tired, as I rubbed my eyes looking into his eyes.

"Hey listen..." He was ready to tell me something important, I could hear it in his voice. I squinted, pulling myself up. "I talked to that girl, Noah before-" _Heh_, _that girl Noah..._ "-And she said if we were willing to get off with her at the next stop, we could spend tonight in her apartment, for free. And I was thinking it might be good if we did-" My mouth dropped as I couldn't believe the words coming from his. I closed it as quickly as I could.

"Are you serious, Ed?! There's absolutely no fucking _way _that's happen'en! What happened to just getting a motel again?" I snapped into his face, causing him to lean back in his seat. I crossed my arms, glaring at him angrily. I could tell he was surprised.

He defiantly had to have some sort of relationship with this woman, we just met her yesterday, and he was ready to sleep with her... Could I be over reacting? Well, either way it bothered me.

"What the hell is wrong with that?" He eventually barked back comfortably. "We can't afford a motel tonight anyway-"

"I'd rather sleep on the train! Forget it, I'm not going, you can do with ever you want! I thought we were looking for Alphonse, and now your ready to get up all over that girl!" I didn't mean for that one to slip. I wanted him to know I was mad.

And a little upset, maybe.

"Damn it Winry, I have no idea what your talking about!" I frowned even harder as I seemed to have no choice but to stand from my seat, squeezing past his legs into the aisle, about to walk towards the bathroom, for I needed sometime alone. He grabbed my wrist, still sitting, as I spun around infuriated.

"What?!" I spat.

"Were going together, it's the best thing for our situation! And you better stop fucking talking like that, I have no idea what's gotten into your head, but I'm not some-" I ripped my hand away from him finding my way down the aisle. I knew he was watching my back the entire time as I disappeared behind the bathroom door. Why wouldn't he listen to me? Why did he want to stay wither her? We were broke but I'm sure we had enough for a few more nights somewhere. As for now, I hated him.

After an hour more on the train, an hour ride in a taxi, and a 15 minute walk, we arrived at Noah's apartment. I hadn't spoken to Edward since the train. She explained it was new building, and because it was in the poorest part of the city, she had bought it extremely cheap.

Through listening and ignoring, I learned that she recently started living on her own, and hadn't seen Edward in a few months- Al and I arrived on this side of the gate a few months ago. Ed has briefly told me before he used to stay with a man named Alfons Heidric, and he described him to look exactly like Al when he would grow up. Now thinking back, maybe he had mentioned something about a woman as well.

I wanted to fucking kill him.

I still questioned the fact she had known exactly who I was by one glance...

Still, I tried to be as nice as I could to Noah; maybe it was my way of getting as much information as possible. I offered to help with her lugged when we reached the room, as well as always answering any question she asked Ed, or he asked her.

"So, what's the sleeping arrangements for tonight?" Ed had asked, as the three of us sat around her small coffee table drinking jasmine tea. Ed was relaxed in an arm chair, as Noah crossed her legs on the couch with me. I pouted, folding my arms finding Edward's eyes.

"Yeah well, it's really nice of you to... You know, let us stay here. And all..." I stated confidently, not letting Noah answer, keeping my eyes off of the former alchemist. I could tell he had become uncomfortable, bending his eye brows, then turning toward her.

"Well, Edward helped me out not too long ago, so it's the least I can do." My face lit up; Bingo! So she had been staying with him recently. Thinking it through, I was happy I had gained more information Ed did not want me to hear, but a great amount of sadness and abandonment suddenly drifted over me.

She really had stayed with him, huh?

"Well Winry.-" Noah turned, I smiled politely forgetting my own feelings. "-You can have the spare single in my room, and I'm afraid the only other comfortable place to sleep is the couch, Ed. In less you want to switch with-"

"No, Ed will be fine on the couch! Plus, I haven't slept in a bed alone- I mean in a single bed in a while!" I tried to laugh slightly to cover up the awkward silence that had found it's way into the room. Slowly, I got up finding a distraction as Noah and Edward's eyes had froze on me. "Noah, you have a bathroom, right?" She pointed to a small door behind the kitchen table.

"But you just used it before we left the train-" Edward exclaimed.

"Alright, thanks. Excuse me for just a second." I practically jumped inside shutting the door hard.

I fell to the sink, turning on the facet instantly, just in time to block out the sound of my tears.

Damn it, I... I really did love him; I always have.

xxx


	50. It Takes Decades

_Author's Note: Short Lemon warning._

Now remember, it's really hard to keep the Full Metal Alchemist in character, when he's a horny, 18 year old, teenager, but I tried my best :3

**_Disclaimer: Nope..._**

It Takes Decades

Noah had fallen asleep rather quickly; Her body moving steadily to each breath she took. My arms folded over the blanket, as I lied in the the bed next to hers on my back, wide awake. My long hair loosely spread around a white pillow, falling off the ends of the mattress. I played with my thumbs, chasing each other on my hands, my eyes dry and empty. It had been about an hour since the three of us shut the lights, calling it a day.

I hadn't even told Ed a 'good night', even when he told me so. He had said, 'See you, Win.' and I had completely ignored him. I felt as though he had betrayed me, even when I had no idea what had happened between him and Noah, maybe nothing at all. They could have only stayed together for a night, maybe she was poor, or maybe they only just kissed. Or maybe only made it to second base.

It was the first night in a long time I hadn't slept next to him; The first night I hadn't felt the warmth of his body on mine. I felt cold and alone. He was only outside in the living room, not even 20 seconds away; Though it seemed like it could take a life time to travel to just the bedroom door alone.

I shivered, an anonymous chill running quickly down my spine. I needed to see him, I had to. I just couldn't stand this awkward relationship that we shared. My mind raced, I really felt that I could possibly be loosing my best friend... If I didn't explain something soon...

Slowly, I slipped out of the sheets that laid on my freezing body, my cold feet touching the wooden floor. My hair followed me as I stood up, taking a deep breath, pressing up against my back. I walked slowly to the door, grabbing the knob, leaning on it. I looked back to find Noah move in her sleep, shifting to the middle of the bed. It seemed as though I had only blinked to find myself standing behind the couch in the living room. I was shocked, for I hadn't even remembered my shaking lags taking me there.

To my surprise, Ed wasn't asleep either. He quickly sat up from his position on the couch hearing the door open and close. His eyes met mine. He frowned.

"What's wrong, you should be sleeping..." He sighed not expecting an answer. He knew I was still mad, and I was glad he did. I questioned if I should talk to him, now looking into his eyes. I had originally made the decision to tell him what was needed to be heard, but now I was ready to punch him in the nose and run back inside Noah's bedroom. Instead, I slowly walked around to him by the couch, and fell to my knees on the floor next to his head. He looked almost disgusted to see me there.

"Wha- What is it?" He whispered, stuttering. I wrapped my arms around him digging my head into his chest. He pulled back slightly, surprised by my reaction. I looked up, holding his shirt as anger suddenly came over me.

He grabbed my wrist pulling it off his shirt.

"Ed... Didn't you once tell me, that you loved me? Has that really changed, or was it a fucking lie in the first place?" I muttered tensely. I was trying so hard not to snap. I refused to look anywhere near his eyes, as I pulled away from his warm body on the floor. He released his grip. "Did you forget, what is was I told you? Did that mean anything to you at all?"

"Winry-" He tried, with a pleasing voice. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, or what I had been expecting either.

"What is is? You can take off that act now, _Edward_. Just say it-."

It was then my cold, blue eyes turned steadily to his. I already knew what could happen, if anyone ever was caught in his powerful glare. Except this time, when our eyes met, I felt my heart began to shake. I must of skipped a beat as it became hard to breath. His emotion became so clear, he wanted to tell me he was sorry, for he was about to burst. He wanted to say, 'I'm so sorry', lustfully into my ear. I felt a new energy awaken inside the man who sat before me. It became harder and harder to inhale once I believed the words I had just spoken. I cleared my heart, thinking back to the word 'love'. Yes, I could acutely love this man. It was possible in the world for him to love me back. Why was so much time already waisted? He was beautiful, so romantic and handsome. With a flesh elbow, he supported his entire torso, including that arm I made him with all my strength. I had touched him. I could touch him. If I wanted, I could do anything I wanted to. I finally closed my eyes, breaking our connection, as I heard the couch move instantly after.

He slowly sat up on the couch, reaching down toward me. I turned my head aggressively, away from his. He grabbed my arms and pulled me into him catching me off guard. I fell between his legs as he rested his chin on top of my head, comforted by my hair. My own hormones came over me, my muscles hardened from the warmth that radiated off his legs. I became nervous, not sure why he had done what he had. His hands found my jaw, bringing me up to his own.

He kissed me hard, as I refused. His lips so soft, just as I had remembered. Two arms, so different by touch pressed hard on my back. Mid way, I opened my eyes to find his closed, lost in our kiss. A rush filled my body as I suddenly couldn't control my self, I felt high and insecure. I had no choice but to give in, my tongue swaying with his. I got up on my knees, touching his hair, squeezing his pony tail, my arms locking around his neck. He broke away from me, kissing me fiercely down my neck as I looked up toward the ceiling. He pulled me up to the couch, lying back on to it with me on top.

My hand pressed it's palm against his neck, and he stopped. The connection linked for a second time, as his lips began to move.

"I... I would never lie to you, I've just been to afraid to tell you again." His whispered, hoping his voice could of sounded stronger then it had. He blushed. He couldn't stand looking at my eyes any longer, closing his and turning away.

He was shaking slightly, and that was the first thing I had noticed after touching his cheeks. He was warm, and it upset me to find that his fever looked like it had advanced. The damn thing just wouldn't go away, would it? I smiled warmly, not trusting my own feelings discovering his lips, finishing our kiss.

We stayed like that so long. Longer the any kiss we had ever shared. And god, it seemed as though we hadn't kissed in decades.

When we finally pulled away, I saw something new in his eyes. A new idea, a new feeling. He sat up, forcing me too as well. At first, I was scared by this new reaction. He was serious. He grabbed the ends of my shirt on each side of my hips, lifting it up, just where my breast began. I grabbed his metal wrist, as he ignored me, shoving it away. His head leaned forward, as I felt his mouth kiss my breast gently. A left hand cupped the other. He began to kiss harder, sucking more aggressively.

"Ed... Easy..." I whined, trying to hide back my emotion. Because, I wanted this. I yearned for this for so long, but suddenly, he was so... So, strong and confident.

He stopped what he was doing reaching, forgetting my shirt suddenly, making his new interest my pants, trying to untie the knot in my plaid, pajama bottoms. I was shocked, but naturally helped him. His hands pushed mine away. He pulled them down, along with my panties, as they rested on my knees. I was placed in the center between his legs, as his pants came lose as well.

"Edward.... What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" I spoke, groaning out his name. He was powerful, and if I had decided I hadn't wanted sex at that moment, there seemed to be nothing stopping him. I began scared of his movements. He... He couldn't control his self. In fact, his body was put of control. He wouldn't respond to my voice.

He grinded his abdomen up against my own hard, pulling my shoulders close to his chest with his arms. I shook, as he buried his head under my chin. My eyes were forced upward. I was scared now. His blunt actions began to remind me of-

He stopped. Suddenly. He stopped, pulling me close.

"E-Ed...?" I mumbled, not expecting an answer.

"God, Win. Are you alright?" He sighed into my shirt. I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'm fine-"

"I, I don't know what came over me. I felt as though, my body had a mind of it's own. I hardly remember what just happened. I could of really hurt you..." His voice cracked during the last sentence. I jumped to comfort him understanding. He really was just a normal, horny teenager, as well as a virgin. He had always wanted this, I knew he had. For I had as well.

"Nah, Edward... Don't feel like that. Please, don't feel like that... You couldn't hurt me, I know you wouldn't." He pulled his body away from mine.

"I don't want to hurt you..." His hands slowly connected with my skin, roaming my curves, down my navel to the inside of my legs. He looked up from his current position, as if he was asking me if he was aloud to continue. I could tell he had become very cautious of his moves. He was seriously sorry for losing control like that.

Yet secretly, I don't think I would have minded if he would of continued. It was only his change in attitude that frightened me.

I encouraged him with my eyes as he pushed his stomach back on mine. This time, we would really do it. Third base wasn't an option anymore. Carefully, with out pubic bones touching, he slipped his stiff, friend into me. Pushing further, he pushed harder, fitting it in perfectly.

There was no one else in this world who could ever fit inside me as perfectly as he had, I knew it right there and then. He began to sweat as he pushed and pulled, moving faster as I instantly hit my high. I groaned naturally, covering my mouth for it was louder then I thought it would be. Ed ignored me, diving deeper and deeper. I was surprised how far he had gone. He was a virgin, after all. His head fell on my shoulder, as I grabbed his hair, relaxing my nose in his hair. I pulled myself closer to him.

He left the warmth of my body for a second, stopping his motion.

"What's wrong, Ed...?" I mumbled from his hair. He had become extremely warm.

"Winry... I think I..."

"Oh you baby, that's natural, relax..." I smiled beginning to feel the wet liquid appear on our skin. I smiled at his efforts, as we both were already flushed. Our lips met again, as his penis entered for a second time. He kissed me hard as he moved faster, picking the pace by the minute.

"Ow, Win!" He pulled away. "You just bit me-" I grabbed his jaw aggressively; My golden hair sticking to my cheeks, as he pushed my bangs behind my ear. We let go again, resting our noses on top of each other.

"Sorry Ed... Then you better take it easy down there..." That lasted a good 15 minutes, and I valued every single second he spent inside of me. He pushed me onto the couch hard, wildly thrusting against my shaking skin. He seemed to not be able to control himself at many times. But now, it didn't matter. It didn't matter how hard he pushed. He pressed his face against mine, we weren't done. His eyes were shut closed, for if he opened them, those hormones would surly make me bleed.

"St-stop making so much... noise... You'll wake... Noah..." He breathed into my mouth, finally leaving my body.

"Shut up... Your the one... Mak'en all the... noises... Edward..." I was getting tired, and I knew he was too. But I just didn't want to stop. He rolled to the side of the couch, with me pressed hard up against his chest. He closed his eyes, closing his mouth.

"It's late you know..." He whispered.

"But it was late... When we started."

"Yeah, well I wasn't this exhausted half an hour ago." He wrapped an auto mail hand around my waist, his face laid right next to mine. Our lips so close, they still touched. I reached forward, digging my tongue inside his mouth.

"Come on Ed, don't sleep yet... I'm not ready to stop..." I whined once I realized his tongue wouldn't join mine.

"This... late..."

"I'm tired too, but kiss me... Just one more time." Barley awake, he obeyed my command, opening his mouth as I ran my tongue around his lips, then drowned him.

However with in seconds, he was done. I pulled away, and smiled. With the last energy he had, he buried his head into my neck, taking in my scent, breathing on my skin.

"Geeze Ed, what it takes you to make a woman happy..."

xxx

_Author's Note: Little bit more intense that the last one, but I still plan on a few more romanic, evenings in bed with Ed and Winry. I love those two so much, it's so much fun to think of a dialog for them :)_

Some news though, I'm going to take a little break with 'Who I Really Am', just because of all the stress and work I've been put under. I will keep writing, and I promise I won't go completely into a Hiatus. There will still be chapters, they will just be coming out much slower.

But my new story, 'All the Stones I've Thrown' is getting amazing reviews, so check that one out while you can if you haven't already. I think it's written much better, except for all my stupid grammer/spelling errors. Thank you for everything!


	51. I'm Fine

_Author's Note: Hey! Sorry for not updating since December, I realize that sucks :/ But I'm healthy and alive, and since I'm home from school today I thought it would be a great opportunity to write, at least a little. More exciting chapters on the way. _

_Excuse the mistakes, too lazy to re-read it. I'll do that later, thanks everyone~~_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist, because then I wouldn't be so excited about the second series coming out on April 5th...**_

**I'm Fine**

There is a point in life where someone realizes they are completely, utterly, confused in every humanly possible way. Did that make sense? Is that a mid-life crisis, or is that something else? I wouldn't know, that was never the way my mind would think. Though when the first thing I saw when I woke up that morning, was a handsome, young man sleeping beside me with a completely empty expression printed on his face, it seemed I was being pulled.

Like, was I supposed to run away, to an another man as if he could be my only hope in returning home from this evil place? Or take a breath, and explain to _this man_ what had happened. I wanted to tell Ed for so long what it was between Ben and I, and I would. From the very beginning, I knew he would eventually find out. Yet every time I would think about Ben, I would just tell myself,

"I'll just worry about it later..." softly, and it was soon a forgotten thought. A forgotten thought that would return tomorrow, and the next day, and most likely the next.

One week followed as Ed and I stayed at Noah's apartment. Noah was gone most of the day, leaving at nine and returning at eight. She would bring dinner as long as I promised to make breakfast every day. I was surprised of how Ed's mood for the time being has changed. He was calmer and spoke with a soft tone during the day, heading for bed earlier then usual. The two of us had nothing to do rather then search for clues for Alphonse.

During that week that we stayed with Noah, Ed and I decided to take a walk around the new city. We walked close by each other; I was pleasantly surprised to find a hand around my waist as he looked down at the side walk; auto mail stuffed in a jean pocket.

Day after day we would rome the city, asking anyone who would listen about Al. We just need one clue for the hunt to continue. Though I did think about what would happen when we found him. Of course we needed to find Alphonse as soon as possible but, what was Edward's plan after that?

"Hello, Mister, what can I do for you?" A man in a coffee shop asked after Ed blasted the doors open and walked over to the counter, that Friday morning. I followed shyly, brushing off the stares.

"I'm looking for this man, last time we talked he told me he was headed up this way. Have you seen him?" Edward asked the man pulling out a blurry picture of his brother. The man gave us a look, taking the photo from Ed's hand to look at it closer. After a minute he spoke again.

"Nope, never seen him. Have you two tried the police, 'yer better off reporting a missing person."

"He's not a missing person, we're just-"

"We have, and he's just a friend sir, thanks anyway." I stated interrupting Ed, as I pulled his pointed finger away from the man, and grabbing the photo with another hand. Once outside I let go of Ed's shirt and handed him the photo. "Why do you always try and start something when someone doesn't have an answer?" I twisted my hair as he hid he photo in a shirt pocket.

"There just all idiots..." He stated, locking arms with myself as we continued to walk down the dirty city.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry about this... I know we will find him but, this never would have happened if-"

"Don't you dare blame any of this on yourself, got it? We'll find him..." He looked back forward as I noticed again he happened to look paler. I was happy he seemed to be getting better from his horrible illness, but today he looked back to as if it was day one.

"Your feeling ok, right?" I waited for a response, nudging him when I didn't get it.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine."

xxx


End file.
